folly and crisis

When I named this blog I thought I was being witty and that everyone would know what I was talking about. It seems however that while I might be witty nobody gets it but me. So for those of you who haven't quite put it together, Jake is "the folly of my youth" and Isabelle is my "mid life crisis". Jake was born when I was 23 which is young but we had been married 4 years at that point so we definately didn't feel we were rushing into anything. John finished school, we bought a house and decided that we were pretty good at being poor so we might as well keep the trend going and have a baby now that John was making some money. It worked out quite well. The 11 years before Isabelle came along was not exactly our plan but it was God's plan, a plan we initially weren't sure we were on board with when He suggested another child years after we had come to peace about only having one. We liked having an only child, the baby stuff was gone, we were going to be 41 when he went to college. But then again what were we going to do at 41 with the rest of our lives? Why couldn't we have more children? We were only 34. Some of our high school friends were just starting families. I know 34 isn't exactly mid life for most people but as a friend once told me, we have always been a little ahead of everyone else in these things. So into our lives came Isabelle. And if the decision to bring her into our lives wasn't the crisis then the 3 months after her birth definately were. We did not transition to baby world as smoothly the second time around. However, once she started sleeping more than an hour at a time we felt much better. She was the completion of our family. We were happy with an only child but experienced a peace with 2 only children that we didn't know we were missing. They are so fun.

Day 5 and it is over

Did you know that downstairs in my basement is an entire closet full of games? And that in there are 5 games age appropriate for Isabelle? Who knew. A whole other activity we could have been doing this week that doesn't involve me playing imaginatively. I taught Isabelle how to play all the games. Spill the beans was her favorite, she got board with the matching game before we finished. Arthur dominos and the insy spider game were fun too. I did not take out the marble works because I can't remember how to make it so I will have to find the directions on the internet. I also found the lost white board markers down there. So we are off to a good start. I made a little list (with the white board markers) to build on what we have and I don't think it will be a problem to give the grandparents christmas lists this year for her.



We finished the week with a movie. After 5 days without tv she still was asking for it so I told her that she could watch a movie at Grandma's house tonight. She looked forward to it all day. Tomorrow is Saturday. As a kid I spent all morning on Saturday watching cartoons while my parents slept in so I figure I can let her celebrate a week without tv by watching it tomorrow morning while we sleep in. I am, however, looking forward to a tv controlled week next week and finally believe I can limit tv and expect my daughter to be able to entertain herself.



I feel good about what we learned and accomplished this week. We broke the "tv quiet time" habit that had to go and learned where we really need tv (before dinner) and where we really don't need it (breakfast and lunch time). We played with toys, had tea parties, cleaned the house, played play dough, did yoga, read books, went to the park, ate breakfast, lunch and dinner together, had less fights to get dressed and to go to bed. I kept up with my desk work while she played with dolls, polly pockets, kitchen toys and read books to herself, colored and one day even napped. Maybe my romantisized version of life without tv isn't that crazy after all. It wasn't perfect but in the course of a week we definately changed our lives.

Is it almost over yet?

Day 4 of no TV. Have I ever mentioned to you that I don't like to play? I don't do imaginative play. When Jake was about the same age as Isabelle I sat him down one day and told him I loved him and would be happy to read books or play games but I would not sit down and play cars with him. I do not like it. Girls and boys are different. While Jake did alot of imaginative play it was either in the back yard or with cars/action figures. Isabelle even has to make up senarios when playing play dough. She can't just make snakes or extrude things there has to be a whole story line and with it lots of commands for what I should make and how I should make them. It just isn't fun. I don't like to play with my kids. I miss tv. I'm a bad parent.

Overall it seems to continue to be going well. Isabelle is still asking for it but doesn't seem too upset when she doesn't get it. As I am thinking about next week and bringing it back I feel like I want to narrow it to just watching tv in the late afternoon. Every day this week that has been the time I wanted to put on the tv and have had the hardest time entertaining Isabelle. On the other hand it is sort of a challenge, how should I be structuring that time different so we don't have to turn on the tv? I am open to suggestions. My fear of letting that be tv time is that it could start at 3pm and go until bedtime at 7pm. And I am ashamed to admit has many times in the past. While I might want to utilize the tv at that time I will still need a structue to keep it from being a 4 hour tv marathon.

Day 5: sorting the toys to see if we have more to do. Tune in tomorrow.

No TV Day Three

Apparently not everyone got the memo on Isabelle not watching TV. This morning Isabelle was once again up at the daylight savings time of 6:30am and I once again was trying to ignore her. Well my wonderful son stepped in and made her toast and turned on the tv for her so I could sleep. He even turned it down so low I didn't know it was on when I woke up. He is such a keeper. I slept til 8:00.



So she had a little tv time this morning. But I told her to turn it off right when I got up and she did without complaint. We have had a busy day and I can't say that I caught her being Masterly Inactivity but she did color, do play dough, help me clean up play dough and I could see her reading books at the club through the window in the child center. She just seems a little more relaxed when we are at home.



She did beg for tv when we were on our way home from the club and again when we got home from having lunch with Grandma. She is so worn out by staying up to late last night and getting up early the last 2 mornings that she is actually sleeping as I type this up. Something that might not have happened if I had put on a tv show for her instead of telling her to just play quietly.



My sister-in-law asked me today why Isabelle wasn't allowed to watch tv. I rambled some lame answer about how it was good for her but really I was sort of caught off guard by the question. Why am I doing this? Have I decided to become philosophically opposed to tv? Is tv making her bad? I am sure there are as many reasons for getting rid of the tv as their are people who do it. In my life everything comes back to ME. I like to think I do things for my children because I am a wonderful parent but really only as far as it makes my life work or makes me look good or whatever, ME, ME, ME. So I think I am doing it because I have no self control or ability to have a balance with tv watching. Because I have totally lost the ability to come up with non tv activities for my child to do and want to totally disengage from parenting all day long while she watches tv. So I must move to the extreme other side and take it away from her to...punish myself for bad parenting. Hopefully we can have it back next week and start creating balance. What I have learned so far is that the only time where I it would be helpful to have the tv on is in the early evening while I am making dinner. The rest of the day I think we are learning we can do without. So I need to start making a plan.

No TV Day Two

I think we are getting into the meat of the challenge today, some good progress and some challenges.

I was woken up this morning at 6:30am by my daughter wanting to crawl into bed with me. I was too tired to stop her. After tossing and turning for a few moments she says to me, "I want to watch tv". I say no and she starts to cry like she is being punished for something and she can't understand why. I feel bad but I am tired and try to ignore her. Finally at 7:00 I drag myself out of bed because she isn't going away. It is amazing really how quickly children transition. After breakfast at the counter she gets up and discovers these books I have in little baskets under an end table just waiting to be read. She talks to herself so I hear her come across the basket of books and act surprised and then happy to find books she loves. She then sits down and "reads" them to herself. I get ready and she is totally agreeable all morning. We actally got to work early today rather than sliding in at the last minute.

My sister in law mentioned in a comment about "Masterly Inactivty" so I checked it out. I am still figuring it out but it seems to be basically the idea kids spending time engaging in activities they are really interested in. I am sort of familiar with the concept, although I didn't know the name, from when I homeschooled Jake. It was something I was always trying to foster in him and had some success. I was thinking about the concept when Isabelle found the books today. Those books have been there almost since she was born. I even recently updated them with less baby books and more books for her age and interest. Yet she rarely ever looked at them and never by herself or for any exteded period of time. Do you think it was because the TV was on right next to them? So this week I am going to be watching for examples of Masterly Inactivty and will report them here.

I do have to confess that by the time we got home from a busy day of activities, including standing in line for an hour to vote at 2pm, I really wanted, no NEEDED, a few moments to myself and knew if I turned on the tv I would get it. I wanted to so bad, I was so close to turning it on, but then I knew I would have to confess it here so I resisted. One of my errands today was to pick up some new playdough and coloring books to hopefully give her a couple activities for the next couple days when we don't work and will be home all day with no tv. I can see it will be a challenge for both of us.

Since I only said I would keep the tv off during the day I, of course, turned on the tv when she went to bed and spent all night watching poll results which is why I am writing this at 11pm and will once again be exhausted when Isabelle wakes up at the crack of dawn tomorrow morning. I might have to think of extended this out for next week.

No TV Day One

Day one has gone significantly better than I had anticipated. I expected tantrums in the morning when she woke up, at lunch and all afternoon. Instead Isabelle never mentioned tv this morning before work but sat at the counter and enjoyed breakfast with me. We did have a discussion about quiet time because it has deteriorated into "tv quiet time". So now it is "upstairs toys" or "downstairs toys" quiet time. Once she realized these were her only choices she was fine. Half way through quiet time she switched locations but as long as I am not bothered I don't care. I did have a brief moment of weakness after quiet time when I hadn't quite finished my task and she wanted to get on the computer where she watches videos on the web. I let her but it was only a 5 or 10 minute video on the computer. Does that count? She started coloring while I was making dinner and now that it is in the oven and Isabelle is still occupied I don't really know what I am supposed to be doing right now. I guess that is one of the questions I am trying to answer this week without tv.

What if we didn't watch TV?

I don't watch that much tv. I rarely turn it on during the day and if I do only for about an hour while I eat lunch. I am really into 2 tv shows on Monday night. The rest of the time I just turn on the tv because it is there and my brain doesn't know what else to do. Not that there aren't other or better things to do but I watch tv. And more than once I have spent HOURS watching nothing. Just flipping from channel to channel waiting for something I am interested in to come on.

Isabelle on the other hand watches alot of tv. Not as much as Jake did, I don't feel I rely on tv as much with Isabelle as I did with Jake, but still too much. Often when she is underfoot and I am trying to do something I suggest a video. I know when her favorite shows are on so that I can suggest them when she comes to me. It is sad. Can I come up with nothing else for her to entertain herself? She has toys, we have craft supplies, maybe it is time to get them out.

I like to romanticize things. Here is how I would romantasize a tv free life. Each day I would rise before the rest of the family for my early morning run and time with God. I would come home and make breakfast for the family to have before they went off to work and school. Isabelle and I would clean up and head to work where we would make a difference in children's lives for a couple hours before coming home. Once home we would sit down together for a heathly lunch and then spend some time on our homemaking chores. I would feel great about teaching Isabelle homemaking skills that she can take with her into adulthood. Then we would spend the afternoon reading together, making crafts and doing some simple pre-school curriculum. Isabelle would then go off and play by herself engaging in imaginative play for a couple hours while I caught up on desk work, phone calls, helped John manage a small business, chaired 2 different fundraising events and the vestry. We would then make dinner for John and Jake who would both be home promptly at 5:30. We would sit down at the table and discuss our days and practice the family memory verse we are working on for the week. After dinner we would all clean up and then spend some time working on homework or crafts. John and Isabelle would have relaxing father/daughter time before she went to bed. John, Jake and I would close the evening by sitting down for a family game time or maybe read outloud from a piece of classic literature. See how I would become a different person if I didn't watch TV?

You know, it is difficult to reconcile the person you want to be or think you are supposed to be with the person you are. I know that I am doing pretty good in my life and shouldn't feel bad, and I really don't. But I just know I could do better, I know where I am failing. I know that God created me to do more but sadly I live in a fallen world where my desire to live my life fully for God every moment and my sinful desire to live my life only for myself collide into something not bad but far from perfect.

So what do you think? Can Isabelle and I do it? How about just during the day while we are home together? OK I am going for it. A one week trial. Let's say only during the day since I don't have the rest of the family on board yet. The first test will come bright and early tomorrow morning when Isabelle doesn't get to roll out of bed and turn on the tv. I better prepare my husband. He might want to go to work early tomorrow. :)