The end of 1st grade

I know you all love random posts with pictures more than my ruminations.  Although hopefully you love those too because that is what I love to do.  Still it is fun to share my life in pictures too.  So hopefully now that I am home I will get out the camera a little more again.

First of all, this morning this lady was quacking away in our back yard.  I think she was looking for her mate.  I wanted to tell her that he obviously couldn't hear her but I am sure she was waking up mine so if she could please look elsewhere that would be very nice.  But I didn't want to actually step out the door and walk up to her.

Today is the first day of summer break!  I know Jake has been done with classes for nearly a month but as I have been telling him for a month, he no longer gets summer breaks.  Welcome to the real world.  Get a job.  He has one, working the early shift at Caribou Coffee, but I have repeatedly told him he needs another to fill in the afternoon and early evening.  We shall see.  Anyway, Isabelle's last day of 1st grade was yesterday and now today she is officially a 2nd grader!  How does this happen????  I pulled out the camera while we were waiting for the bus yesterday and apparently she thinks she is a model because she just kept posing and I kept clicking.

She had a great year with a great teacher.  The cable repair guy showed up just before she got home so I missed her getting off the bus but I had a lovely lemonade tea party ready for us.  Apparently I had told her a couple weeks ago that she could spend the first couple days of summer vacation doing nothing but watch tv and after that she would be cut off.  She forgets nothing so has been planning her netflix viewing schedule for the last few days.  After that we are going to need a bit of a plan because I find it very stressful to have my kids lay around the house watching tv and playing video games all day long.  I have her signed up for a few things to break up the summer but hope she can find a rhythm of just enjoying the backyard, neighborhood friends and 3 months of unstructured free time.

Isabelle turns 7

Isabelle turned 7 last month.  We did celebrate it but barely.  I wanted to have a party for her friends but I had to let that go a week or so before, I just didn't have the money or energy for such a thing. (yet another complaint! I am so over myself!)  Then my cousin called to ask if I wanted to combine Isabelle's family party with her daughter's party a week later.  At first I wanted to say no because I wanted to have a party for Isabelle.  I do love throwing parties.  But I quickly realized what a blessing this request was and accepted.  And it was a wonderful combined party.  Good times were had by all.

The big day.  We reached a new stage of Jake's life where he actually went and bought her a gift with is own money AND it was a good gift.  A little dragon pillow pet.  Very exciting.

We gave her almost everything on her list as nothing cost more than $10.  Lots of craft and painting supplies.

John made this lovely cake, she requested angel food, for her birthday.  We did decide to invite my brother's family bowling with us for her birthday but I didn't even think to bring the camera.  They wouldn't let us bring homemade food into the bowling alley (if I had bought the cake we could have eaten it there.) So we drove over to the mall and ate it in the nearly deserted food court after bowling.  There was a table full of couples around our parents age and they were all excited to see us there eating cake for Isabelle's birthday.  One of them came over and gave her a dollar and another a quarter for the candy machines.  I bought $1 Dairy Queen ice cream cones for all the kids and it really turned out to be better than eating it at the bowling alley.

The family party.  Here is the birthday princess on her gift opening throne.

Jake wrestling with his little cousin.  Knowing how much Jake loved when older boys would give him attention, it is a joy to see him play with his cousins.

The birthday girls:  Anaka and Isabelle

Oops there is always something you forget.  Nobody bought candles!  Angie found 4 in her cupboard so Anaka got 2 for being 2 and Isabelle graciously agreed to let 2 candles symbolize 7.

Anaka wasn't quite sure how this blowing thing worked so Isabelle gave her a little help.

Happy Birthday to my sweet and wonderful 7 year old girl!  You are a blessing everyday!

Cleaning Uniform

It is so important to have the proper attire for any task.

And if you look good, you feel good.

Athlete in training

Isabelle has started gymnastics.  She was way beyond excited when I told her on Christmas day that she would be starting lessons in one week.  She has now had 2 lessons and is loving it but I have noticed something interesting.  She gets home crabby and exhausted.  When I watch her going through the skill building tasks of walking on a balance beam, doing backward rolls on mats and swinging from bars I only see the fun she is having but I realized after the first lesson, she just did a 1 hour workout!  When I have worked out for 1 hour I feel great but I am also exhausted and desperate for food.

I know people always talk about keeping kids active but it wasn't until this moment, seeing how tired Isabelle was after an hour of active play, that I realized how important it is, how much down time she has.  And I became even more excited about having her involved in a sport.

We aren't really a sports family.  Jake did baseball for a number of years but I think the dad's coaching Jake were a little relieved when we finally stopped signing him up.  We didn't really care that he wasn't good, we didn't spend our evenings and weekends working to help him improve, and he didn't really care that he wasn't good but kept asking to play because he was having fun.  This kind of attitude doesn't garner a lot of admiration in team sports circles.  Which I think is why Jake has enjoyed wrestling so much.  While there is a team, when it comes right down to the match, it is all about him.  Does he want to win and what kind of effort is he going to put in?  Which seems to be much more motivating to Jake. He won't be a college wrestler, he won't be going to state.  But he is having fun.  He is learning how to work out his body, be healthy and active.  And that is what I want my children to get out of their time in sports.

I would love it if Isabelle really clicked with gymnastics and shot to super stardom.  We are enjoying watching my niece, the future Olympic athlete, master the sport of swimming as she accumulates wins in increasingly large circles, from local to state to regional competitions.  We are proud and excited for her future.  But Isabelle might not be that motivated, she might just want to have fun and be happy to simply show off a back  handspring to her friends occasionally.

Since that day I ran out our back door 7 years ago and began my career as an adult onset athlete I have learned a lot about why it is important to have your children in sports.  As I have become more disciplined, learned to focus, achieved goals, pushed through to the finish line, I have been able to take those same skills into my day to day life.  I have taken chances I would never have taken before, I have tried new things that would have scared me to much before, I have felt a strength I didn't know was possible.  I have seen myself succeed and found it to be a high worth chasing in other areas of my life.  I have seen what I can do in one area of my life and believe I can do it in other areas as well.  I have believed in myself.

When Jake was little it really didn't seem like a big deal that he wasn't involved in a sport but today, having seen how my life has changed simply by running out my back door, I can't imagine not raising Isabelle to be active and involved in some sport.

So I continue to work out on a regular basis to keep my health and mental stability strong and am enjoying watching Isabelle develop the endurance necessary to be physically active throughout her life.  Whether it is as a gymnast or some other activity I know the reward will be worth the effort.

You're not bored, you're boring.

I hate the word "bored", as in "I'm bored". (I know, I know, I posted about being bored at work yesterday.)Sometimes the correct word for a situation is bored but I don't think any child has even a clue what the word means yet uses it so often you would think they spent their days sitting in the middle of an empty room with plain grey walls unable to move.

When Jake was little I had a friend who would tell her children, "boredom is the beginning of creativity".  So I used it on Jake a few times.  One time he came out of his room a little while later announcing, "creativity has arrived!"  But that only happened once.  However, he wasn't nearly as fond of the word as Isabelle is.

John has taken to telling Isabelle, "you're not bored, you're boring" and sending her to figure something out.  Yesterday she told me she was bored so many times I announced that from now on when I hear the word she gets a sad rock. (happy rock/sad rock is our behavior reward system.)

Why can't she just learn to entertain herself?!  We have a house full of options!

I shared about my outdoor childhood recently yet when I tell Isabelle to go play outside she looks at me like I am crazy.  What will she do?  Outside is boring too.

Now I fully realize and remember telling my parents I was bored when I was a child so I don't want to diminish the reality of children and bordom but, do you think technology has made our children more incapable of entertaining themselves than previous generations?

I think it might be time for some screen time limits at our house. 

Things I am thinking about.

the big sister

Isabelle's new little sister is a little over a week old and we got to have our first visit with her the other day.  Isabelle was so excited she got a little crazy but not so crazy that she didn't forget to memorialize the moment.  She pulled out my camera and took a picture of Scarlet all dressed up and ready for church.  I love that you can see her in the corner taking the picture.

Their first picture together.  She is loving being a big sister.

It can't always be about you

Last week I was obsessing about Isabelle's teacher thinking we were uninvolved, negligent parents.  I mean I already told her Isabelle would not be doing homework this year which, to her credit she has said nothing about after the initial email contact. Then when I got an email telling me I had missed turning in some permission slips I made her send me links to them because it was too much work to go searching through the school web site for them. (Really it is a vast abyss to search through.)  And finally I realized we have forgotten to send the appropriate show and tell item with Isabelle for the past couple weeks. 

Miraculously she has managed to have something for lunch every day and arrive basically on time.  I can't vouge (how do you spell this word?) for combed hair or matching clothes though. 

But I reason she is happy and bright and certainly not at risk of falling behind so if she does nothing this year she will be just fine.  Which is good because we are doing nothing with her this year. 

For the past 6 years our life has revolved largely around her.  We have given attention to Jake as well as John and my personal whims but it all sort of circled around Isabelle in some way or another.  This year everything circles around John and my transition.  With any extra effort available we give it to Jake as he spends his final year with us before graduation.

This is not to say she is being neglected.  We are just not focused on how to teach her, grow her and help her develop her gifts and skills.  She is getting a little less attention than she thinks she needs but otherwise this should be a great year for her because we are putting almost no expectations on her. 

It's first grade.  I think she will survive.

I imagine next year, with me fully transitioned into working and once again the mother of an only child able to volunteer in the class and focus all my attention on Isabelle, her 1st and 2nd grade teachers talking and Isabelle's parents coming up and after comparing notes wondering if they are talking about the same little girl.  One year she has the negligent parents and the next they are helping her reach for the stars, helping in class and running the PTA!

OK sorry I got carried away there.  I'm not going to be transformed into a totally different person, but still I can imagine a little more involvement in her life.  Anything would be an improvement over this year.

Good Morning Beautiful

Every morning Isabelle comes out of her bedroom and finds me (usually on the computer) and I say to her, "Good morning beautiful".  This morning I was distracted and just said "hi".  I was corrected.

Good Morning Beautiful!

I am a Builder's Wife

I have this philosophy when it comes to talking to kids about sex, just keep a constant open dialogue.  To that end my 6 year old has bits and pieces of the whole story without me ever sitting down and explaining sex to her.  Eventually I will help her connect all the pieces but for now her questions have all been answered.  Many questions have come as a result of her adoption but some are just normal questions. 

Isabelle: How did I get out of Lauren's tummy?

Me:  You sort of poop it out but girls have a special baby hole for babies to come out of.

This conversation prompted her to bring up her "baby hole" several times in the weeks following.

Isabelle:  I came out of Lauren's tummy so that is why she is my birth mom but why is Sam my birth dad?

Me:  You need a boy part and a girl part to make a baby grow.

She was about 4 at this point and knew more than some 10 year olds about how babies are made.

This past week I got:

Isabelle:  Why do you use a tampon?

Me:  When you get to be a teenager your body will start to get ready in case you want to have a baby.  A layer of blood forms inside of you so the baby has a soft place to grow and if there is no baby then your body gets rid of the blood through your baby hole and if you don't use a tampon it will run down your leg.

Lately I have been thinking about how this approach to sex really applies to so many other areas of parenting.  I am slowly establishing a foundation upon which we can build together over the years rather than bringing in some pre-fab house, plunking it down on the ground over a weekend, moving her in and leaving.

I am building a foundation for her relationship with God, her relationship with me and her relationships with others.  Her education, her love of learning and her future career.  Her habits, goals, desires, loves.

A few years ago when John was resistant to my attempts at discussing the plans for our future I finally said to him, "I know you think this life just happened to us but it didn't, I planned it."

And so it is with my children.

Jake recently got a 34 on his ACT.  An incredible score.  One could look casually at what is happening right now with our interaction to his academics and think that he just got "lucky" and is just "smart".  On the one hand I certainly never set out to make sure my son got an ACT score 2 off of perfect but on the other hand I didn't just toss him into school and wait to see how it turned out either. 

Those of you who know me know I have been directing every educational move he has made since pre-school.  This next year he will be doing his senior year of high school at the local community college.  It is a program our state has where students can earn double credit, high school and college, during their jr and sr year of high school paid for by the state.  It is an incredible opportunity, he will graduate from high school and finish his freshman year of college at the same time, something that I literally began telling Jake he was going to do when he was in kindergarten and have reiterated many times throughout the past 12 years. 

That is what you call building a foundation. 

I wasn't always sure I was making a difference but here we are in the home stretch with Jake and so far he is on track to become the godly man I planned and prayed for.

The view from above

All spring, back when I didn't know I was about to start working full time, I kept taunting my husband with my plan to build a tree house this summer.  I kept telling him Jake and I were going to do it.  We would build it with stuff in the garage.  He kept insisting we didn't have anything laying around the house to build a tree house.  It was a little thing we had going.  Of course he was scared because history reveals he really would come home one day to some loony contraption nailed to the side of one of our trees.  I am not about engineering perfection.  I am a "git 'er done" kinda gal.

Then I got a job.  And I had to admit I didn't know how I would build a tree house without John looking.  I figured my dream of a tree house for Isabelle would have to wait another summer.

I read the book, "Last Child in the Woods" a few years ago and I am obsessed with my children climbing trees, having tree forts and running through the woods risking life a limb to experience nature.  Just a little random trivia for you.

Somehow my wonderful husband must have sensed how serious I was about the tree house plan and how sad I was Isabelle wouldn't get one because that first week I was working I came home and found he had been doing this all day:

The Proposed tree house tree

Stuff that WAS laying around our garage!  I knew it!

Probably a more stable base than I would have built.

Just the right size for one little girl to sit and enjoy the view.

Loving every minute of it.

We're All in it Together

Planning summer childcare has been like organizing a 3 ring circus.  We ended up with a big wall calendar in Isabelle's room so each night before she goes to bed she can cross of the current day and see who she will be with the next day.  It has greatly improved her stress level.  I think she was in constant panic of being left alone before the calendar.

Of course you make a plan and immediately your sitters go on vacation.  So Jake and my sister-in-law were both gone last week.  As I was in search of replacement sitters I was talking with Isabelle's birth mother about when we could see them during their visit since I would be working.  On a whim I asked if she wanted to take Isabelle one of the afternoons I needed a sitter for, Isabelle was in VBS in the mornings.  She said they could take 2 of the days.  We were all very excited and a little nervous but it went great.
It is hard to explain how blessed we feel to have Sam and Lauren as birth parents.  They are loving both to Isabelle and to us.  We are a team in some ways as Isabelle grows up.  We all have shared goals to see her grow up to be a godly woman, to help her understand how blessed she is to have both parents and birth parents who love her and want the very best for her life.

Now they are going to be parents again this fall and we are so excited.  We are re-defining family as this child will be a full sister to Isabelle.  While technically I will not be related at all you won't be able to stop me and everyone else in my family from loving up this baby as if she was another niece. 

Today we broke another barrier in our adoption adventure by attending Lauren's family and friend baby shower.  Some family had never seen Isabelle while others hadn't seen her since she was only a few weeks old.  They have all followed along with pictures but it isn't the same as a real live visit.  The last time we met Lauren's family nobody knew how this was all going to work out but 6 years later we all know this is going to work out just fine.  We are all family brought together by Isabelle and for better or worse we are all in it together.

With Lauren's Family

Isabelle showing the gift she chose for her sister.

More Family

First trip to the beach

Spring in Minnesota?

While the romantic in me wants spring to be my favorite season, new beginnings, fresh starts, endless possibilities, Easter; the Minnesotan in me just cannot learn to love this season.

For one thing it can't make up it's mind. 

On Tuesday spring looked like this in Minnesota:

Today it looks like this:

All we can do is hold on to the hope that very soon we will be able to do this:

all day long.

Interview with a 6 year old

My mid-life crisis is 6 years old today.  I know everyone says it, I know I said it with Folly but, it just goes so darn fast.  Instead of reminiscing about her birth or saying something about the stage of life she is in, both of which I think I have covered enough in the past, I thought I would interview her.  She clearly only has one thing on her mind.

Mom: How does it feel to be 6 years old?

Isabelle: Well it does feel a little...I just feel a little happy.

M: What do you want to do now that you are 6 years old?

I: I would like to test my new bike...if I get one.

M: Anything else?

I: I really, really, really, really, really want to play with my birthday presents.

M: What is the best thing you have done so far in your life?

I: The best thing?  Get presents of course.

M: What do you want to be when you grow up?

I: I don't know though.  I am thinking of a ballerina.

M: Anything else?

I: Well I do think of being a veterinarian.

M: What is your favorite hobby?

I: My favorite hobby for my birthday is to eat cake and open presents.

M: How about when its not your birthday?

I: I would just take a nap or somethin'.

M: How do you like school?

I: Well it's going pretty well although it was a little hard getting the 100th day of school ready.  It is the best time when I have recess.  I love recess.

M: If you could be any animal which one would you be?

I: Cat.  And I would also be a cheetah.

M: What are you thankful for in your 6 years of life?

I: GOD

M: What is your favorite song?

I: Justin Beiber.

M: What is your favorite book?

I: Jack and Annie (Magic Tree house books)

M: If you could go anywhere in the world where would you want to go?

I: Georgia.  To Grace's house.

M: What else should we know about you?

I: Well I am a very great finger painter.  And I can make the finest arts.  I'll show you one of the arts I made:

Close Call

Afterward my heart was racing but as it happened I just stood there quietly observing.  Wondering what would happen, not totally convinced I should be freaking out but not sure how else to respond.

I was watching Isabelle standing at the bus stop about 50 feet from our front door.  She was playing in the puddles on the sidewalk.  Actually I must not have been watching her but the traffic going by instead because I watched an old man in a hat come around the corner, turn his head to notice my daughter and pull over on the opposite side of the road.

We live in a safe reputable neighborhood but on a busy road.  Not crazy busy but it is a main road for our neighborhood, for getting to the jr high and high school and for a few people who cut through the neighborhood on their way to work.  I can recall in years past driving down the road and seeing a little boy waiting for the bus or getting off the bus on this busy road with no parent in sight and thinking how unsafe that was.  I would never let my child stand on this busy road alone I smugly thought to myself.  But then reality comes and mornings are busy and your child has more enthusiasm to get out and stand in the wet slushy world than you do.  I am watching with the door open.  And in retrospect, that mom probably was too.

So when he pulled over I initially thought he was just worried about a little girl standing alone on the side of a busy road.  He was an old man after all.  I pushed open the storm door so that he could see I was there.  I watched as he sat for a moment in his car seeming to do nothing.  My husband was still home and I mentioned the activity to him as well.  There we both stood looking at the car while holding open the door as his car door started to open and then immediately closed.  Now my husband is getting on his shoes and I am reaching behind me to do the same.  Then I look up and the bus has come.  I watch my totally oblivious daughter safely board the bus and moments after the bus pulls away the man drives off in the opposite direction.

My husband and I are stunned.  What do you make of that near encounter?

As my mind started clearing I wished I had called Isabelle to come back up by the house.  In the frigid cold weather she stands either in the house or on the front stoop and runs out when the bus comes but the warm weather and puddles were calling this morning.  Nothing happened and I am coulda, woulda, shouldaing.  I can't imagine how much second guessing goes on in a person when something actually does happen.

I left for an appointment but my husband decided to call the police and just give a heads up.  They decided to send an officer out to our house to talk with him.  Amazingly enough, another cop was driving the area and found the old man in the white VW wearing the English driving hat.  He lives a few blocks away. Yes, he said he was the one.  He had simply pulled over, as was my first instinct, because he was concerned for a little girl on the side of the road.  The cops said they tended to believe he was telling the truth but put him in the system.  Frankly, I tend to believe him too.

It is sad that we live in a world where so many sick, sad, desperate things happen that I can't let my daughter stand unsupervised in my own neighborhood in my own front yard.  Yet I know I can't which is why I was watching.  It is sad that an old man just trying to be friendly ends up in the "system" and suspect should anything ever actually happen in the neighborhood.  And it is sad that we jump to the conclusions we do when someone is just trying to help, but we have to.  Because while most of the time the situation is innocent the other option is unthinkable.

Tomorrow I will be standing in those puddles with her.

Reclaiming a Room

If you have kids I probably don't have to explain what happened.  I don't have to tell you how busy I am, how tired I am at the end of the day or how quickly it all goes awry.  I don't have to explain to you how this happens to my daughter's bedroom:

But sometimes walking in a room like this can be so overwhelming that you just want to walk right out.  Where do you begin?  I thought I would break down the steps for restoring order.  Not sure the steps for keeping order, that is for another day, another season in my life.  For now lets just figure out how to transform a room that looks like this:

Step one in all my bedroom cleaning tasks, make the bed.  It is big and quickly gives me visual hope I can conquer the task.

Next remove all dirty clothing, put away clean clothing.

I had dedicated a bunch of time to this project so I straightened the drawers too.  I like to stack her shirts on the side so I can see them all.  She is more likely to wear a variety when she can actually see all her choices.

So we are looking a little better:

Next remove large furniture that doesn't go in there and all the videos that accompany it.  Looking even more manageable.  And I added a helper to the project at this point.

Put helper on the shoe detail while you tackle the books.

Once the books are done the hard work begins.  All that is left is the junk.  The little random pieces that you don't know what to do with.  Normally I toss them all into a couple catch all bins on that shelf but the purpose of this project was to organize toys and cull the room of unnecessary toys and junk.  My plan is to put away half the toys so she has a more manageable amount to play with and then switch them when she starts getting board.  I will have to report on the success or failure of that plan in the future.

Today I just organized what was there and packed up some junk I am sneaking away.  A couple hours after starting the project her room looked like this:

(side note:  She has over 20 pairs of shoes.  Where do these things come from?  She has more shoes than I do!)

But then I decided I still had a little energy left and it was time to make one more change to the room.  I removed the rocking chair:

Yes, that is better.  More room to play.

Just don't ask me where I put all the stuff I took out.  And stay away from my office...