Saturday, July 9, 2011

I am a Builder's Wife

I have this philosophy when it comes to talking to kids about sex, just keep a constant open dialogue.  To that end my 6 year old has bits and pieces of the whole story without me ever sitting down and explaining sex to her.  Eventually I will help her connect all the pieces but for now her questions have all been answered.  Many questions have come as a result of her adoption but some are just normal questions. 

Isabelle: How did I get out of Lauren's tummy?

Me:  You sort of poop it out but girls have a special baby hole for babies to come out of.

This conversation prompted her to bring up her "baby hole" several times in the weeks following.

Isabelle:  I came out of Lauren's tummy so that is why she is my birth mom but why is Sam my birth dad?

Me:  You need a boy part and a girl part to make a baby grow.

She was about 4 at this point and knew more than some 10 year olds about how babies are made.

This past week I got:

Isabelle:  Why do you use a tampon?

Me:  When you get to be a teenager your body will start to get ready in case you want to have a baby.  A layer of blood forms inside of you so the baby has a soft place to grow and if there is no baby then your body gets rid of the blood through your baby hole and if you don't use a tampon it will run down your leg.

Lately I have been thinking about how this approach to sex really applies to so many other areas of parenting.  I am slowly establishing a foundation upon which we can build together over the years rather than bringing in some pre-fab house, plunking it down on the ground over a weekend, moving her in and leaving.

I am building a foundation for her relationship with God, her relationship with me and her relationships with others.  Her education, her love of learning and her future career.  Her habits, goals, desires, loves.

A few years ago when John was resistant to my attempts at discussing the plans for our future I finally said to him, "I know you think this life just happened to us but it didn't, I planned it."

And so it is with my children.

Jake recently got a 34 on his ACT.  An incredible score.  One could look casually at what is happening right now with our interaction to his academics and think that he just got "lucky" and is just "smart".  On the one hand I certainly never set out to make sure my son got an ACT score 2 off of perfect but on the other hand I didn't just toss him into school and wait to see how it turned out either. 

Those of you who know me know I have been directing every educational move he has made since pre-school.  This next year he will be doing his senior year of high school at the local community college.  It is a program our state has where students can earn double credit, high school and college, during their jr and sr year of high school paid for by the state.  It is an incredible opportunity, he will graduate from high school and finish his freshman year of college at the same time, something that I literally began telling Jake he was going to do when he was in kindergarten and have reiterated many times throughout the past 12 years. 

That is what you call building a foundation. 

I wasn't always sure I was making a difference but here we are in the home stretch with Jake and so far he is on track to become the godly man I planned and prayed for.


  1. great post. i think you should link your posts to fb every time you make a new post. you will get some new readers and generate more interest. i like your posts of late.

  2. I swear you say everything I want to, only better!