If I was still blogging regularly today would be the 9 year anniversary of this blog. I don't keep that info hanging around the front of my brain, my facebook memory had a post from the 2 year anniversary of this blog. And today is 7 years after that post so I did a little math and here we are on the 9th anniversary of this blog.
I haven't really blogged for a few years. I guess I lost my passion for blogging or sharing any part of my life as I was navigating through the changes of our life.
I do miss blogging. I miss writing the stories of my life. It is fun when people read and enjoy your thoughts but I think what I miss most about blogging was just sitting down to chronicle my life. I often process through my writing so as I am crafting my stories I am also learning lessons from the experiences and thinking about how those experiences will shape my future.
9 years ago...what was I doing? I had a 3 year old and a 14 year old. I lived in two very different worlds raising them. I was a full time homemaker and John was self employed in the remodeling industry. We lived in a beautiful house on a large lot in a community we loved. I had some margin in my life to start thinking about who I was and where God was leading me. Life wasn't perfect but were happy with our life.
Today what am I doing? I have a12 year old who is navigating the jr high experience while homeschooling. And a 23 year old who is married, has finished his stint in the army, is living with his wife in Florida and preparing to return to school. John is working full time in the medical field while applying for grad school. I am working almost full time as a realtor preparing to fully support us in a year. We are living in a beautiful town home and discovering a new community a mile from our church. I have very little margin in my life to think about where God is leading me. We are happy and content as we journey forward.
That is the resume version. The more interesting question with the infinitely longer answer is "who am I today?" Because who I was 9 years ago when I started this little blog and who I am today are two very different people. And yet not. In many ways I am still the same. I just have a broader understanding of the world, I have had a greater array of experiences, both good and bad. But they have not shaken my core. I am still unyielding committed to the Lord. I still like to tell stories of my life. I still make a lot of mistakes. My children are older but I still think they are wonderful, brilliant and hilarious. I still adore my husband.
I still sit with God every morning reading my bible and jotting a journal entry. I am not sure my thoughts have been very profound over the past few years. I feel like God used to speak to me more clearly. But I was thinking yesterday about Mother Theresa. I am going to do a vague summary here so don't quote me on this but I have heard/read in a couple places that upon reading her journals after her death it was discovered she often expressed the same feelings I have had, that God was not speaking to her, she felt emotionally distant from God. She had felt a clear call on her life to enter ministry in Calcutta and then nothing. And I totally get how frustrating it is to feel like God isn't talking to you like he once was. But as I think of her life what I observe is someone who heard God speak and went and did what he called her to. And lacking any further direction she did the work God called her to the rest of her life. And that work has resulted in amazing, life changing, God honoring experiences for her and the people she served. This has led me to think about the work God has called me to. He prepared me and called me to raise an adopted child navigating the challenges that come with that experience, return to work so my husband can pursue the calling God placed on his heart. He called me to let go of my son, release him to adulthood and trust God to direct him. This is what I am doing with my life right now. It isn't glamorous but neither was the work Mother Theresa spent her life doing. It is the work God has called me to and I hope I am pursuing them with the same passion Mother Theresa pursued her call.
If I was still blogging that is what I would tell you today.