Folly Friday

Boy some weeks I inundate you with my vast wisdom (or is it random trivia) and then others I have nothing to say.  I figure I can at least give you one thought this week, actually this will mainly be random trivia.

A SPELL CHECKING BUTTON HAS MAGICALLY APPEARED ON MY BLOG!  JOY OH JOY, I WILL SEEM MORE INTELLIGENT THAN I ACTUALLY AM ONCE AGAIN.

I have been contemplating my potential writing career.  I have been reading a book called, "writer mama" which John bought me for mother's day after I raved about it from the library.  It is both helpful and overwhelming.  It tells where to start but still leaves me with the question, "where to start?"  I waver day to day with confidence and doubt about my ability to have any level of success in this endeavor.  And without a boss to tell me what to do, where to start or even when to start I feel like I am floundering a little bit.  I would really love and am praying for a mentor, someone a little ahead of me that can encourage me, answer my stupid questions and direct me when I get lost.  Not someone I harass and feel like they might be wondering why I keep bothering them but someone who is genuinely interested in helping me succeed.  I know she is out there somewhere.

Yesterday I rode my bike to my parents house. They live about 12 miles away which is the distance I am riding in the triathlon I am doing in 2 weeks with my sister. (I don't know if I have mentioned it much here as I have been chronicling my training at WEWAWO, the sisters shared diet and exercise blog.) My mom had rode her bike over to my house a couple weeks ago. I was confused by her arrival still smelling fresh of perfume, no apparent sweat on her body and hair still fluffy despite 12 miles under a helmet. I hopped on my bike, with Isabelle in a trailer behind me, knowing that I was in much better shape than my mom and would have no trouble at all riding out there. I asked John to come home for lunch to install my new clip pedals on the bike so I could really be official on the ride. He sucessfully managed to cut his knuckles and leave lots of blood on my pedal so I could be thinking of him the whole ride. Somehow the whole thing ended up being much more challenging than I thought it would be. I think the only thing that kept me going, besides the fact that I was miles from my destination and from home, was the fact that my mom had so effortlessly come to my house. Plus, I am doing a 12 mile bike in the triathlon in 2 weeks, if I can't do this I am in trouble! I finally got into Chanhassen and was about 2 miles from their home, having gone 10 miles and stopped at dozens of stop lights where I had to unclip from the pedals to wait. But then I found myself stopping while also turning my bike and somehow the multiple tasks did not go together. Down I went right at the corner of a somewhat busy spot in downtown Chanhassen. I was surrounded by women in mini vans staring at me. There is really nothing to do but laugh at yourself and get back up. It wasn't a bad fall, I think being attached to Isabelle slowed my decent (the trailer didn't move, just my bike.) I had a scrape on my hand a knee but didn't see any blood so got back on and went with the light. As I rode I glanced again at my hand to discover that I was quickly developing a large hematoma and turning a lovely shade of blue. I pressed on for 2 more miles and arrived just as my mom was heading out on a search party to find me. (she had called and talked to Isabelle just before my fall and knew we were in the area.) So there I am, exhausted, dripping wet with sweat, hair wet with sweat, bruised and bloody (the knee did bleed a little). Not at all like my mom looked when she arrived. I got myself and ice pack and sat down.  My mom started commenting on what a nice ride it was. I commented on how many hills there were. What hills she wondered. OH! She rode her bike downhill for 12 miles and I rode my bike uphill for 12 miles! Plus I had a 50 pound parachut behind me. Suddenly it all made sense. Maybe next time I will bring my bike there and ride home. I hear that is a lovely ride. But there was no time to recover. What I thought would take about an hour took me almost 2 hours and now it was time to convince my parents to take me straight to Jake's last track meet.

This was his first year running track and the first organized sport he has been involved in since 3rd grade.  He really seemed to like it and said he is planning to sign up again next year, a good sign.  I told him one of my favorite parts of track for him was the fact that he wasn't particularly good at it.  He seems to be a natural at so many things.  With very little effort he can be successful and run with the top players in most of what he takes on.  But, he is not an instinctive runner, he has finished last in most of his runs.  We have been told that running is something you can learn and we are enjoying seeing him improve and work at something.  When he comes home and I ask him how he did he tells me about how he had a PR (personal record) in the race rather than about all the kids who finished faster than him.  That is exactly what I wanted him to learn in running.  That is exactly the kind of lessons I have learned from my own running.  He isn't always going to be the best or even good at everything he does but that doesn't mean there isn't value in the task.  He is having fun, getting exercise, learning a skill he can take into adulthood and making new friends.

We arrive to late to see his first run but find him holding up the goal post with his team mates.

Hold on, he moved.  Walked a few feet from the goal post. (I spared you the pictures of the top of his head while he lays against the gatorade buckets.)

Wait, is he stretching now?  Could he be running again soon?

Look I think he is coming toward us.  Grandma and Grandpa came to watch him hold up the goal post and I had been texting him for a while to come talk to us.  Since I can see him I know he got it.

Yes a smile and brief conversation with Grandma.  He assures us he will be running soon.  Grandma is nervous, she is having house guests in a couple hours.

OK here we go, the 200 meter dash.  He is a sprinter. (I don't see him in this picture either but I know he is there.)

There he is in the close lane.  Green shirt.  Go Edina.

Getting closer.

Another successful last place finish.  That way there is nobody else cluttering up your finish shot.  Go Jake!

Back to writing for my final thought on this post.

As I have been praying and seeking God to lead me in this new adventure I thought of a story from my Mary Kay years.  While I may never have driven a pink car the training I recieved while selling Mary Kay has seriously impacted almost every single aspect of my life in some way.  Today I am remembering the story of one National Sales Director who started off just like the rest of us making phone calls to friends and feeling a little insecure.  At one meeting she attended the speaker used the word "offer" when refering to telling women about the product and recruiting.  That word connected for her.  She didn't have to sell, force, cajole or whatever was making her feel intimidated.  She would simply offer women the product and opportunity and then see what happened.  As I begin thinking about writing and what kind of writer I will be I feel like God has given me a couple words to help direct my path.  One is "teach" and the other is "disciple".  While others may find these words intimidating to me they feel safe.  Teaching is just sharing information.  I don't have to know everything, I will either find the information or just tell what I know.  And Disciple is very similar.  Just tell what I know.  Encourage people in their faith.  I don't have to convince anyone to do anything I just tell what I know.  Tell what God places on my heart.  God will do the rest.

What might have been

I have a big chalk board in my kitchen which I use for various things.  Mostly I like to write quotes or scriptures that speak to me and inspire me.  I recently came across this quote,

"It's never too late to become the person you might have been." 

As I think about becoming a writer and launching into a whole new phase of my life that really resonates.  Although I have to say I never dreamed of being a writer, never had wonderful things writen on my papers in high school and really didn't learn to spell until the invention of spell checker.  I actually still remember I got a D in senior year english.  As I said, I never considered writing as being part of my future. 

I was going to do something in business.  Accounting was the direction I thought I would head.  And after high school I worked in various accounting clerk jobs where I did mediocre at best.  I knew what I was doing but wasn't particularly detail oriented.  Something apparently they expect you to be when working with numbers and money.

After Jake was born I found myself sitting on the couch for several months looking out the window while he nursed.  That time of solitude gave me an opportunity to look back on my little "career" and really consider what I did right and what I did wrong during my working years. It also gave me a chance to really ask myself who I was and what I was meant to do.  It didn't take me long to realize that accounting was definately NOT what I was meant to do.  I had the wrong personality and temperment to ever spend my life creating columns of numbers.  I felt so much relief to be able to free myself from that path but I did wonder what career path might be before me instead.

Well 15 years later I can safely say that wife, mother, homemaker was the career path before me and with a 5 year old still keeping me busy it will continue to be my primary focus for many years to come.  But here comes writing.  Something I am finding myself enjoying so much.  Something I don't feel like I am forcing myself to do but would do even if I was the only one who read what I wrote.  Or my 10 blog readers.  (Only 3 of which are willing to follow me...)  And the good news is that people actually are validating this new direction in my life.

I don't know where it is taking me but I know it is worth pursuing and I know that it is definately not too late to pursue becoming the person I might have been all along if I had understood myself at 19 the way I understand myself at 39.

To Write or Not To Write

I started this blog over a year ago with much trepidation.  I expressed in that first post my secret desire to be a writer and thought it might be fun to see what came out of my head here in blog world.  I wasn't even sure I was going to tell anyone I had started it assuming that if I didn't tell anyone nobody would ever read it and I could sort of get it out of my system without having to be vulnerable.  Of course the reality is that I can't keep a secret, certainly not one about myself, and so I told my sister within hours of publishing that first post.  She doesn't get my weird insecurity at all and insisted I go for it, dictated the topic of a couple of my first posts and as I recall published the link on her facebook page.  She also started her own blog as did my mom as a result. 

All of that certainly gave me a lot more confidence to go for it here in blog world sharing oh so many random pieces of information from deep to pointless.  As evidenced by my snowman post the other day, I can always just whip up a post on nothing any time I hit a dry patch.  I am having fun writing here and recieving positive feedback on my posts.  Believe it or not I also get a lot of people who read the random emails I send them telling me that I should be a writer just based on those.  Email readers tell me I am funny...Do you think my blog is funny?  I feel like I am funnier in email than in my blog...Well that is another discussion and getting a little off my point...

Today I have another secret that I wasn't going to tell anyone for a while but here I am writing about it a few hours later.

I was chatting with one of those friends who thinks I am a funny email writer telling her I felt like God was preparing me for some next step in my life as Isabelle gets near school age but I didn't really know what it was.  We discussed various careers I could embark on but that didn't really feel like the direction I was being pulled.  Then I mentioned the writing thing and my friend got all excited and said I should definately pursue that going on and on about what a great and funny writer I am. (She actually used the words "modern day Erma Bombeck".  Really?) She really pumped me up and by the time she left I was seriously thinking about it for the first time in my life.  I picked up a book at the library about writing and perused a few books while out at Barnes and Noble.  I told my husband who was also extremely supportive of the idea.

I know it might sound a little weird but I really want to write magazine articles.  Yes, yes maybe a book someday would be an ultimate dream but seriously I would think I hit big time if a magazine of any size published something I wrote and actually paid me for it.  So that has become the big goal.

How is this done?  I still barely know.  If you know someone who is a writer and has a clue where I start please send them my way.  In the mean time I have some research to do this spring in preparation for the big step I am taking this summer...I signed up for a writers conference! 

A friend of mine who wants to write a book and actually launch a whole ministry was planning to attend and telling me about it.  Knowing my secret desire she had suggested in passing that I should come too but I am sure never thought I would consider taking her up on it.  And when she said it in passing I never thought I would consider taking her up on it.  But here I am a couple months later all signed up to drive to North Carolina the end of July for She Speaks Conference.  Have I lost my mind?  Totally possible.  But I just really want to live my life pursuing my dreams rather than just talking about them.  I don't want to wonder if I could have been a writer but just passed on the opportunity.

Actually that is a little of what I am speaking on at our women's retreat, following God's leading in your life.  I am planning to encourage all those women to listen for the prompting of the Holy Spirit in their lives and act. I am planning to tell them that if God is in it whatever He asks of us will be doable because He has already prepared the way.  So that is what I am believing, God is preparing the way for me in writing.  I don't know where he is taking me, and I suspect it will not be a short road, but I am excited to walk down it and see where it leads.

Anyone else want to come?