"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13 (NIV 1984)
I can not tell a lie. I feel almost giddy about having my son out of the house. Is that wrong? I felt so relaxed yesterday. Which is not to say I didn't almost burst into tears when I went to put a forgotten t-shirt in his room but overall I spent the day thinking of all the ways I didn't have to think about Jake.
Making lunch, I noticed some lunch meat I had bought in an attempt to get him to eat a healthier lunch at home rather than going out.
I don't have to buy that lunch meat or worry about what he is eating anymore. Relief.
His room will still be clean. Relief.
No clothes will be mid cycle when I want to do my laundry. Relief.
I don't have to worry about the fact that he is playing video games all day when he has other things to do. Relief.
I don't have to wonder where he is when he isn't home at 10pm. Relief.
I am not responsible for the day to day life of my son anymore. And while it is the end of an era, IT FEELS GREAT!!!!
John shared with me last night that he feels the same way.
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace..." We are joyful but also full of peace. A peace we know we would not have experienced if he was in Boston but, we realize we probably wouldn't feel as good if he had stayed nearby either. It comes from knowing his is where God wants him.
Will I still feel this giddy in a month when my son is not calling or responding to my texts and is living a life I know nothing about? Or is calling and sharing problems? Will I start to miss worrying about his diet and having to finish his laundry? Probably. And when that time comes you can remind me to re-focus my thoughts toward God. To put my trust and hope in Him.
Throughout Jake's childhood I have had one single thought that has gotten me through every trial in his life, "God loves my son more than I do." And this weekend as I worried about whether he would make good choices, follow through on all the tasks and responsibilities in front of him, God reminded me of this truth once again. I might not always want to parent exactly the way God does but I do know his plans always turn out better than mine.
So I trust. And I release. And on day 2 home without Jake, I feel great! Full of Joy and Peace.