Processing

Last week I was driving to work when my husband called.  He told me his sister told him the tests his dad had the week before showed he likely had stomach and possibly estophegele cancer.  "That's too bad.  I am sorry to hear that." and  "OK, thanks for calling, have a nice day."  I told him while continuing down 35W to work.

I went through the motions of the rest of the day, answering phones, chatting with co-workers and working sudoku puzzles but in my mind I was still speeding down 35W, frozen in place.

I remember a number of years ago my sister telling me she opened her front door to discover some life changing news.  While her physical body went on with the rest of the day, in her mind she was standing at the front door all day long.  I get it.

It is funny how we respond to life chaning news.  In your mind you expect to respond to it like you respond to everything else in your life but somehow the big stuff causes different responses.  Looking back this isn't the first big thing that has come my way and I have responded initially to them the same way.  I pull back.  I am a processor.  I need to spend time thinking about the news and finding a place to put it in my mind.  Figuring out how I am going to frame this new information and the experiences that will follow so that I do not get thrown off my center as I walk forward.  So I didn't talk about it too much last week.

On the other hand my husband, who normally lets me do all the talking and processing, suddenly started talking.  The man from a family who shares very little personal information suddenly was telling everyone he met, "Hi, my dad has cancer."  I think he needed to say it and hear it and see it outside of himself to process it.

Funny how we are both processing the big stuff in the opposite way we process the day to day stuff.

After that initial phone call lots more tests were performed, the cancer confirmed.  We are still waiting for all the results, all the information and the game plan for the future. 

The day after that first phone call I woke up with the word "Fear" in my mind.  "Do not fear" in particular. There is no fear when we know the Lord.  He takes care of us and walks with us.  I came across this scripture to turn to as we walk with the Lord through cancer.

Isaiah 43:1-3

But now, this is what the LORD says—


he who created you, Jacob,

he who formed you, Israel:

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;

I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

2 When you pass through the waters,

I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,

you will not be burned;

the flames will not set you ablaze.

3 For I am the LORD your God,

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;