Saturday, January 23, 2010
I want to go home
"I want to go home"
Me: this is your home.
Her: no my real home. Where I was born.
Me: the hospital?
Her: No with Lauren
Me: Even if you lived with Lauren she would make you take a bite.
Her: She is having the same thing?! Thats....Weird.
I was rolling on the ground laughing by the end of this conversation. She said it all while crying hysterically. I almost called Lauren on the spot to back me up on this food thing. We did talk later and I told her if I ever called with a strange request like, "should Isabelle eat a bite of fish?" she should just go with it. We laughed together at her comments and discussed the fact that neither of us are prepared for her to begin asking about this at such a young age.
Although I am very secure in my role as Isabelle's mother and in her love for me I would be lying if I didn't admit to having a little pang of sadness when Isabelle announced she wanted to live with Lauren. I had to give myself a little pep talk to remind myself that this is all part of the process and part of what I signed on for as an adoptive mother. I know that understanding Sam and Lauren's decision is complicated and difficult even for many adults and will take time for Isabelle to mature enough to accept. Everywhere Isabelle turns and all the media that she is exposed to portrays a traditional family where the mother gives birth to a child she keeps rather than giving it to another mother to raise. Guiding her through this understanding will be one of the most important rolls I have as her mother.
After the second comment which I was continuing to try to ignore I felt God encouraging me to talk with Isabelle about her adoption. I simply shared with her that even though she was in Lauren's tummy that I have always been her mommy. That I was there the day after she was born and brought her home from the hospital. She has never lived with Lauren. She actually hugged me and thanked me for telling her this and looked physically relieved. It is amazing to realize that at such a young age her sense of security can already be under attack. But I think if she didn't feel loved and secure she wouldn't feel free to say these things and ask questions.
So far these question have come up when she was being disciplined. It came up again this morning after I sent her to her room for something. I specifically remember during one of our early meetings with Sam and Lauren before she was born Sam telling us that if she ever called them because we were disciplining her for something and she wanted to get out of it that they would always back us up. I think we were all envisioning a pre-teen or teenager calling them not a 4 year old but it is nice to know even at this age they have our backs. (If she really knew what was going on she would run to Grandma and Grandpa, they are the real push overs.)
Never a dull moment around here.
Side note, I have finished labeling all my posts now so you may peruse all my thoughts by catagory. Enjoy.