However, summer is also a time I am faced with a difficult truth in my life...I have cellulite. Not just the kind you see when you are sitting down with crossed legs squishing the fat on your upper thigh but the kind that follows you around when you are standing there doing nothing but holding up your body. It is there when I am heavier, it is there when I am thinner. It is my friend through thick and thin, good and bad, happy and sad, whether I want it around or not I can't get rid of it. And we aren't talking about one small spot but a rippling down the entire back of my thighs.
It is better in some lights than others but who can predict which light you will be exposed to from day to day. The worst light seems to live in dressing rooms. That light highlights every ripple and creates shadows deepening the dimples. You would think dressing rooms would have perfect light. Don't they want to convince you that their clothes will make you look better than you really do? Recently I discovered a new location with bad light for me to view my cottage cheese legs, the club. As it has been getting warmer I started wearing my shorts to work out rather than pants. I also have been using new machines and one I use is right next to a mirror. As I stand there doing inner and outer thigh movements I can glance over at the mirror and get a disturbing side look at my ghostly white legs. I have noticed that my cellulite from this angle looks a little like that loose extra skin formerly fat people have. Like the plump part of my cellulite has gotten thinner but now rather than shrinking back to the dimple skin it is just hanging there.
Last summer I decided I needed to have a new perspective on my cellulite. It is OK. I'm OK, cellulite is OK. That will be the title of my autobiography someday. I used to see my cellulite as a sign that I am fat. I am not fat. My legs are a little fat but even they really aren't fat in the grand scheme of fat people in the world. So I am a skinny person with cellulite. It means nothing. I can walk around feeling comfortable with my body while my cellulite ripples.
Since I am obsessed with my own cellulite ridden legs I am also obsessed with other peoples legs. I covet women with long thin legs. Always focus on what you don't have rather than what you do. Never notice that the person with thin legs isn't looking at your cellulite but is actually looking at your flat stomach. Why would you know that though because you didn't notice their belly since you are focused on their skinny legs, it is a vicious circle.
I have decided to have new standards which I can control. I cannot stop my legs from being the biggest part of my body, that is just the way God made them. So when I am running up a hill I think about my thighs as my "power" since they are so large and focus on using those muscles to get up the hill. And I am concentrating on creating long lean muscles which live under that cellulite. I might not be able to control the ripples on my thighs but I can help shape them with exercise. And I am changing the way I think about them. I am not going to obsess this summer about what other people are thinking of my cellulite but instead am going to focus on enjoying the summer knowing that I am healthy and strong.
Of course I will still wear a cover up when in my swim suit and I still wont buy a pair of short shorts (but really should anyone?). Yet I am going to strive to enjoy the activities of the summer without worrying about my cellulite and what others are thinking about it. Because lets face it, others are not thinking about my cellulite, they are thinking about theirs.
All good posts need pictures so here are some good ones of my thighs, luckily outdoor light does seem to be the right light to hide cellulite:
Here I am using that power in my thighs to spin around the lake last summer. Looks like I might be about to loose my bottoms, they are really a little too big so that they don't squeeze too tight and create muffin top. Apparently I am less concerned about them falling off than having my skin bludge even a little. What does that say about me?
Here is an example of the way my mind works. Right before this pictures was taken I lifted my leg slightly to relieve the pressure and alieviate possible cellulite squish in the photo.
And here is a shot 2 years ago when I let John take a picture of my in my 2 piece but only from the side which I have deemed an angle where my legs look good. Of course with my hands like that I look like I have a bit of a gut so mental note, put the hands down when you are having a side picture taken. Future post on my lack of breasts to come...
I'm with you on accepting your body for what it is and not obsessing over what it isn't. We ALL have features we would change if we could but let's face it - changing them would just shift our focus to a different feature we could change. I tend to loose weight in my chest and my calves - how unfair is that?! But I know I am healthy and strong and excatly the way God wants me to be.
ReplyDeleteBTW - I don't think your thighs look big or cellulit-y in any of the pics you posted...
Yes that is because I chose all pictures where my thighs look good. Plus I delete all pictures with cellulite. Back in the pre-digital day I used to cut my legs off pictures if they appeared to large. Leave no evidence.
ReplyDeleteI am slightly disturbed while simultaneously amused at your "let it all hang out" post. You are right, you didn't include any of the "real" footage in your photos, but I agree, that type of hard evidence always needs to be destroyed!
ReplyDeleteI look forward to your "no boobs" post after this one...I think we should save up for a "four for two" deal and go under the knife together next year! :)
Funny you say outdoor light makes your cellulite look better. It's just the opposite with me! I look good in a bikini indoors but I have an outside mirror that I use to "double check" myself and it's like two different people. Especially in the direct sunlight. Every bump, dimple and jello ripple is visible and seemingly magnified outdoors and my belly and the front of my thighs seem to sag while indoors they look perfect. Plus I find that even the front of my thighs down around the tops of my knees have cellulite that is invisible indoors. I've gotten to where I don't even trust an indoor mirror anymore. It's really nerve wracking to not be able to get dressed and know what you really look like! And I know the outside mirror is more truthful because outdoor photographs look even worse and I've torn up and thrown away many more pictures of myself than I've kept. My husband gets really irritated at me for doing that but as you said, the evidence needs to be destroyed. When I'm old and shriveled, I'd like to be able to look back at something decent, not a mickey thompson 34" tire sitting atop two cottage cheese stove pipes.
ReplyDeleteWow I love what you said. I have the same problem. The back of my thighs are a huge mess! The rest of my body is wonderful, flat stomach, tone arms, skinny legs but the thighs are horrible. I don't have any cellulite on my butt at all, just below my butt and down the back of my legs half way to the knee. I am so ashamed because I feel some fat women actually have better thighs than I do. I've been massaging the area every night and will try coffee grounds next to see if it reduces. Self tanning lotions are supposed to help by making skin tan. Tan skin looks less fat and hides cellulite. I have been working on trying to accept my cellulite but too many women on tv and in magazines ruin it for me by looking perfect and making me feel disgusting and abnormal. I only weigh 114 lbs and have had cellulite since highschool and I'm now 28 years old.
ReplyDeleteWow! i know this is late posting but I was searching on cellulite and came across this. I'm absolutely flabbergasted at one comment you made....that you look like you have a little gut in that picture. WHAT? Girl, you have serious body image issues. you have no gut, a thin waist and normal legs. But I totally get what you mean about making sure you only take pics that show no cellulite. I'm the same way. Don't want to remember the flaws. But shouldn't we be embracing our flaws and being flawsome, as Tyra Banks said. Ha. Not in today's world. I'm waiting impatiently for the cosmetic cure for surgical removal of the ripples as my dermatologist tells me emphatically that there is nothing out there right now that will do it, not a tummy tuck, lipo, creams or even the coolsculpt thing they have out now. Some women just have cellulite prone skin. It's something in the genetics of the under part of the skin. I exercise like crazy and even at my lowest weight the cellilit on my upper front thighs and stomach are hideous, especially in sunlight. I'll pay thousands to get rid of it. I'm 44 years old and 3 years widowed. Although I want a man who accepts all of me, I wanna feel good about myself. That, I think, is the real issue. Shame on me.
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