Spring has come, the weather has warmed and I have been thinking about my summer wardrobe. I love summer clothes. They are so much more casual and quick to put on. Not alot of layers restricting your movement just toss on a tank top and shorts and you are good to go. Or a swimsuit and cover up for an afternoon at the pool. Life is simple and relaxing.
However, summer is also a time I am faced with a difficult truth in my life...I have cellulite. Not just the kind you see when you are sitting down with crossed legs squishing the fat on your upper thigh but the kind that follows you around when you are standing there doing nothing but holding up your body. It is there when I am heavier, it is there when I am thinner. It is my friend through thick and thin, good and bad, happy and sad, whether I want it around or not I can't get rid of it. And we aren't talking about one small spot but a rippling down the entire back of my thighs.
It is better in some lights than others but who can predict which light you will be exposed to from day to day. The worst light seems to live in dressing rooms. That light highlights every ripple and creates shadows deepening the dimples. You would think dressing rooms would have perfect light. Don't they want to convince you that their clothes will make you look better than you really do? Recently I discovered a new location with bad light for me to view my cottage cheese legs, the club. As it has been getting warmer I started wearing my shorts to work out rather than pants. I also have been using new machines and one I use is right next to a mirror. As I stand there doing inner and outer thigh movements I can glance over at the mirror and get a disturbing side look at my ghostly white legs. I have noticed that my cellulite from this angle looks a little like that loose extra skin formerly fat people have. Like the plump part of my cellulite has gotten thinner but now rather than shrinking back to the dimple skin it is just hanging there.
Last summer I decided I needed to have a new perspective on my cellulite. It is OK. I'm OK, cellulite is OK. That will be the title of my autobiography someday. I used to see my cellulite as a sign that I am fat. I am not fat. My legs are a little fat but even they really aren't fat in the grand scheme of fat people in the world. So I am a skinny person with cellulite. It means nothing. I can walk around feeling comfortable with my body while my cellulite ripples.
Since I am obsessed with my own cellulite ridden legs I am also obsessed with other peoples legs. I covet women with long thin legs. Always focus on what you don't have rather than what you do. Never notice that the person with thin legs isn't looking at your cellulite but is actually looking at your flat stomach. Why would you know that though because you didn't notice their belly since you are focused on their skinny legs, it is a vicious circle.
I have decided to have new standards which I can control. I cannot stop my legs from being the biggest part of my body, that is just the way God made them. So when I am running up a hill I think about my thighs as my "power" since they are so large and focus on using those muscles to get up the hill. And I am concentrating on creating long lean muscles which live under that cellulite. I might not be able to control the ripples on my thighs but I can help shape them with exercise. And I am changing the way I think about them. I am not going to obsess this summer about what other people are thinking of my cellulite but instead am going to focus on enjoying the summer knowing that I am healthy and strong.
Of course I will still wear a cover up when in my swim suit and I still wont buy a pair of short shorts (but really should anyone?). Yet I am going to strive to enjoy the activities of the summer without worrying about my cellulite and what others are thinking about it. Because lets face it, others are not thinking about my cellulite, they are thinking about theirs.
All good posts need pictures so here are some good ones of my thighs, luckily outdoor light does seem to be the right light to hide cellulite:
Here I am using that power in my thighs to spin around the lake last summer. Looks like I might be about to loose my bottoms, they are really a little too big so that they don't squeeze too tight and create muffin top. Apparently I am less concerned about them falling off than having my skin bludge even a little. What does that say about me?
Here is an example of the way my mind works. Right before this pictures was taken I lifted my leg slightly to relieve the pressure and alieviate possible cellulite squish in the photo.
And here is a shot 2 years ago when I let John take a picture of my in my 2 piece but only from the side which I have deemed an angle where my legs look good. Of course with my hands like that I look like I have a bit of a gut so mental note, put the hands down when you are having a side picture taken. Future post on my lack of breasts to come...