Monday, February 21, 2011

Passionate Doldrums

Regular life is buzzing along here in MN. 

Yesterday spring ended and winter returned with a 12+ inches and counting snowfall. John was busy re-wiring his plow the night before the snowstorm and has been out since Sunday afternoon clearing clients driveways.  Of course his plow broke at the last account but it sounds like he will be able to fix it and still make the continuing ed class he is supposed to take today for his contractor license.  It should be canceled but it won't be.  This is MN, we just keep plowing forward no matter what the weather.  Conveniently, for the second time this school year our district had the foresight to pre-plan a day off immediately following a big snow storm so they wouldn't be forced to cancel school or, more likely, ask students to come in during the snow storm.  I also, conveniently, changed my work day from Monday to Tuesday this week so that I would not have to leave the house on this blustery day either. 

In other news, Wrestling is about a week from ending which will return my son to a more relaxed and more available schedule.  I, of course, have a long list of things we have been putting off until wrestling is over.  For instance, study for the SAT which he is taking March 12th, get a job, choose and begin working on the preliminary paperwork for eagle scout project.  You know, just a couple little things.

Isabelle's emotional management continues to exhaust me.  Yesterday she had a break down during the service because the little girl whose parents play music for our worship did not sit by her but by another friend.  Therefore, Isabelle concludes, she hates Isabelle and Isabelle has no friends and it is the worst day ever.  As we walked down for communion I told her all those things were lies and if it was a bad day she could keep it to herself.  Once home she had a break down because I wouldn't let her watch yet another day of netflix (we just got it and have been indulging in its novelty.)  Then she comes up with something she knows I don't like to do, glitter, which I say no to and has another break down.  Finally we agree to play a game but when she is sulking every time I get one space in front and then breaks down when I win 2 times in a row I tell her nobody likes to play with someone who is a sore looser and we aren't playing again.  That was about 20 minutes of breakdown in her room.  She FINALLY decided to just move on with her life and play with the many toys she has and the rest of the day went pretty well.  While I didn't say much to her during that seveal hour long break down about chosing joy I did manage to give my son a short speech about it last night.

I continue on through my life.  My job is going better as I learn more and more and become comfortable with the routine.  I have read 2 books in the last week per my new goal.  "Home to Holly Springs" and "Miss Julia Speaks Her Mind".  Both were entertaining quick reads.  I reserved a couple more books at the library and am waiting for them to come in.  I am managing to keep the house up again after the January transition with work and Dorothy which caused life to fall apart a little.  And I have re-engaged my brain in women's ministry and retreat planning.

It is a lot to manange, this life and family of mine.  And it is nice to be in this place where things are going along in some state of chaotic normal.  There are no crisis' in our life right now, no big changes, no difficult relationships to deal with, no financial strains, no health problems.  Just the regular doldrums of life.

Yet I am noticing that in the regular day to day of life I just move forward in a day to day way.  I loose the intensity and passion for life that exists in times of crisis.  And I forget to rely on God as heavily as I do in times of crisis.  He is still there and I still acnowledge him but somehow I forget to continue relying on Him.  I don't walk through my life with the anticipation of seeing him work the way I do when I am in crisis.  I am not as open to hearing from Him and listening for what he would have me do each day.  I just do the same thing each day, what is in front of me.  I get up, get dressed, work, clean, make meals, meet friends for coffee, exercise, watch tv read, go to Jake's wrestling meets, play games with Isabelle.  When life is simple I just go through the motions.

I want my boring day to day life to have as much passion for God as my life in crisis has.  I want to depend on God as heavily in the good, peaceful times of life as I do in the stressful and dificult times.

My need for God and my totaly helplessness is so clear in those times of need.  But my need and helplessness is no less in times of peace.  God's daily presence in my life gives me purpose, brings me joy, direction, clarity.  No day with God is ever boring.  There are no doldrums with God.  He brings passion to everything I do.

Psalm 5:3
"In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation."


  1. God is the fulfillment of all our needs, wants and desire. There is nothing without Him. He is our refuge, strength, peace, contentment, our strong tower that we can run into. Wow, God is AWESOME!

  2. I have been wrestling with my relationship with God in crisis and my relationship with God out of crisis. I put a lot of guilt on myself because I am not clinging. God walked with Adam and Eve in the twilight. I want my relationship to be like that. Not feeling like a 3 year old gripping tightly to my neck because they are in an emotional passion either due to pain or fear. God is awesome. He is a strong tower. But He is my father and I want to just spend time with him without need. Does that make sense?