I didn't do my list on Monday of things I am thankful for but today I would like to say I am grateful that the circumstances of my life do not define me. My identity is not wrapped up in the ability to pay bills, buy fancy Christmas gifts, wear fashionable clothing, make everyone happy, always do the right thing and know all the answers. Because, if it did I would be a big fat failure at every turn.
I must confess I hate admitting failure. I live in fear of failure and fear of the humiliation I think would come with failure. And when I think I have failed I am depressed. It is hard for me to get past it.
Yesterday I had a particularly frustrating encounter with someone who made me feel very small and very overwhelmed by our current financial struggles. I wanted to crawl in bed but I knew I needed to go on and could not let this person ruin my day. While for a brief moment I let this person define me, I quickly reminded myself where my true identity comes from.
My identity is in Christ. My identity lies in knowing that I am loved. Knowing that when I mess up there is forgiveness and restoration. There is no judgment. Knowing God will help me when I am down and not try to take advantage of me. He believes in me and sees beyond the circumstances of my life and into my heart. And when I define myself that is where I also must look.
So I did a few jumping jacks (exercise relaxes me) and repeated over and over the truth. I am a child of God. My identity is in Christ.
That afternoon I added to my gratitude list, I am thankful my identity is in Christ.
And when John came home that evening we added one more thing to be thankful for. Dated bathrooms. He has another job lead. We may be waiting between jobs right now but this is not looking to be a very boring winter. Praise the Lord.