Painting the Barn

I blogged a while back about my search for balance.  I am still on the search but it is starting to come together.  I was able to see most of the Susie Larson DVD on balance that I mentioned and it was excellent.  I am not going to highlight the whole thing but will say that she started with a list of what balance is NOT.  It is NOT a perfectly put together appearance, a perfectly managed schedule and looks different on everyone.

As I spent time seeking God about my percieved lack of balance I was able to focus in on one particular activity in my life that really seemed to be tipping me over.  I suppose any number of activities could have been the one to go but this is the one that I really felt the least peace about.  Homeschooling.  I really want to do it but as I have continued to sit on it and pray about it I can clearly see this has to go.  It was amazing how easy it was to make the decision once I realized this was the thing pushing me under.  I still haven't gone into the school district to register Isabelle for school but at this point am pretty sure she will be the first child on my side of the family to attend public elementary school.  I feel completely confident that she will do great and am releasing any fears that come up to God.

My favorite thing that Susie Larson said in the balance dvd was in regard to getting ready in the morning.  She said, "paint the barn in the morning and get on with your day."  It was about not obsessing over your looks throughout the day but I think can be applied to so many things.  Making the decision not to homeschool could be something that I obsess about, and definately for the first few weeks after making the decision I did obsess about it, but instead I am going to simply "get on with my day".

Since then I have felt so much more peace about how to balance the rest of my activities.  I know which ones I need to focus on right now and what I need to know I will pick up in the fall when school starts.  I have been able to prioritize.

Here is another thought about balance.  My friend Naomi was giving me a swim lesson a few weeks ago to help me with a Triathlon I am doing in June.  She had me do a dead man's float, face down in the water, to identify the balance point in my body when in the water. (your lungs)  I have been thinking lately about the balance point of my life, God of course.   When we balance ourselves over our lungs we float.  When we balance our lives over God we will also float.  We will be maximizing our strokes when we don't use them for floating but only for moving forward.  When we balance on God we can move forward and grow rather than spinning our wheels trying to do something God can take care of.  

I think my personal application of this thought is in realizing some of the things I am trying to balance aren't my job to balance.  I have a long list of things I want to control and move in the direction I want them to move.  But sometimes you have to trust God.  Yes I need to be involved in my children's lives and help raise and guide them but some of my stress is caused by my desire to over-control the outcome.   I am responsible for women's ministry at my church but that doesn't mean I need to do everything.  There are other women with a heart for women's ministry and I can confidently delegate to them as well.  Being involved in the parts God directs me to and letting Him take care of the other parts.  Trying to do God's job puts the balance point on my shoulders instead of His and creates a life where I am frustrated, overwhelmed and out of control.