The absurdity of Worry

I have decided that the topic of worry needs 2 posts in a row.  Who knows what God will tell me today, maybe there will be 3!

When I was in middle school back in the '80's I had a pair of ballet flat style shoes that were gray, pointy toed and had holes all over them.  They were the height of style at my middle school and I felt like one of the cool kids when I wore them even though I was anything but.

I grew up in Minnesota.  It gets cold in Minnesota in the winter, snow falls, frostbite warnings are given.  The people who set fashion trends do not live in Minnesota.  They don't know what frostbite is.  They decided the cool way to wear these shoes was barefoot.  And since I wanted to be cool, I wore them barefoot.

One day I wore them barefoot to my grandma's house in the middle of winter.  A few days later my mom got a call from grandma who had been up all night with worry over me going barefoot in the winter.

Let's ignore the obvious fact that I have horrible circulation problems in my toes and they regularly go numb in the winter, I am sure as a result of these very shoes. Let's ignore the fact that my grandma was right.

I specifically remember my mom telling me about this and thinking it was ridiculous.  Why should my grandma be up all night worrying about me?  And I was FINE.  It isn't like I tromped around in the snow.  I walked 1/2 block to the bus, got on and walked into a heated building all day and then home to my heated house.  (Until that day the bus got stuck in a snow storm 3 blocks from my house...How do I even still have feet?)

Right or not, what did my grandma's worry accomplish?  Nothing.  It made her life miserable and did not change my circumstances at all.

Now that my mom is a grandma I see her doing the same worrying her mom did.  Seeing little things happening in the grandchildren's lives that are concerning.  Things that could go wrong.  And what can she do but just sit around in her retirement, worry about it and call her daughters to share her worry.

As moms we are in the middle of it.  Back in the '80's I am sure my mom would have loved it if I put on socks but in the grand scheme of parenting that just wasn't a battle worth launching.  Today as a mom I must confess I don't care what my children wear.  Sometimes I will go to battle but most of the time it just isn't worth the effort.  On the bigger things that grandma's worry about like faith and relationships, parents are in the midst of it gently directing their children through and around the challenges.  Grandparents are just sitting on the sidelines watching with no control or sense of what is happening on a day to day basis.  So they worry.

Lately I am feeling a little like a grandparent.  My parents have been in Atlanta for several weeks helping my sister who is going through a difficult divorce.  Then last week my dad ended up in the hospital down there.  I am up here in Minnesota getting the overview but with no control over what is happening, not aware of the day to day directing of events and nothing to do but sit and worry about all of them.  Add to that my son and future daughter in law have decided to get married this Christmas.  While I understand the decision to get married this year it does bring about some challenges going forward in their life and marriage.  And since I am not involved in any of this I have nothing to do but sit back and worry about how they will problem solve each thing.  (My friends have been coaching me that the mother-in-law job is to keep her mouth shut.  How will I survive?!)

"Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" Matt 6:27

The thing is that I have my own problems.  It isn't as if I have nothing else to worry about, but here I am worrying about other people's problems.

Yesterday for some reason I was thinking about all this worrying I was doing and the absurdity of the activity sort of hit me.  What was I accomplishing?  Absolutely nothing.

Maybe that is how the song should go.  "WORRY.  huh, What is it good for?  Absolutely Nothing!"  (instead of WAR?  Are you with me here?)

Last week I was literally having an anxiety attack all day one day.  I felt like all the things I was worried about were pressing down on me, crushing me and I was about to pass out at any moment.  (I am being a little dramatic here but seriously I was having an anxiety attack all day.)

The thing is I don't generally spend a lot of time worrying, I don't engage in a lot of political discussions.  Not because I don't have opinions or concerns but generally I am not interested in raising my blood pressure to discuss things that I have limited power over and that I am trusting God to lead me through.  Same with friends, I love my friends and am always available to listen, encourage and help but generally speaking I leave their problems with them.

But when it comes to family it is hard to stay rational.

Since having my anxiety attack I have realized that I have to separate myself from this worry and feeling of responsibility.  While I love my sister, nieces, parents, son and future daughter in law, I cannot take on their problems.  I can love them, encourage them, give them wise counsel when asked but, I do not need to carry their burdens around with me on a day to day basis.  I am not responsible for them.

And suddenly as I was standing there yesterday the memory of my grandma worrying about me going barefoot in the winter came to me.  And I remembered how absurd her worrying seemed to me and I realized how absurd my worry was.

Now when it comes to the needs of my personal life and the things I can control, those I can worry about. Right????

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.Are you not much more valuable than they?" Matt 6:25-26

I guess not.

It is sort of like God knew we would be tempted to worry about our life and finances and how we would provide for ourselves each day.

Not worrying is not the same as not doing anything.  But I am starting to see that I spend so much time worrying about whether or not we will be able to make it that I don't have as much time as I otherwise would to actually do the work!

"Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" Matt 6:27

This is the question Jesus asks after telling them not to worry.  Sometimes it amazes me how He reads minds and addresses the obvious problems of a topic.  After spending time worrying each day I do need a few extra hours added to my life to still get everything done.  And now here Jesus is telling me I am not adding time to my day or my life by worrying?!

So I guess I should dispense with all the worry about my own needs as well and get on with the business of watching for God and joining him in the work he is doing in my life.

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?  So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them." Matt 6:28-32

I am ready God.  Let's make this happen!  Isabelle needs a new winter jacket and I know you are on the detail.

Watching the Sunrise

"He has made everything beautiful in its time."  Ecc 3:11a

While this has been a bit of a crazy few months living at my parents house I have to confess, they have the most spectacular view out their back windows.  And each morning since I have been here I have been sitting next to the window as the sun came up and the fog rolled across the wetland behind them.  And after nearly 3 months I am here to tell you, it does not get old.  It is no less spectacular today than the first morning.  It is new and fresh and powerful every morning.

I just couldn't capture its true beauty

The last couple mornings it has been a spectacular red sunrise.  Gorgeous.  I am stopped in my tracks by its beauty and must just stand and stare.  Afraid to move, afraid to miss even one second of its glory.

Photo by Chuck Young.  Not my view but he caught the red this morning.

As I am admiring the gorgeous red sunrise I can't help but think of the little ditty:  "Red sun at night, sailors delight.  Red sun in the morning, sailors warning."  And as beautiful as it is I am immediately thinking about the bad weather that is to come.

This morning as I observed the beautiful sunrise while simultaneously wondering what was in store for us weather wise today I thought about my life.

How many times do I look upon the beauty of what God is doing and only worry about what is next?  I get caught up in the "what if" of life. What if I don't ever make money?  What if John fails his classes? What if we fail?  What if something happens to our children? What if something happens to our parents? What if...  I can get so caught up in worrying about what might happen that I miss seeing what is happening.  I miss the beauty surrounding me.  I miss seeing and experiencing God's glory.

That isn't how I want to live.  That isn't how God wants me to live.  I want to revel in the beauty of what God is doing and showing me in my life just as I stood transfixed by the beauty of Saturday's sunrise.

Could this mornings red sunrise mean stormy weather today?  Possibly.  But I will get through.  I will pull out the umbrella, wear an extra layer of clothes, and press forward.  It is MN after all.  If we didn't know how to survive bad weather we would all be in trouble.  Bad weather might require a minor adjustment in our plans but it rarely stops us.

When stormy situations happen in my life God will see me through.  No need to worry.  Then when God places something beautiful before me, like a morning sunrise, I can just enjoy it.

"One thing I ak of the Lord, this is what I seek:  That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple." ps 27:4

Kenyan Sunrise

Are you missing the beauty God has put before you because of worry?

enduring during the days life is hard

I love to read blogs, magazine articles and self help books.  I love to hear people's stories, listen to them share what they have learned.  I love articles that give me to do lists, steps for how to improve my life and be a better person.  I get excited and inspired.  Motivated to become a better friend, neighbor, homemaker, person.  I love to grow and learn and become.

Most people share stories of mistakes, tragedies or difficult circumstances that lead them to a new epiphany.  Anything from the drug addict that found the Lord to the slob who learned to clean her house.

I love to say that my blog is just stories of "what not to do".  I like to lead by bad example, "don't do what I did".  I love to share all the mistakes I mae.  Like the other day when I had just finished showing a house and was putting the keys back in the lock box.  The day before I had taken this same buyer to a house where my electronic key did not work and we ended up walking around the house for almost 30 minutes before the selling agent came and let us in.  This day my key worked perfectly, we got in fine and really liked the house, but just as we were about to leave I dropped the keys.  Normally not the end of the world but this house was a bit of a fixer-upper and there was a 3 inch crack between the house and stoop.  Yep, sent the keys right down to the bottom.  It wasn't embarrassing at all to do that in front of the buyer or to have to call the agent and tell him I lost his keys.  When I got home John told me that had happened to him at a job once and he just dropped his magnet down on a string and pulled them right back up.  Can you believe it was the one day I left my magnet and string at home.  What were the odds?

Most of the time when I share about some crazy thing I have done wrong it is because I have learned a lesson, experienced God's grace, or otherwise improved my understanding of the world and I want to share my newfound knowledge.

Lately I haven't had much to say because my life feels a little like this dropped key.  An interesting story but with no real lesson to share.  Today at another house with the same buyer I dropped the key again.  Luckily there was no crack this time, I picked it up and kept going.  The fact is I drop things, I make mistakes and no matter how hard I try I will never be perfect.  I will always drop keys, if we could go back in time and I could do it again, I would probably still drop it.  Not because it was a great learning experience but because I will still be a klutz.

That is how my life is right now.  Just me living life, going through the motions of day to day responsibility and being imperfect.  I am heading toward something but I am not within sight of the finish line.  Just the long road in front of me.

Most inspirational books are written with this format: person going along in life, person has tragic events, person learns from events, grows in their relationship with the Lord and is now writing a book to share said lessons which you can use while you are going through your own tragic or just mildly difficult life events.

Somehow shared as if we could all avoid struggling through tragic events if we would just learn these lessons the writer learned while struggling through her events.

Read my book and the next time something bad happens in your life just remember what I said and don't worry, be happy!

The thing is some days life is hard, sometimes life is hard.  I am in the middle of hard.

I have read the books.  Heck, I have done hard before and written the book in my journals to remind me of the lessons I learned and why I should be able to go through hard without it feeling hard.

The reality is we can't avoid hard.  We can't avoid days where we just sit down and cry.  Not because we have lost all hope or don't know what to do, just because some days are hard.  And even filled with hope that everything will be fine, in that moment, it is just hard.

Jesus got it.  He cried.  He knew he was about to raise Lazarus from the dead and he still wept.  Because even when you know everything is going to be OK, in that moment, looking at his friend grave, surrounded by people grieving, it was hard.

I have hope, I have belief, I have faith.  But right now life is hard.  There are several things going on in my life right now that I don't feel I can talk about in this public format.  Not all of them are going on in my life directly but I am affected by the struggles of other peoples lives, especially people close to me.  And when those struggles are piled on top of my very transitory and challenging life circumstances, well, it gets heavy, and feels like a burden too great to bear.

Oh, Melanie, you say, "give that burden to the Lord"  He can carry it.  Amen friends I believe it and He does carry it for me.

Then why am telling you about it?  Because while he may be carrying it, I am still living in it.  I don't have to carry the burden of responsibility, I do not fear the path I am on, I am not burdened with solving my own or other peoples problems.  But under all that, I am still walking. The trials don't go away when we give them to the Lord.

Today, this week, this past month, life has been hard, exhausting, emotionally draining.  There has been good with the bad and I think the hardest part of dealing with trials is that sometimes the celebrations get overshadowed.

Still the Lord is present.

This year my word is "watch" and I can see God working every day in big and little ways.  He may not be rescuing me or the people in my life who are struggling but he is clearing the path and leading the way.

This morning I saw God clear a path for me.  This morning as I was feeling burdened by several things in my life God created an impromptu prayer group just for me.  I did not leave the house this morning to see friends and attend a prayer group, I did not even leave the house this morning thinking I needed a lot of prayer but God knew exactly what I needed.  I found myself crying surrounded by godly women I have known for years with nothing to do but sit and pray for me and for my family and our burdens.  When I left my circumstances were exactly the same, the struggles still existed, the road was unchanged.  But for that moment I saw God, he took that moment to remind me of His presence, His Love for me, for my family and for my role in it.

Life is hard.  When we are in the midst of it God does not always take away the hard.  He can if he wants, but in my experience he often doesn't take it away instead he walks through it with you.

Don't try to take the hard from me friends.  It is part of where I am right now, it is part of where God has put me.  Hard is not bad.  And some day I will be on the other side.  One day stability will come, everything will start to make sense and I will become that author who shares the wisdom of how to overcome the trials.  And when I do will you remind me of this moment.  Remind me not to tell anyone they can't live a hard life but to simply remember God is walking with you, carrying you when necessary.  Life is hard but with God you can endure.

Fighting Evil

I have been spending the past few months watching my sister suffer at the hands of someone who does not have her best interest in mind.  And I am watching him drag her through the mud with slanderous words, lies and using a lawyer to launch baseless threats.

As Christians, when we are under attack do we fight back or do we stay down and wait for God to rescue us?  Maybe the answer is both.

So I was praying this morning against evil.  I have become over this last year aware of evil and how it surrounds us.  I see it all around me.  Last night I heard of another struggling marriage.  And my heart breaks.  I see evil in my children, I see them struggle between God and Satan.  Finding their way through.  Jake has made his decision but is not immune to temptation.  Isabelle has yet to reach out to God.  She is listening to Him but she is listening to the world as well.

We have a legacy of faith in our family. 3+ generations of men and women serving God.  It is a blessing, surrounded by people you can always trust to encourage and direct you down a godly path.  And my prayer is that my children and the children of all my family and the generations to come will know and serve God as this past 3 generations have.  We aren't perfect but we all serve a perfect God.  And I pray that, try as he might, Satan is not able to get a stronghold in our family or plant any seeds of doubt that may grow up and affect future generations.

As we live a life of faith, as we grow this family of faith, growing from 5, my parents and my siblings, adding 11 children and spouses, Satan will pursue our destruction.  As we face life’s challenges, and they will always be there, I pray for strength and courage to fight knowing our battles belong to the Lord and He will always be the ultimate victor.

Sometimes in our life as we follow the Lord we find ourselves under attack from the Evil that surrounds us.

At the end of Deuteronomy when Moses names Joshua as his successor, as he prepares his people to enter the promised land he says, “be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”  In the first chapter of Joshua, as God is preparing the Israelites to enter the promised land and attack the city of Jericho, claiming what God has promised them, he repeats Moses' words 4 times in the first chapter, “be strong and courageous”. So we go to battle against evil.  But not on our own.  We are strong and courageous because we know the Lord is with us, He goes before us.  Actually before Moses says to be strong and courageous he says that God will be crossing the Jordan before them. 

And this reminds me of David’s battle cry against Goliath, “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty...for the battle is the Lord’s, and he will give all of you into our hands.”

We do have to fight at times.  Yes, Jesus tells us to turn the other cheek but he also acknowledges that he is sending us as sheep among wolves, "therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves." (Matt 10:16) This is not an idea that has to be at odds with one another.  We hear more about the idea that Christians must turn the cheek and be innocent as doves but we forget God led his people into battles and Jesus told his disciples to be shrewd as snakes.  We don't want to engage in the Evil behaviors of Satan but neither do we stand back and let him take over without a fight.

The Israelites went to battle and killed the people of Jericho.  David did kill Goliath and cut off his head and the Army of God did then chase and kill the Philistine army he was part of.  God’s people were under attack and had to defend themselves and at times God had them defend themselves by completely eliminating the attackers.

Not all of us can imagine standing in front of Goliath, a big warrior with armor and deadly weapons, with only a sling and a few stones.  But if you are under attack from an enemy and find yourself alone and standing scared you probably get it.  It doesn't look like you are going to be the victor in this battle.   Be like David who knew the outcome before he started.  Who volunteered to fight Goliath not because he thought he was a great warrior but because he knew God was a great warrior, “this battle is the Lord’s”.

Returning the Joshua and Jericho...Before the battle God sent out the army to simple walk around the city.  7 days in a row and then 7 times in one day.  He didn't put the army first, he put the priests first.  Then they gave a battle cry of victory before it had even started. And God dropped the walls.  They didn't keep standing there waiting to see what would happen next, they went in and did the work God had laid before them.

Each battle needs a different strategy but each battle belongs to the Lord and is fought by Him.

Pray circles around your children.  And when the walls fall be prepared to go in and battle for them.  To fight the lies and evil that Satan is trying to plant so they can instead be filled with the Spirit of truth.

Stand like David against the people in your life who feel like Goliath at times, and remember, he only had a sling and a stone but he did attack.  And because he was fighting the Lord’s battle he won.  No fear.

I don't want to become a family of aggressors attacking at every injustice.  The idea of fighting to right every wrong that comes my way, be right and win is just exhausting.  I think there are times when we do turn the other cheek, let evil have its say and then let it pass on by.  But there are times when we must stand up and fight evil, protect our children, and believe in God's power.  When family is under attack we don't stand behind a rock and wonder how we will get out of this, we stand up like David knowing that while it might not seem like we have the right weapons to win the battle, we are confident because the battle belongs to the Lord.

Ps 20:7 “Some trust in chariots and some in horses but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.”

God's Noisy Silence

Lately my quiet times have been a bit blah.  I get up, read, have no thoughts on what I read, nothing new to say to God, the usual, "need money, need a place to live, please help us".  And then I move on because there is just nothing else to do or say.

I remember many years ago being in a bible study. a woman talked about God being silent in her life at times and continuing to be faithful throughout it.  I sort of always thought it was stupid.  God being silent in your life.  If you can't hear God are you really listening?  Every day you sit down with your bible and you don't hear God?  Sorry, that just sounds stupid.  Completely counter intuitive.  If nothing else the bible is God's word, can you hear that?

But I think I sort of know what she was saying.  Lately I haven't had a bunch of God moments.  I don't hear his voice specifically talking to me, I haven't had any deep epiphanies.  I read my bible each morning, contemplate the meaning of that passage, read through the commentaries in my bible, and move on.  Rarely seeing an application to that day or moment in my life.  Unlike past moments in my life when it seemed like God could use a totally random scripture to show himself to me.  (I would insert an example here but all my journals are packed up in a storage container somewhere.)

Yet God's silence is not like the silence of a friend or spouse. God's silence is very noisy.  Because God is everywhere.  I may not have a clear picture of how to overcome my identity problems but I do know who my identity should be in, not me but Him.  I don't need the voice of God to tell me that.

As I look out the window and see beautiful fall flowers and birds and butterflies fluttering about do I need God's voice to tell me he is present?  I know because he tells me he clothed the lilies of the field and feeds the birds.  And he says, "Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"  Even when God is silent, he is loud.  He is present, he has given us his word in the bible and as we read, study and memorize it we aren't just learning words and ideas from some man made book we are filling ourselves with his spirit.

So even when life is dull, nothing is happening, Get up, read the bible, go to work, carpool, make dinner, watch tv, bed, repeat, i t just seems like God is silent in your life, not calling you to anything new, helping you over any hump.  But when you really engage in what you know, open up to what the spirit in your life is showing you, God's presence is overwhelming, his voice so loud.  "I am here!  I am working!  I am caring for you!"

This is where a good blogger would insert several pictures of beautiful scenery.  But considering the inconsistency of my posts lately I think we can all agree I am not a good blogger.  So just open up your last vacation photo album or search nature images on pintrest and imagine all those pictures going along with this post.

Who cares what strangers think?

Hello.  You still there?  Am I still here?

I miss writing yet lately I feel like I am running out of things to say.  Even what I write in my journal is getting a little dull.  When I am bored with my own private thoughts I clearly don't have anything to say here.

Yet, I find that writing, expressing, sometimes helps me get my mind around where I am at in life, I think out loud.  So I thought I would see what would come out if I sat down here.

A few things I have been thinking about lately:

My life really isn't that bad.  I have very little to complain about.  I live in a nice home, have a loving husband, a sweet daughter, a wonderful son and a beautiful future daughter-in-law.  I have extended family and friends who believe in me, support and encourage me.

Yes, I am in transition and I have needs but over all my life is good and the things I have to complain about really are not problems. For instance, my mom keeps her silverware in the wrong drawer.  While confusing every time I try to grab a fork, this is not really a huge problem.  I was thinking last night while this move and job change stage we are in right now is definitely stressful, very stressful, it really isn't the hardest thing we have gone through  in our marriage and likely there will be many future stresses to follow this one.

Which is not to diminish the fact that we are stressed here but to remind myself that we have overcome bigger mountains and can look back on them and see the joy in the journey.  That is one thing I am always trying to figure out.  Believing each day that this is just a moment, part of life and the days we struggle are just days, they don't define us or our lives.  I can experience joy amidst sorrow.  I always want to remember that God took care of me last time and he will take care of me this time.

I don't know how to define what we are going through.  It isn't a thing, it is a process.  I wouldn't say we are in a trial or a storm or anything.  I think part of why it feels so stressful is because it doesn't feel like a storm or a trial that we need to wait out or get through.  It feels more like a slide down a mountain.  At the end we will be on the bottom.  I feel like the struggle is that I am trying to grab hold of something to stop the free fall and I can't reach anything.  So we just keep falling down, down, down.

The truth is that isn't at all what is happening.  Well certainly one could look at it that way.  Failure.  But we have chosen this path.  If you volunteer to fail did you really fail?  If you purposely quit your job and sell your house is that a failure?  If you have a plan that does not involve living with your parents the rest of your life, if you are working each day to build a business, if your husband is going to school toward a goal, your son is becoming independent and your daughter continues to thrive.  Are you failing?

Then I want to carry a sign with me everywhere I go explaining my life to people.  I want everyone to understand my journey and why, although it may look like it, this isn't a failure.  I wouldn't want a stranger to think I don't know what I am doing.  I want to tell people that I used to be a stay at home mom in a nice house in a fancy suburb.  I used to write deep thoughtful blog posts about my faith journey.  My son used to go to an elite Christian college.  My husband used to have a successful remodeling company.  I want to tell everyone how after the economy tanked and business slowed we realized this was not the career we wanted to fight for and we decided to start all over again.

But why?  Why do I need to explain myself to everyone?  I think people who have to explain themselves to everyone are very insecure.  So I guess I am sitting here telling you that I feel very insecure about my current identity.

(I do think I am over the whole Wheaton thing because I no longer try to explain to people that Jake went to Wheaton and then joined the army.  I just talk about the army.  Well most of the time...)

When I came up with this idea, yes it was my idea, and told John, "I will go back to work full time and you will go to school full time and become a PA!"  I knew it would be a challenge but I wonder if I would have put that exclamation point at the end of my sentence if I really knew it would be this hard.  If I knew we would have to sacrifice this much.

Yet here we are.

John and I have at least one, "what are we doing!?" fight per semester and at the end of every one we conclude that this is hard but we are both fully committed to the plan.  So we keep going forward.  John keeps going to classes, doing homework, getting A's and fitting paid work into the cracks of his schedule.  And I keep working toward the goal of fully supporting us in the next couple years while simultaneously maintaining a balance in our family life.  And our family and friends, who may or may not see the plan as fully as we do, continue to stand by us, support us, believe in us and encourage us no matter what we do.

When I write out my ramble I think we can all understand what my problem is.  Identity.  I still want to identify myself as that homemaker with the successful husband who is busy keeping a lovely home and fully engaged in raising healthy, happy, godly children.  I knew what I was doing and people valued my advice and knowledge.  It is so much easier to look back on that time of my life and only see the beautiful parts and forget the challenges that existed there too.  As much as I loved my 3x/week morning working out the truth is I often wondered what I was doing with my life.  I often felt that I was just killing time and should be using my time more productively.  I can assure you I never wonder that these days.  And as lovely as that time of life was, we were always struggling financially.  So nothing has really changed there.

If I meet a stranger and they think, "poor Melanie, has to live with her parents.  Why doesn't she just go get a real job like everyone else?"  Who cares?  Does their opinion have to define me?  Only if I let it.  Only if I tell myself that same story.  Poor me living with my parents.  Why don't I just get a real job like everyone else?  I am never going to make money at real estate.  I should give up before I embarrass myself further.

SO...Pep talk to myself.  I am on a journey, we have a plan, I am going to succeed, it will be OK.  I enjoyed my past life and am now embracing my new life.  This new life includes extra time with my parents, exploring life in a new community, bonding time each day with Isabelle in the car back and forth to school.  I may not be in the expert stage of working but I am in the learning stage.  Asking questions, reading, observing, experimenting and I love it.  I tell John several times a week, "I know I am not making any money but I LOVE what I am doing and I promise it will eventually turn into money."

I used to talk about how God was leading and directing and encouraging me when I would ramble like this.  So let me assure you, each morning that is exactly what he does.  He reminds me that He is still there, we are still on this plan and keeps me going.  It is because of who I am in Christ that I can sit in this life and say, "who cares what other people think of my journey."  Because I know whether I succeed or fail, who I am is not about what I do, where I live, how much money I have.  It is all about knowing Christ.  My life is not about this moment or the next, my life is about preparing for eternity.  And while we may be a tad behind on retirement, sliding down a financial mountain, I continue to climb a mountain of faith with Christ right by my side.  I have no fear of sliding down that hill.  Not because of who I am but because of what he has done.

I am a Future Mother-In-Law

When you are this cute of a couple

 

Do you have any choice but to get engaged?

My son got engaged last week to his girlfriend of 3+ years.

It wasn't a surprise.  For her, or me or anyone they knew.  Just like John drove out to Virginia, where I was going to school, to give me an engagement ring, Jake flew out to Boston, where Jade is going to school, to give her a ring.  And just like everyone in our lives saw my engagement ring before me, we had all seen Jade's ring before her.

However, unlike John, who during a commercial break turned to me and said, "here, want this?",  Jake managed to plan something a little more romantic.  Could it be because his dad said to him, "For the Love of God, DO NOT say, 'here want this.'"! Apparently it is the sort of thing that is hard to live down.

Jake went with a plan.  A gondola ride in Boston, a message in a bottle slipped into the water for her to find as they are floating along and a ring presented on one knee.  I wasn't there (obviously) but it sounds very sweet.  And she said yes.

So now I am a future mother-in-law.  The journey here has been a bit of a challenge.  I have had my concerns at times with this relationship.  But when Jake left for Boston with a ring in his pocket I was able to tell him with all honesty that I was excited for him.  Excited for them.  Excited to welcome Jade into our family.

So I am a future mother-in-law.  Hmm, well, what is that like?  

Naomi was the mother-in-law of Ruth.  After her husband and son (Ruth's husband) died, she told everyone to call her "bitter" and for Ruth to leave, go save herself.   Not sure this is the mother-in-law model I am looking for. (Although Ruth comes off well if Jade is looking for a daughter-in-law example.) 

Peter's mother-in-law died but then Jesus brought her back to life and she immediately began serving dinner.  That might be a better example but let me be honest...if I have a near death experience, am sick or just have a long day, I am not going to get up a serve anyone.  I am going to ask someone to order a pizza and lay down on the couch.

Who else you got?  

How about my mother-in-law, John's mom?  She is a pretty good example.  I mean sometimes she annoys me, says weird things.  Sometimes I look at John's whole family and wonder what on earth they are thinking.  I mean, that is not the way my family would do it.  But sometimes my own mom annoys me, says weird things and makes me wonder what on earth she could be thinking.  So really, pretty normal.  

I don't think I appreciated my mother-in-law and our great relationship until Jake started talking about getting married.  I never appreciated how hard it is to be a mother-in-law.  Hard to keep your mouth shut (really, really hard for me because I like to share every thought I have.)  Hard to trust someone else to take care of your baby.  Especially at a young age.  John's mom did it with grace.  And whenever she would say or do something that bugged me I would just remind myself that she loved me, is not trying to hurt me and maybe I was over-reacting.  And maybe, just maybe, I said and did a few annoying things in the early years of our relationship and marriage too.  Unlikely but I throw it out there...

So I am a future mother-in-law.  And I am excited.  Now that the detail of the proposal is take care of we are on to more important questions.  Like, what color should my dress be?  What should I serve at the grooms dinner?  And, will I get invited to go dress shopping???? (pleeeeeease).

Congratulations Jake and Jade.  I love you both.  Welcome to the family Jade.

(I've been saving this one since last Christmas. Today seemed like the right day to bring it out.)