Monday, August 26, 2013

The rebel and the good girl

Why does the good girl marry the rebel?

Growing up I was definitely a goody two shoes.  I am a quintessential oldest child.  I followed all the rules and never deviated or questioned the path I was on. I wasn't a rule follower because I thought I had to be or was afraid to disobey or disappoint.  I truly never secretly wanted to rebel.  I really was just a "good" kid.  I am one of those kids that meets Jesus at a young age and never looks back.  Really.  My faith has directed my actions since I was 4 years old.

So obviously being such a good girl I would desire to meet and marry the good boy.  You know the one.  The boy who also makes the right choices, follows the right path, met Jesus at a young age and never felt compelled to rebel.  Starts bible studies at school, leader in the youth group at church, prays with you on a date.  Only one problem, those boys bored me.

Recently I had lunch with a new friend who gave me the words I never had before.  She talked about being the good girl in the dating world.  Like me she was also the first born, rule following, good girl growing up. She even ended up in seminary she was such a good Christian girl.

What she described of her dating experience was exactly what I could have never expressed before about why I chose to date and marry the rebel.  She said when she would date the good boys they always seemed to be playing a part, doing what was expected, what they thought a seminary student would want them to do and be on a date.  It never felt genuine.

Looking back that is exactly what attracted me to John.  He was so real.  He never tried to be something he wasn't.  And that meant I too got to express myself with more freedom than I ever had with anyone else.  While I was the good girl I didn't want the pressure of  keeping up with that title, I wanted to make mistakes, try new things, express doubts without fear of judgement.

Over the years I have come to realize that while I didn't want to rebel in big ways, I don't always like to follow the rules.  John gave me permission to consider the idea that I didn't have to just accept everything but could ask questions and find answers.  I have become a version of myself that I love, a person I never would have had the courage to become without John.  I needed someone willing to push boundaries but who was content to let me stay safely on the "right" side of all the lines.

Be careful if you are a good girl looking for a rebel.  My rebel was really a good guy that thought outside the box.  He was willing to let me ask questions or express doubts but he never led me astray, never led me to make choices outside of God's will, never asked me to question my faith in totality but simply to understand it more.  He knew the Lord and together we have been on a journey of following Christ.

This past weekend we celebrated 23 years of marriage. Even after all these years, when I wonder what it would have been like if I had married the "good" boy, I get bored.  Our life might be a bit untraditional but it has never been dull.  I have loved every minute of it and wouldn't change it for the world.

1 comment:

  1. THANK YOU MELANIE, THANK YOU JOHN, THANK YOU LORD!!!!!! Mel, as I began reading you blog, I was wondering were you were headed with your comments. I got it!! Your second to the last paragraph is the best. Thanks for sharing your heart and path. TO JOHN.......sorry you have lost your title of REBEL, and gained the role of a SPIRITUAL LEADER!!!!!