Finding my way

During a recent lunch break I did something I haven't done in a while.  I read a magazine and enjoyed it. 

I love magazines.  I love the visual of the pictures.  I love the short informative articles.  I love all the how to articles and the list articles and the essays.  Even the blatant advertisement articles.  Love magazines.  Last January I subscribed to 3 magazines thinking I would enjoy reading each issue sitting in my living room while my daughter was at school or I was laying at the pool this summer.  Then it happened, work.  Magazines came and I didn't even have the energy to peak under the cover. I tossed issues of magazines having only glanced through them. (yes I toss old issues of magazines)  And when I would sit down to relax with my magazines I wasn't finding it enjoyable at all.  I subscribe to homemaker/mom magazines and I was feeling very distanced from that life.  Reading the magazines only widened that gap, reminded me of what I had lost.  It is really a low point when work steals the joy from one of your favorite activities.

But then it happened, I read a magazine and didn't spend the whole time thinking about how I didn't have time to be a homemaker anymore.  I dreamed of making the meals I was reading about, trying new recipes and caring for my family.  And my dream was within the structure of this life I now live rather than only being able to visualize caring for my home and family full time.  I thought about grocery shopping in the evenings, planning menus, cooking ahead.  My husband has taken on most of the dinner prep lately and I greatly enjoy coming home to dinner cooking but I know he would love it if I would just tell him what to make each night and have the food waiting in the fridge.

I also have started thinking about decorating again.  An old lamp in the living room went out recently.  Somehow the need for a new lamp turned into spending an entire weekend rearranging the furniture and creating a re-decoration plan that should keep me and any extra money that comes my way entertained well into the spring.  I find myself ripping out living room pictures and contemplating paint colors as if I am still a part of this home and I care about my surroundings.

It is like I am still my regular self.  I didn't get lost.  I may have changed course a little.  My identity may have been shaken a bit this past year but I am still standing firm, new location, same Melanie.  My passions are still there and were just waiting to welcome me back with open arms.

My bathroom is still holding its arms out waiting.  One of these days maybe I will get excited about cleaning it again too.  It could happen.