I am feeling so good about working these days. I know I just had a rebellious breakdown a little over a week ago but every breakdown seems to be a break through to more contentment and peace about working. I still think about trying to start a business and I still think the work environment is a weird/unnatural social structure to navigate within but I am feeling better about working, trusting my husband to do some of the things I used to do and just relax in my new role.
This week I was thinking about the word "busy". I hate this word. I hate when people give the excuse of "busy" to not do something. I may have blogged about this before because my hate of this word has existed long enough that it may have warranted a post in the past. However, in my new life I have new thoughts on the word so I am re-visiting the thought.
I must admit that I was seriously considering re-thinking my feelings toward the word busy after I started working. I thought I was busy when I was at home but now working I was appreciating the word in a whole new light. NOW I am busy. Or am I?
Now that I am working I have to "do it all" and since that is impossible I really must be busy. When I was at home I had all day long to do whatever I wanted and while my days did fill up quickly with parenting and homemaking I had plenty of time to help out with ministries at church, in Jake's class and with John's business, etc. I kept busy but was I actually busy?
However, I have been releasing so many tasks and emotional distractions from my life now that I practically have nothing to do except work. So am I really that busy right now?
It really is about a readjustment of priorities. My family is my priority. Now that I am working I have to be even more intentional about prioritizing them than when I was at home. And some days that can look like doing nothing, just spending the evening at home watching tv but being present. Right now in my "release" stage of life we are all getting used to my being home less and them doing more around the house. But as this schedule becomes our new normal I am starting to see where I might have a little time for something else in my life. Not today but definitely in my near future.
So am I really more busy now that I am working? Well, yes and no. I don't have nearly as much time in which to accomplish things but that is not to say I have no free time. I am still have my evenings and weekends almost completely free.
I think people use the excuse of "busy" when what they really mean is "I am not willing to prioritize this into my life". Busy to me is the word you use when you aren't organized or in control of your schedule and you are overwhelmed by life. Yes or No is what you say when you understand your priorities, what your schedule looks like and how the requested time commitment will affect that schedule.
So right now I am intentionally in a phase of life where I am saying No. I am spending my time learning how to fit work into my life while still prioritizing my family and re-defining all our roles in caring for our home and each other. It is coming together, we are all falling into our new roles and learning to be aware of places we can help. Some of us are learning this skill better than others (Jake? Isabelle? You out there? Can you give us a hand?) but overall it is coming together nicely.
So as I sit at my desk thinking of the business I would rather be running, the ministry I want to lead or the school field trip I would like to go on I can see the light at the end of this transitional tunnel we are in and know that eventually I will be able to work the word Yes back into my vocabulary.
For now I will continue to say "No" rather than "I'm too busy" because everyone is busy, I am just controlling how I spend my time.