Yes. I am still working. Can you tell by my lack of posts? My mind was so full of inspiration 6 months ago. I was wise and deep and growing and learning. Now my mind just gets through the surface thoughts and survives. It is all I can do to keep up with the necessities of the day to day of life let alone attempt any new thoughts or tasks.
Which brings me to the main thought I have in my free time: How to organize my life so I have more free time.
Basically I have come to the conclusion that I cannot leave my entire life on hold until the weekend because that just makes the weekend no fun and then I can't wait to get back to my nice neat organized desk at work where I know what to do and how to do it and at the end of the day I feel like I accomplished something because at home I never feel like I get on top of anything but just keep bailing. This is not working for me. I don't want a life where work seems more appealing that being at home.
I have determined to step away from all responsibilities and say NO to all proposed responsibilities that come into my life this year. I literally had a pencil in my hand at Isabelle's school open house while standing over some sign up sheets and having an argument in my head about why I should or should not write my name down. Oh how I desperately wanted to help with the monthly art masterpiece program or at least sign up to help the kids off the bus on the first day of school. But NO! I put the pencil down and walked away.
I did not go to a long term planning meeting at church this weekend but I am sure the church and women's ministry specifically will continue on without me. I hope. Yes I believe. I think I do. I am pretty sure God will call someone else to step up. Probably. Either way, I am not planning anything this year!
I am stepping away from outside responsibilities in my life.
But I still need to clean my house, do the laundry, keep up our checkbook, buy groceries, make meals, snuggle with Isabelle, listen to Jake and spend time with my husband. And while I can and am sharing some of those responsibilities, the truth is I love doing them and don't want to delegate them completely away.
So this week I picked up 3 books at the library on time management. Like home organization, time management basically is a one trick pony wrapped in different packages. Or more clearly, they all say the same thing. You need to consider the various areas of your life and be present in each of them. One at a time. Don't just react to what comes your way but sit down, look at your responsibilities and decide when you will do each task. Etc, etc. I summarized them for John over dinner on date night. He is also struggling with managing all the tasks before him.
But we march forward.
I have decided that I need to nightly update the checkbook so I am not stressed at the end of the week wondering if we still have money. I am ordering groceries online each week, just the basics but enough so we always have something to eat. We have discovered if there is food in the house we don't eat out even if I haven't planned a specific meal. Interesting. We have talked to Jake about adding some activities in his life so he isn't spending all day hanging out at home which causes me mental stress. And I continue to remind myself to prioritize exercise and good food choices which so significantly improves my health, energy levels and mental state. And I ordered some new shoes online which if they fit may revolutionize my life.
I am still working on how to make the bathrooms and floors magically clean themselves. And I have no idea when I am going to buy fall clothes as the season changes or how I am going to Christmas shop. But I am seeing tiny lights at the end of the tunnel and believe that before long my weekends will belong to me and I will be thrilled to spend them with family, friends or doing other social activities without any concerns about the tasks that await me at home.
Until then I give myself grace.