Sibling Rivalry

I must confess that I never really thought I would have anything to say about sibling rivalry.  At least not where my own children are concerned. (Now my own siblings is another story...)

Folly and Crisis are almost 11 years apart.  I didn't expect they would ever be fighting over the same toy or both wanting to sit on my lap together.   Being of the opposite sex I didn't think I would ever hear my son complain that I let Isabelle get her ears pierced younger than him or how unfair that she had more dolls to play with than he did.

Crossing those off the list I figured I was good.  And to this point it has been good.  But suddenly something has happened.  Isabelle isn't a baby anymore.  She isn't a little toddler wandering around the house who doesn't understand the world around her and can be easily re-directed elsewhere when she gets in your way.

And so here I sat this weekend listening to my children bicker in the basement.  My 16 year old son and my 5 year old daughter fighting back and forth about how loud the tv was and touching his stuff like they were both 5 year olds.  Isabelle yelling that she is not short, don't call her short and Jake egging her on telling her that she is in fact short.  I sat upstairs listening and laughing and half expected to hear one of them come running up the stairs to tattle.  And I don't mean the little one.

While over all I still think I am off the hook on the whole sibling fighting issues it is fun to know some things are the same no matter the age.

Pumpkin Carving

Every year we all have holiday traditions we enjoy not only within our families but as a society on the whole.  We eat turkey for Thanksgiving, hide baskets from the Easter bunny, set off fireworks on the 4th of July and we carve pumpkins for Halloween.  We take for granted that everyone has done it and grew up doing it.

Then you make new friends.  Our friends Sam and Mwende didn't grow up in this country.  They didn't eat a Turkey, find baskets from the Easter bunny or carve pumpkins on Halloween.  And after 20 years in this country Sam still had never had a pumpkin carving tutorial from anyone.

Well being their son, Leumas', godparents they have stated that one of our roles is to help them give him an American childhood.  But I have to say that experiencing these things with Sam and Mwende for the first time is as much fun as experiencing them with a child.

John shared his pumpkin carving knowledge with him.

Mwende and I got our hands dirty sorting the seeds for roasting.

Little Leumas had fun watching daddy.  (isn't that what it is all about?)

Isabelle felt the face couldn't not be made without her creative input.

Sam planning his master piece.

A successful first Halloween pumpkin.

Survival

I AM ALIVE! 

After many years at home I have to say that jumping into 40 hours of classes for my new job was a bit overwhelming.  I anticipated I might be tired from being gone all day but I didn't anticipate the mental anguish of having to absorb so much information in such a short period of time and knowing I would be tested on it.  All those parts of my brain used for school have been collecting cobwebs for years.  I had to go home and do some serious spring cleaning of the brain to fit in all this new information.  Tuesday afternoon right before lunch I almost started crying right there in the second row but I didn't think that would be very professional so I held it in and felt much better after a little lunch.  By the third day we were mostly building on the previous days and the level of new information was going down.  I was able to start organizing this information in my head so I could actually recall some of it when necessary.

Not only was I gone all day but I had to study the material in the evenings.  I sat near 2 women who lived out of town and were staying at the hotel next door for the week.  I felt a little like I might have been better off doing that as mentally I really don't think I was home most of the week.

In the mean time my pre-planning went wonderfully.  Dinner was planned and quickly made all week long.  Even the nights I made it the prep time was only a couple minutes to put it in the oven.  Love the frozen meals.  And since nobody was home all day the house stayed clean.  Plus all our clothes were clean on Monday morning so we all had plenty of clean underwear for the week.  And each day someone was there to pick Isabelle up as she got off the bus and give her a fun filled afternoon.

My husband was wonderful and kept the kitchen clean and got Isabelle on the bus each morning.  He even did a couple loads of laundry.  He has also begged me never to do that to him again.  It is nice to be appreciated.  And the good news is that this is the hardest week.  It won't be like this again.  My job will be less than half those hours giving me plenty of time to keep up with the laundry, make dinner, help Isabelle with homework and in general take care of my wonderful family.

We will be a team.  They have showed me they can help and are willing to be supportive of me as I begin this new phase of my life.

One thing that I contemplated was the idea of re-defining my role if I went back to work.  I am the homemaker, the mom, the wife.  I do all the cleaning, laundry, schedule management, school activities organizer, shopping, meal planning and almost all the cooking among other things.  When I go back to work I am going to need a little help with some of that stuff.

I love being at home.  I would not have spent all these years sacrificing if I did not believe that my being at home was best for my children and my family.  I never saw myself as simply doing daycare for my own children or as a cleaning lady but as someone who was creating a home.  Truly a "homemaker".  I actually love that term even though I know it gets bad press for being old fashioned.

Where do I turn to help re-define my existence?  The bible of course.  There I see lots of women who are working along with their husbands to provide for their families.  The classic example is the Proverbs 31 woman who,"considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard."  Priscilla and Aquila worked together as tent makers and Lydia sold purple cloth.

I am feeling excited to work along side my husband to provide for the family but without the burden of responsibility to provide, that will remain his.  And while he and my children will help out with household chores the responsibility of our home will continue to be mine.  We may redistribute the weight but we will continue to live in our usual roles.  The adjustment will be slow I am sure but we will get there.  And it will be wonderful.

Today I took that test and passed it.  Hurray!  The dust and cobwebs of my brain can now settle back down in their place.

Teen Speak

I have made a few observations as I have been in the pre-teen and now teen world for a few years.  Here is my teen parent observation of the week:

When your teenager says something so ridiculous or incredibly stupid that you don't know how to respond appropriately take a breath, step back and think about this:  They have no idea what they are talking about.  However, for some reason they have decided to state what should be a question as a fact.  For instance, "You don't do the laundry right."  Should in fact be worded, "why do you sometimes mix my clothes up with dad's?" (or in Jake's case, "Can I do the whole families laundry for a week?")   "I don't need to study for that test."  Should actually be, "Could you help me understand how much more complicated this test is going to be than I realize?"

For whatever reason their brain, while still developing, has decided it knows everything and stops asking questions.  And then for some reason as parents we over react as if they actually should know everything.  So whenever Jake says something stupid to me I simply try to figure out what the actual question is.  What does he not understand which is causing him to draw this faulty conclusion.  He simply doesn't have enough information to even understand the question he is supposed to ask.

It sort of reminds me of the end of the second Matrix movie where Neo is talking to the Architect and after explaining that the world is in fact not what he thinks it is he says something like, "while your first question may seem the most pertinent what you don't realize is that it is also the most irrelevant."  That is how I feel about what many teens say. 

I see my role as a parent to fill in those holes.  Answer those unspoken questions and help him better understand what is happening to him and in the world around him.

Several years ago I heard about a training that was given to new senators and congress people on how to deal with the media.  They were told that if they didn't like the question that was asked of them they should simply answer the one they wished the person had asked.  (You will be amazed at how often you notice this now.)  While I don't know how great of political advice it is, I think this is great parenting advice.

So what crazy things have your teenagers said and what do you think the real question is?

Ready, Set, Go

Isabelle and John are playing the Wii

The laundry is just about done and ready to put away

Jake and Jade are finishing their homework

The kitchen is clean and ready for the week

My study materials are in my bag ready for tomorrow.

And I have written a blog post to keep you company next week.  So with everything ready to launch me into a 40 hour work week I think it is time to relax in front of the TV.

Two Years

Today is the 2 year anniversary of this blog.  I love anniversaries.  I love the marking of time that they signify.  I love the history of life that is represented in an anniversary.

With our wedding anniversary we can talk about all that has happened over the 20 years.  How we have changed and grown. The good and the bad of life and how we are thankful for it all.  This morning I was remembering a house John and I looked at 10 years ago.  We both liked it but just weren't sure it was the right time to move.  We wondered this morning how our life might have been different if we had moved then as opposed to 2 years later when we moved here.  You can't know.  But likely we would have missed some of the amazing experiences we have had because of the path we did take.  And I wouldn't change any of those.  I love our history.

This is my blog anniversary.  Marking 2 years of writing out all the bizarre, pointless and occasional insightful thoughts I have had. 

There has been some redundancy, like seeing Jake go to homecoming twice but with different girls, but that is part of the flow of life.  We do the same things, we create traditions and habits which give us comfort as we traverse the path of life. 

There have been new experiences, like my chronically of our trip to Kenya.  Into each persons life come new, life changing experiences which affect how we view the world and every decision we make from that point forward.  Kenya was definitely that for us.

I have shared thoughts on what God is telling me. As I sit with the Lord throughout my day I have enjoyed sharing the little insights I discover along the way.  They may not always be the most articulate or theologically accurate but I share from my heart.

And there have been posts of our day to day life.  The thing that happens between significant moments in life.  The part of our lives which seem insignificant but in reality make up the most significant portion of our lives.  It is in that day to day that life happens, relationships are strengthened, skills are learned, friendships formed and God works.

As I look back over the 2 years of blogging I wonder what I have learned.  How have I changed because of blogging?  I know I have grown a lot in the last 2 years but what specifically to credit blogging with? 

I think it has given me much more confidence to express myself.  Not just secretly here in my office where I send my random thoughts out into blog world but also in person I am becoming more confident and articulate.  I certainly wouldn't have had the nerve to share at our women's retreat before blogging.  And although I have really always written things out when I had a problem I couldn't quite solve this has given me a much bigger platform for that and I find sometimes I figure things out in the midst of blogging about them.  Sometimes I will even start a post to address a frustration I have and by the time I am done I have figured it out and simply delete the post.  Clearly this is how my brain works.

It is fun to look back on an anniversary but I also love to look ahead.  To dream of what the future holds and all the new experiences that will come with it.

So what is the future of this blog?  I know that in this past year I have finally verbalized a dream to do writing beyond this blog.  I would love to get published in a magazine.  And maybe one day write a book.  Or start another blog or web site devoted to one specific subject, like contentment.  Lately I find myself feeling passionate about that subject which touches so many areas of life.  But none of that affects this blog.   What about this blog?

Well I have made a few changes already.  A fresh new look to start off the beginning of the 3rd year of blogging.  I added a box with ads just in case something sparks your interest.  Should be interesting to see what that turns into.  And I continue to work out in my head the rest.  I would love to create theme days.  One I think I will be starting shortly is to join a weekly blog thing over at Holy Experience where she posts about being thankful.  I know that is something I really want to cultivate more in my life.  I love her blog and would like to be her blog when I grow up but then I realize that I am not her and to write her blog would be to pretend to be something I am not so I will just read and love her blog while simultaneously creating the much less serene experience in blogging over here and just being me.  Beyond that I don't know.  But I will try to continue to be witty, insightful, bizarre, pointless and fun.

It was suggested that I do a give away for my blog anniversary.  A wonderful idea that I fully intended to do but then I forgot.  And people don't generally give me things to give away and we are sort of broke right now so...

But that doesn't mean I wouldn't love to hear from you on my anniversary.  So leave a comment and if you don't already follow my blog go ahead and become one of my followers.

I don't think I have posted enough pictures lately so here is a little glimpse at my desk where all the brilliance is created:

It is my real desk.  A mess.  I do clean it up fairly regularly but as you can see it is small and it doesn't take much to mess it up. 

Next week I begin training for my new job which launches me into my new life.  While the job will only be about 18 hours a week, next week I will be doing 40 hours of classes to get licensed.  So as I start a whole new life and new schedule this 3rd year will start out all new.  New things to talk about, finding new times to write about them.  Should be fun.

Putting out a fleece

On my mind lately has been the story of Gideon from the bible.  Remember when God told him He would save Israel but Gideon wasn't totally sure he believed so he put out a fleece one night and asked God to make it wet but the ground dry if he heard right.  So God did that but he still wasn't sure so he put it back and asked God to make it dry and the ground wet this time.  And God did that.  And then apparently Gideon believed God because he proceeded to march out with much faith and obeyed every crazy instruction God gave him after that and defeated the Midianites.

So why is this on my mind?  I have been thinking of it as I have asked God impossible things and seen him answer.

I am currently thinking of my new job.  As I have indicated in past posts, money is a little tight around here.  It isn't really anything particularly new, we have been in tight financial spots before, but this time I started feeling like it might be time for me to get a job.  Or what I like to call a J-O-B.  I had one self employed friend who referred to it as a "job-job".  Not just a job where you work but a job where you are employed.  Having spent over 10 years primarily supporting ourselves through our business I can tell you there is a difference.

However, with Isabelle only in 1/2 day kindergarten and me having not worked seriously outside the home for most of the last 16 years not to mention the poor economy, I wasn't exactly marketable.  Can I also mention I have no college degree and am 16 years behind on office technology and current software.  My last job used a DOS based word processor.  My resume wasn't going to overwhelm anyone.  I am fantastic and brilliant but you have to know me, I come across a little dumb on paper.

None-the-less I really started feeling a strong sense that I should seek a job.  I finally told God that I was willing to work but the job would have to fall in my lap if this was the year because I wasn't going to pound the pavement until Isabelle was in 1st grade.

I put out my fleece.

God made it wet.

I noticed my insurance agent took several days to return a phone call because it turned out he was sick.  In a follow up email to him I asked him if he was looking for an assistant because I was thinking about getting a part time job.  A brief phone call later I was filling out an application, getting approved by the parent insurance company and had a job that met all the criteria I could hope for with hours, flexibility and pay.  I never even went in for an interview.

After that initial phone call I asked God to put up a big, tall brick wall if I wasn't supposed to take this job.

I put out the fleece again.

God left it dry.  No wall, just a clear, smooth road.

I remember when I first heard God tell me it was time for that second baby I had given up hope for.  I had moved on and was perfectly happy with my one and only child and was trying very hard to ignore him.  After a few weeks of God harassing me I finally told him that even if I was willing to consider it there was no way I was bringing it up with my equally happy to have an only child husband.  So, I told God, go harass him!  Wouldn't you know that is exactly what he did and here we are years later with that baby God was preparing us for now in Kindergarten.  Thank you Lord for your harassment.

Based on the commentary of my bible and the commentary of my bible commentary book I am not sure this is the exact application of this scripture.  There seems to be a criticism of Gideon for asking God to prove himself.  Yet right or wrong it seems to me that God honors our human nature of doubt and fear when our motives are bound in faith.  Gideon wasn't asking God to perform tricks.  He wasn't trying to figure out how much he could manipulate God.  He truly was seeking to know and believe.  Yes it would be better if he simply had pure faith and believed right away but that isn't real.  Our human nature fears and doubts.  While it might not be an example of perfect faith God did choose to honor Gideon's request not once but twice.  And in doing so Gideon became so convinced of God's promise to save Israel that he willingly sent almost his entire army home at God's command and despite insurmountable odds went confidently to battle against a much larger army and won.

So right or wrong on Gideon's part I think the bottom line is that God knows our faith can be weak at times.  We can doubt and be afraid.  And he wants to comfort and reassure us.

Not like when my daughter stands in defiance of me and then cries because I hurt her feelings when I got mad and wants me to comfort her.  That is not the kind of thing we are talking about here.  This is more like when my daughter is afraid of dogs yet I know my friends dog won't hurt her.  I am willing to walk her by the dog, pick her up or go pet the dog myself to prove to her that what I am telling her is true.  The dog is safe.  I would love it if she would just trust me on that but I know her fear comes not from doubt of me but doubt of the dog.  So I prove to her.  Once the truth is seen she usually plays just fine around the dog.  I even heard recently that she dared to pet the dog.  Stepping out in faith.

You can read about Gideon and the fleece in Judges 6:36-40.  But then you should probably keep reading to see how strong his faith became as he went to battle for the Lord.