December is Here!

I think I have said before but it is worth repeating, the low points in my life are the beginning of the up swing.  So I started getting sucked into the black hole last week.  I had been releasing for the past 6 months and I think I just released a little too far.  Into nothingness.  But I don't do lay on the couch doing nothing very well it turns out so one or two nights like that was enough for me to realize it was time to re-assess.

And what better time to re-assess your life and where it is going than in December?!  This is my planning month.  Isn't that what I have told you in the past?  Because I love new years resolutions!  Actually I usually like to plan in August but I was still releasing back then and nothing really came together.  But now, during the busiest month of the year, God has released me from releasing and it is time to start figuring out what my life is going to look like for the next few years.

I have a few ideas but nothing I am ready to share.  Instead let's take a few minutes to reflect on what I have learned so far:

I still love Mondays!  Today is Monday.  And it is a fresh start to life every 7 days.  Even if I am at a J-O-B (what I call paid employment) as opposed to the work I did at home or actually paid work from home.

If I am going to get anything done I need to put boundaries around my time.  When am I going to accomplish tasks?  Spend time with the family?  clean, shop?  Relax?

This is hard but hard is good.  It makes me stronger.

I realized that the plan before us takes vision.  And I found my new favorite quote, "Most people over-estimate what they can accomplish in a year and under-estimate what they can do in 10 years."

It isn't worth rebelling against God.  My last breakdown was a rebellious fit against what I wanted vs what God was doing in my life.  Learning to trust, listen and wait for His timing.

And recently I wrote on my new "home to work" blog about how we never stop transitioning.  While the past 6  months of our life may have held more transition than the average day the fact is that we will forever be transitioning and life is full of changes.  And learning to manage as we go through those transitions is the real trick.

I have also been blessed by encouraging friends and family, kind co-workers, and this great outlet to express myself these past 6 months. 

Now that I am leaving the "release" stage of this life change I am excited by what is ahead of me.  It is going to be a great month of planning.

Fall Plans

I like to look ahead. I like to plan. I like to set goals.

Normally August is my planning month for the fall. I think in some unconscious way knowing that I would not have my planning month this year was part of my pre-trip panic attack. Yet I knew it would be futile to plan ahead. I didn't know how God would speak to me on the trip and where he would lead me when we got home. Something that was evident on the trip. I had decided to keep my little 7 hour a week job and told my boss to put me on the fall schedule before we left. Yet within days of being in Africa I knew I should quit the job which is exactly what I did when we got home.

As we have been home and have been processing our experience and wondering what is next for us I have had an unusual experience. I am blank. I have no idea what to do next. Yet I feel so peaceful about it. I have no fall plans. Isabelle isn't going to pre-school. I am not working. I am not in charge of any ministries at church. I am free to simply get up each morning, focus on my family, spend time during the day with Isabelle and be a homemaker.

You don't realize how busy your life can become until you come to a point where all your activities are gone. I did sign up this fall for a morning bible study with a friend. I have done many morning bible studies over the years but as I thought back I realized it has been 6 or 7 years since I have done one. One day I was a homemaker with my son in school all day and plenty of time to be active in bible studies and ministries while still having time for myself, my home and family. The next day I am driving my son 30 minute across town for school 3 days a week and supervising his online education the other 2, managing a commercial rental property, selling a commercial rental property, adopting a newborn baby, helping start a new church, heading up a women's ministry, leading the vestry, helping my husband run a business, close a business and then re-open a business with a new focus, getting a job, saving money for Africa and flying across the world. Someone stop the ride I want to get off!

While I have loved every single thing I have done over the last several years I am so excited for a fall of doing nothing. A fall to spend with my family encouraging their growth, teaching Isabelle, feeding and nurturing them. A fall to spend in my home working on long ignored projects, cleaning lost closets. A fall to spend with friends and extended family drinking lots of coffee, visiting lots of parks, sharing meals and stories and laughter and love. A fall to just stop and listen to God. To learn and grow as he prepares me for whatever is next in my life.

I would love to know what is next, I want to write it in my notebook, think about how I will make it work in my life, put it on the calendar, set goals around it. But that is not what God has for me right now. Sure I have ideas of what I might do next. Some dreams I have had for years, some new ideas, some that are so big they scare me. Maybe one of those ideas will be where God leads me next or maybe there is something entirely new in my future. For now I am looking forward to a fall of renewal and grateful for the opportunity I have to spend it caring for the people I love.