On Mother's day after telling my family the plan for John to go back to school in the fall I casually say something to my brother like "hey are there any full time secretary openings at your work?" It turns out they need a new receptionist so I sent him my resume the next day, Monday, had a phone interview on Tuesday, went in on Thursday, had a second interview on Tuesday and was offered a full time job last Thursday. Less than 2 weeks after sending my brother my resume I am employed full time! Talk about moving too fast. Am I ready for this? Is my family? We just decided to send John to school full time 3 weeks ago!
At first I was excited. I put a little check mark in the "get a full time job" box on the "things to do before John starts school in the fall" list. I thought about what new clothes I will need and spent some time working up a preliminary plan for Isabelle this summer. Then as John and I were talking that night it all hit me. I am going back to work FULL TIME! I started crying.
I am not afraid to leave my home. I am not worried about how the laundry will get done or dinner will get made. I will miss my spontaneous morning coffee times with girlfriends but I will adjust. I cried for my daughter. I will not be there for every need she has, to take her places and experience new things. I will not be the one and only primary care giver in her life. I will not be the only big influence in her life. And when we are together we will both be tired. I will miss that awesome time right after school when Jake was so willing to tell me everything he knew. Will Isabelle tell me everything she knows before dinner instead or will she be too busy with something else? Or will I? Who will influence her?
I was also praying last week about John's future job situation. Once it became clear I was going to get my work figured out I wanted his work figured out too. My goal here is not to become the primary provider of our family. If I am working he should be working. Right!? Yet as I was praying about it God really changed my heart. He showed me how John's more flexible work schedule will allow Isabelle to still be with the family this summer. To be there for her where I can't be. John will still have to work and she will still need to be in some summer camps and other activities but she will not be tossed out into the world to fend for herself, she still have us as her home base and will not be alone.
So the big question is, can I trust my husband to take on my role? I mean, yes I can, but will I? Will I trust him and embrace this new arrangement in our family or will I fight against it and be frustrated?
One of my girlfriends sent me another quote by John D. Rockefeller, "If you want to succeed you should strike out on new paths, rather than travel the worn paths of accepted success." That is what we are doing. We are striking out on a new path. It is new in every area of our life. Not just in John's work but in mine as well. New for Isabelle, new for Jake.
Let's face it, at the core of my anxiety about going back to work and leaving Isabelle is FEAR. I mean if I am honest I am afraid even when I am at home with Isabelle that I will fail her in some way. That she will turn from God, that she will make poor choices. But at least I am at home, in charge and under the delusion that I have some level of influence and control over her at this point. Then I remember God already gave me a scripture for fear in Don's cancer. Isaiah 43:1 "But now, this is what the LORD says—he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine."
So I remind myself what I always try to remind myself when I am fearful while raising my children; God loves them more than I do. And if God is leading us to strike out on a new path, which it seems very clear to us he is, then I have nothing to worry about. He will provide for my children exactly what they need. He will provide me with that special after school connection somewhere else. He will grow and mature Isabelle, call her to Himself and soothe her fears as He is soothing mine. None of us will be alone.
I am not sure that answers the question of whether or not I trust my husband to take over care of my family but I do trust God and so does John so I guess it will be OK.
I start next week! I hope I can find a few minutes each week to keep up with my blog as well. My priorities are family and then blog. Sometimes I admit I reverse those. Is that wrong?
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Monday, May 23, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Changes
It's never too late - in fiction or in life - to revise.~Nancy Thayer~
As is often quoted the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. I think in our home we have reached the end of our insanity. For the past several years we have pretty much been sitting around doing the same thing and waiting for things to look up. Waiting for the economy to improve, for clients to call. Waiting for stability in our career and financial life. On the one hand we have done many new things in an effort to achieve our goals but on the other hand we have been trying to do it within the same structure.
Life is always at some turning point.~Irwin Edman
For the past couple months we have been discussing how we can once again rearrange the pieces of our life in hopes of creating the stability we are in search of. Many ideas, all with merit, have been bantered around. All would affect the structure of our life as it sits today but it was unclear if any of them would really bring us what we really needed.
Readjusting is a painful process, but most of us need it at one time or another.~Arthur Christopher Benson~
Finally after much discussion and prayer it has become clear that no matter what path John's career takes it will require some education. Early in our marriage John was in trade-school full time and I worked full time. We lived in a little 1 bedroom apartment, shared 1 car, had no children, little expenses and no expectations for our lives. We went from being broke and having nothing to being more broke and still having nothing, yet with a possible future. Today we have a mortgage, 2 kids, 5 vehicles, many expenses and lots of expectations for our lives. Yet in some ways we are in the same place, preparing to sacrifice for the possibility of a future we can no longer see on our current path.
If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies. ~Author Unknown
So with lots of unknowns and details still to be worked out we are looking forward to some very big changes at our house. Because John opted for the diploma track rather than the associate degree track while in trade school (a decision we have only regretted about a million times in the past 17 years) he is basically starting from square one. We briefly talked about him pursuing some additional training that would augment his trade schooling giving him more options within his current field but we feel strongly that it is time for us to leave the building industry all together. And while he could possibly get some training to transfer his existing knowledge into another industry we are feeling a calling to something altogether different.
Change always comes bearing gifts. ~Price Pritchett
About 14 years ago on something of a whim John applied for a paid-on-call position with our local fire department. The only little boy in the world who did not dream of being a fire fighter when he grew up fell in love with firefighting. But what we learned is that in today's world fire fighters spend more time on medical calls than they do actually fighting a blaze. So he was certified first responder initially and then went on to become an EMT. With this training he has had opportunities to work as the medical person for various sporting events and actually gets excited when someone gets hurt. He loves helping people and has loved the medical training he has gotten. And why shouldn't he? His sister is an RN and his parents are both EMT equivalents and taught at the local community college many of the emergency responders around the twin cities. It is in his blood.
They must often change, who would be constant in happiness or wisdom. ~Confucius
So as of this moment the plan is for him to pursue a medical degree. As we get to know the industry and get a feel for what John is most passionate about the specifics are sure to come into view but for now the intention is for him to become a Physician's Assistant.
We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance. ~Harrison Ford
At 40 years old this seems like a daunting task. We did decide we were too old for him to become a doctor but feel like we can commit 6 years of our lives getting into position to work for another 20+ years. As we talked about how hard it is going to be, full time school with likely both of us full time working, I looked back on our life this past year. He was out plowing all night long only to head to whatever job he had that week with only a couple hours of sleep. Isn't that hard? And that schedule isn't getting us anywhere. This can't be harder than that and it will be getting us somewhere.
Our only security is our ability to change. ~John Lilly
Anyone who knows us knows that we have lots of good ideas. We get excited about them, talk a lot about them, do a little research on them and then move on to the next good idea. We are a wealth of good ideas that never were. "Let's open a green hardware store!" "We should raise Chickens in our backyard!" But we also follow through on some of our ideas. We did go to Africa, we did start a construction business and a plow business, we did adopt a child, we did buy rental property, we did send John to school the first time. Those all started out as crazy, life changing ideas too. So while I don't have all the details worked out quite yet on how this life changing idea will play out I am excited to see how God continues to lead us.
There's nothing permanent with us except God & His Love & the Family!--Nothing has to be permanent except the Lord!--Only He changes not. (Mal.3:6.)
"Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." Romans 12:2 (NLT)
As is often quoted the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. I think in our home we have reached the end of our insanity. For the past several years we have pretty much been sitting around doing the same thing and waiting for things to look up. Waiting for the economy to improve, for clients to call. Waiting for stability in our career and financial life. On the one hand we have done many new things in an effort to achieve our goals but on the other hand we have been trying to do it within the same structure.
Life is always at some turning point.~Irwin Edman
For the past couple months we have been discussing how we can once again rearrange the pieces of our life in hopes of creating the stability we are in search of. Many ideas, all with merit, have been bantered around. All would affect the structure of our life as it sits today but it was unclear if any of them would really bring us what we really needed.
Readjusting is a painful process, but most of us need it at one time or another.~Arthur Christopher Benson~
Finally after much discussion and prayer it has become clear that no matter what path John's career takes it will require some education. Early in our marriage John was in trade-school full time and I worked full time. We lived in a little 1 bedroom apartment, shared 1 car, had no children, little expenses and no expectations for our lives. We went from being broke and having nothing to being more broke and still having nothing, yet with a possible future. Today we have a mortgage, 2 kids, 5 vehicles, many expenses and lots of expectations for our lives. Yet in some ways we are in the same place, preparing to sacrifice for the possibility of a future we can no longer see on our current path.
If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies. ~Author Unknown
So with lots of unknowns and details still to be worked out we are looking forward to some very big changes at our house. Because John opted for the diploma track rather than the associate degree track while in trade school (a decision we have only regretted about a million times in the past 17 years) he is basically starting from square one. We briefly talked about him pursuing some additional training that would augment his trade schooling giving him more options within his current field but we feel strongly that it is time for us to leave the building industry all together. And while he could possibly get some training to transfer his existing knowledge into another industry we are feeling a calling to something altogether different.
Change always comes bearing gifts. ~Price Pritchett
About 14 years ago on something of a whim John applied for a paid-on-call position with our local fire department. The only little boy in the world who did not dream of being a fire fighter when he grew up fell in love with firefighting. But what we learned is that in today's world fire fighters spend more time on medical calls than they do actually fighting a blaze. So he was certified first responder initially and then went on to become an EMT. With this training he has had opportunities to work as the medical person for various sporting events and actually gets excited when someone gets hurt. He loves helping people and has loved the medical training he has gotten. And why shouldn't he? His sister is an RN and his parents are both EMT equivalents and taught at the local community college many of the emergency responders around the twin cities. It is in his blood.
They must often change, who would be constant in happiness or wisdom. ~Confucius
So as of this moment the plan is for him to pursue a medical degree. As we get to know the industry and get a feel for what John is most passionate about the specifics are sure to come into view but for now the intention is for him to become a Physician's Assistant.
We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance. ~Harrison Ford
At 40 years old this seems like a daunting task. We did decide we were too old for him to become a doctor but feel like we can commit 6 years of our lives getting into position to work for another 20+ years. As we talked about how hard it is going to be, full time school with likely both of us full time working, I looked back on our life this past year. He was out plowing all night long only to head to whatever job he had that week with only a couple hours of sleep. Isn't that hard? And that schedule isn't getting us anywhere. This can't be harder than that and it will be getting us somewhere.
Our only security is our ability to change. ~John Lilly
Anyone who knows us knows that we have lots of good ideas. We get excited about them, talk a lot about them, do a little research on them and then move on to the next good idea. We are a wealth of good ideas that never were. "Let's open a green hardware store!" "We should raise Chickens in our backyard!" But we also follow through on some of our ideas. We did go to Africa, we did start a construction business and a plow business, we did adopt a child, we did buy rental property, we did send John to school the first time. Those all started out as crazy, life changing ideas too. So while I don't have all the details worked out quite yet on how this life changing idea will play out I am excited to see how God continues to lead us.
There's nothing permanent with us except God & His Love & the Family!--Nothing has to be permanent except the Lord!--Only He changes not. (Mal.3:6.)
"Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." Romans 12:2 (NLT)
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