Standing in the way

This past week on date night John and I got to talking about our kids.  I started sharing some concerns I had about Isabelle and her emotional health.  No particular problem but I have come to see a pattern of negative emotional behavior in one area that I feel is standing between her and God.  I shared with John that I felt like it was our job to stand in Satan's way on this issue.  I see it as the area he feels he can get a foot hold in her life and keep her from developing an intimate relationship with Christ.  So we stand ready to tell her the truth while praying earnestly for her protection. 

Then by total coincidence we started talking about Jake and immediately we realized we were talking about the issue in his life where Satan is trying to enter.  Again, we stand prepared to block his entrance as we are diligent and pray for Jake's protection.

It is interesting how they are such different children and Satan has identified in each of them the weakness he wants to exploit. 

Keep in mind as I write this that both my kids are good kids.  Jake has a solid faith that I do not fear being shaken as he leave for college next year.  Isabelle's faith is still developing but I am confident will grow as she does.  Neither of them is in a rebelion, I am not afraid of loosing either of them to a secular world.  But I want more for them.

Sometimes it seems like the goal with our kids is to get them to know Christ, say "the prayer", go to church, be "good" and we will see them in heaven.  Check mark.  Done. Good. Next.  But as I have raised my kids I want so much more for their life on this earth than to simply be "good Christians".  What is so good about a good Christian kid anyway?  Some days I feel like that is Satan's biggest foothold in our lives, good lives.  Christ wasn't a "good Christian".  He never did what was expected, he did what he was called to do instead.

He was tempted, oh so tempted, to simply become a good christian.  Live a simple life at the top of the Jewish circles, touring the middle east teaching in various temples and healing people.  He was a Jewish circle rock star with people constantly vying for his attention, a touch or acknowledgement from Jesus!  Can you imagine?  But he wasn't here for that.  God did not call him to be a good Rabbi, didn't call him to live a safe life.  He called him to so much more.

In the desert Christ was tempted by Satan.  He thought he saw an entrance and he tried to push his way in.  He thought Christ wanted that good, safe life.  Satan tempted him to use his power to turn stones into bread for food after fasting 40 days rather than trusting God for his nourishment.  Satan tempted Jesus to test God, to risk his life in hopes that God would save him.  And finally he offered the entire kingdom to Jesus if he would only bow down to Satan, to turn from the path God had him on.  Oh how often do I fail in each of these temptations trying to use my own power to do what God wants to do for me, testing Him and bowing to Satan as I pursue my own desires rather than the plans God has for my life.  But Christ did not fail.  He saw through Satan's deceptive temptations, knew he was trying to keep him from accomplishing his purpose and sent him away.

Christ also saw that sometime the people around us can be used by Satan.  One of my favorite lines from the bible is when Peter rebukes him (can you imagine rebuking Jesus?) and tells him he shouldn't say he is going to suffer and die.  "Jesus turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan!  You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men."  (Matt 16:22)  (Actually I once said that to my sister although I forget why now.)

Someday my children will be ready to send Satan away on their own, to see Satan coming and to say, "get behind me Satan!" when well meaning friends and family try to stop them from doing the work God has for them.  Until then I will be standing in the gap.  Quietly praying at times and wildly waving my arms, shouting and pointing Satan out at other times but always desiring to see them seek God with all their hearts, know Him and His plan for their lives and not be afraid to send Satan away and Follow Christ's example.

We can still be friends

I had a revelation the other day.  I was my son's first girlfriend and he has totally broken up with me!  Now he wants to be "just friends" and I am having a hard time transitioning into my new role. 

I shared this creepy tidbit with my husband who is fresh out of Psychology 101 and he affirmed my thought telling me this is exactly what Freud was talking about.  Not in the inappropriate Oedipus way but there is a special mother/son bond.

When you think about it I was the first girl in his life.  He shared his thoughts and feelings with me, I listened to him, encouraged him, loved him.  I taught him how to treat a woman with respect, how to open doors for me, cradle my arm in the crook of his elbow and help me on with my coat.

I thought we were getting along just fine.  I never saw it coming.

Then one day another girl came into his life and suddenly he was sharing all his thoughts and dreams with her.  He was spending time with her and taking her thoughts and encouragement more seriously than mine.  And there she was benefiting from all my hard work of molding him into the wonderful man that he is.

What did I do wrong?  Or did I do it right?

Isn't this what we are supposed to do as parents?  Train them, teach them, help them grow and then let them go.  I must admit that the reality of that last part, let them go, is really becoming more and more real to me as we get closer and closer to the end of high school and I realize 6 months from now we will be packing up all his stuff and moving him out.  This is what I have been doing the last 17-1/2 years, preparing for this moment to come.  And he is ready.  Although half of me wants to lock him in a closet and hold on to him a little longer the other half knows I have done my job and it is time to release him.  And in the end I will listen to that other half.

So now that he is ready, I guess it is time to get myself ready.

So I am working on learning to be "just friends" and trusting that I have raised him, loved him and encouraged him to go out and make choices for himself in relationships and life that continue the work I have begun in him.

You're not bored, you're boring.

I hate the word "bored", as in "I'm bored". (I know, I know, I posted about being bored at work yesterday.)Sometimes the correct word for a situation is bored but I don't think any child has even a clue what the word means yet uses it so often you would think they spent their days sitting in the middle of an empty room with plain grey walls unable to move.

When Jake was little I had a friend who would tell her children, "boredom is the beginning of creativity".  So I used it on Jake a few times.  One time he came out of his room a little while later announcing, "creativity has arrived!"  But that only happened once.  However, he wasn't nearly as fond of the word as Isabelle is.

John has taken to telling Isabelle, "you're not bored, you're boring" and sending her to figure something out.  Yesterday she told me she was bored so many times I announced that from now on when I hear the word she gets a sad rock. (happy rock/sad rock is our behavior reward system.)

Why can't she just learn to entertain herself?!  We have a house full of options!

I shared about my outdoor childhood recently yet when I tell Isabelle to go play outside she looks at me like I am crazy.  What will she do?  Outside is boring too.

Now I fully realize and remember telling my parents I was bored when I was a child so I don't want to diminish the reality of children and bordom but, do you think technology has made our children more incapable of entertaining themselves than previous generations?

I think it might be time for some screen time limits at our house. 

Things I am thinking about.

Where is my mini me?

17-1/2 years ago I gave birth to my sweet baby boy.  From that moment on I have endeavored to teach him about the world, instill in him a strong faith and values.  As I have grown up along with him I have tried to teach him the lessons I was learning so he would not make the mistakes I made.  In short I have been working very hard for 17+ years to create a perfect version of myself.

So you can imagine my surprise to realize as he begins this final march toward adulthood that he has a mind of his own, that he wants to make his own choices, learn from his own mistakes and do things in ways I would not necessarily choose to do.  It is almost as if he thinks he is an independent individual with a free will of his own.  What is up with that?

But I think about my own parents and how I have, at every turn, done it different.  And how my mom often has said over the years something to the affect of, "we have stopped questioning what John and Melanie are doing."  Because they have come to see that while we have done it different, we haven't necessarily done it wrong.  I can't tell you how much I have appreciated their support over the years, especially now as we look at Jake and realize he is probably going to do a lot of things different than us and see how much we need to trust him, trust what we have taught him and trust the Lord as he goes forward.

Parenting does not get easier.

Just saying.

The Desires of your Heart

I realize my children are nearly 11 years apart and most people find that shocking.  So you would think I wouldn't find it particularly shocking when my girlfriend whose youngest just started his senior year this fall announces she is pregnant.  We both struggled with infertility after our son's were born and both assumed after so many years another child was not meant to be.  And while physically that continues to be true for me, apparently God had other plans in mind for her.

It has me thinking about what it has meant to have a second child so many years later.

 On the one hand John and I are the same people, my desire to raise my child and be present in every part of her life is the same as it was when Jake was little.  I am just as committed to seeing my daughter raised in a Christian home and to know the Lord personally as I was with Jake.  My mama bear is still always at the ready and I still let my kids watch too much TV and videos (although now they are dvd's).

On the other hand John and I are completely different people.  We have tried and failed and tried and succeeded.  Our experiences make us wiser and our lives richer.  We have so much more to offer Isabelle than we had to offer Jake.  We are more confident as parents and we are more relaxed.  We know ourselves and we know our children.  We don't care if you think our kids watch too much TV!

Since Isabelle came along things have changed a lot at our house.  And while she wasn't exactly a surprise it was still quite a shock to our lives when she finally arrived.

I had a lot of fear about who I would be with new baby round 2.  While I enjoyed Jake's baby years and childhood very much  I also remember the insecurity and struggles for contentment that went along with those years.  When I thought about having a baby again after so many years both the good and bad memories of those times flooded back.  But I realized I did not have to go back and become the person I was at 23 just because I was a new mom again.  And my needs were very different round 2.  So while I enjoyed MOPS, cloth diapers, nursing and all the other new mommy activities that were part of round 1, I decided not to do them again with Isabelle.  (Yes you can nurse an adopted child, FYI)  Instead I looked at the life I had now and what I needed at this stage.  I needed a child that could be mobile because we were a busy family and I had come to value the array of friends I had with children at every stage of life.  Plus my siblings were now having babies and round 2 I got to share parenting with them.

I also worried about having to let go of my dreams.  Did having a baby mean everything I had worked for and dreamt about for the past 11 years would be put off or never experienced? I did end up letting go of the real estate we owned and managed when Isabelle was born and I second guessed that decision for the first few years afterward but I have come to realize what a blessing that was as we sold right before the real estate bubble burst and avoided getting stuck with a very large backward mortgage we couldn't pay.  On the other hand not only did I get to hold on to my dream of doing mission work in Africa, I got to take a 4 year old to Kenya!  And while the idea of being empty nesters at the ripe old age of 41 had its appeal I have no regrets about raising children to the riper old age of 52.  This was clearly God's plan all along.

So while I am certain this baby will significantly change my friends lives I know it won't change them and while their dreams may have to be altered slightly in the end God's plans will be even better than they imagined.

Once upon a time, my friend, we prayed together that God would give us the desire of our hearts, another baby, and here we are in our old age seeing God answer those prayers in amazing ways.  We are blessed.

Delight yourself in the LORD;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4

The Teaching parent

When Jake was 3 months old I joined MOPS at our church.  I was a new mom working 3 days a week and while i adored my baby boy I was really struggling to get a vision for exactly what my purpose in life was as the mom of a baby.  As Jake approached one year old and the MOPS year was coming to an end they had a speaker come in that changed my life.  She spoke on being a teaching parent. This mom had home schooled, public schooled and private schooled.  At one point all at the same time!  But she wasn't talking about school age kids she was talking about pre-schoolers.  Teaching my little baby boy how to discover the world.  I finally knew what the point of being at home with my child was.  Now thinking of your purpose around the idea of "teaching" your children might not be what inspires you, maybe you prefer to think of the word "nurture" or "guide" or "shepherd" but teacher definitely hit for me.

Preparing my son to face the world, to succeed in school and in life, exciting!  Sitting around trying to keep a 1 year old entertained, boring.  Putting rings around a peg was about as dull an afternoon as I could imagine but, teaching my son to put rings around a peg because he was learning fine motor skills which would serve him all his life was exciting.

I didn't know this would lead me to homeschooling a few years later or that I would become so opinionated on the subject of education, I just knew it would forever change the way I viewed my job as mom.  And it has.  Of course I still believe I am nurturing, shepherding, guiding or whatever word inspires you but "teach" is the word that is under everything I do.  When I am frustrated with my children I ask how I can teach them the skill they are missing which is causing the problematic behavior.

I think this is actually what led me away from homeschooling and into the internet school Jake spent many years.  I wanted to focus on identifying areas he was struggling in and let someone else teach him the details that were not a problem.  His school teachers got to work on math, geography, science, etc.  I got to help him learn to prioritize that school work, to understand why a 5 question 10 point quiz can significantly affect your grade when you have one every single week, to not get overwhelmed by a big project but take it one step at a time.

Over the years I hope I have taught him life skills, how to do the laundry, make his bed, clean the bathroom, etc.  But also some skills that are a little less concrete, to take a risk, try new things, not be afraid to fail, not take yourself too seriously.  Most important to seek God in every situation and trust Him no matter what happens.

Teach your child the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.  Prov 22:6 (my version anyway)

Growing in Maturity

Jake turned 17 in June and I didn't post anything about him! For his birthday we made our now traditional birthday poster and used it to announce his gift. Tickets to a Christian music festival in our area called, "Sonshine Festival" which he wanted to attend but couldn't afford.

(Confession:  I forgot to photograph him on his birthday so I made him pose for these a week later.  Not that you would know this otherwise but I like to share my failure as a mother by pointing out when I forget to take any birthday pictures of my child.)

We sent him and a friend off to this weekend festival with a tent, camp gear and food all packed and purchased by Jake.  He drove himself an hour out of town, set up his tent and cooked his meals for 3 days and 2 nights.  While the parents of one of his friends were there he was basically on his own.  He made a few mistakes (like forgetting the ticket at home) but we decided not to rescue him (we couldn't have if we had wanted to since we weren't home) and instead let him problem solve or suffer the consequences. (The festival looked up his tickets online and let him in.)

This week Jake is in Panama on a mission trip with our youth group who partnered with Youth With A Mission (YWAM).  They will be doing mainly children's VBS type programing but will definitely get a little adventure mixed in when they are canoed into a remote village for some ministry time and will spend one night there.

This is Jake's second over seas mission trip and 4th mission trip in general.  He is a seasoned pro.  The first trip our church youth did was 5 years ago when Jake was going into 7th grade.  They partnered with YWAM that time as well to help with clean up in New Orleans after Katrina.  Jake was the youngest on the trip which had more girls than boys.  Fast forward to today, Jake is now going into 12th grade and among the older kids on a trip of mostly boys.  This time instead of looking to everyone else for leadership they will be looking to him.

This is a hard stage for parenting.  I know I am preparing him to leave the nest in a year or so and I am starting to worry.  I see him every day.  I know his immaturity.  And sometimes I must admit I focus on that more than the maturity.  Despite letting him go off with no worries to Sonshine I was worried this time about whether or not he would know what to do and do it.

In the past I would be home to micromanage the preparations.  Make sure he packed what I thought he needed, the way I thought it should be packed.  Bring what I wanted him to have and all the while fill him with advice and wisdom I feel he will need while away.  But this time I didn't have those opportunities.  I did manage to take him out and buy bug spray, sunscreen and a second pair of shorts for the trip as well as a new suitcase but otherwise I totally had to trust him to make it happen.

When we arrived to drop him off several parents and staff commented on the plan to look to Jake for leadership on this trip.  I wanted to tell them why he was totally not mature enough and they might want to be sure and check on him regularly.  But then I thought about it.  He is ready for this responsibility.  He is mature.  He has traveled out of the country before and although this is a different country with a different culture he has the experience to take it in and do what is needed. 

So I decided to stop worrying and trust.  Trust my son, trust that he has learned the lessons we have taught him over the years and trust God, that He will be with him every step of the way.

I am looking forward to the return of my mature son and of hearing how God used him and revealed Himself during this week as He prepares Jake for his future.

I am a Builder's Wife

I have this philosophy when it comes to talking to kids about sex, just keep a constant open dialogue.  To that end my 6 year old has bits and pieces of the whole story without me ever sitting down and explaining sex to her.  Eventually I will help her connect all the pieces but for now her questions have all been answered.  Many questions have come as a result of her adoption but some are just normal questions. 

Isabelle: How did I get out of Lauren's tummy?

Me:  You sort of poop it out but girls have a special baby hole for babies to come out of.

This conversation prompted her to bring up her "baby hole" several times in the weeks following.

Isabelle:  I came out of Lauren's tummy so that is why she is my birth mom but why is Sam my birth dad?

Me:  You need a boy part and a girl part to make a baby grow.

She was about 4 at this point and knew more than some 10 year olds about how babies are made.

This past week I got:

Isabelle:  Why do you use a tampon?

Me:  When you get to be a teenager your body will start to get ready in case you want to have a baby.  A layer of blood forms inside of you so the baby has a soft place to grow and if there is no baby then your body gets rid of the blood through your baby hole and if you don't use a tampon it will run down your leg.

Lately I have been thinking about how this approach to sex really applies to so many other areas of parenting.  I am slowly establishing a foundation upon which we can build together over the years rather than bringing in some pre-fab house, plunking it down on the ground over a weekend, moving her in and leaving.

I am building a foundation for her relationship with God, her relationship with me and her relationships with others.  Her education, her love of learning and her future career.  Her habits, goals, desires, loves.

A few years ago when John was resistant to my attempts at discussing the plans for our future I finally said to him, "I know you think this life just happened to us but it didn't, I planned it."

And so it is with my children.

Jake recently got a 34 on his ACT.  An incredible score.  One could look casually at what is happening right now with our interaction to his academics and think that he just got "lucky" and is just "smart".  On the one hand I certainly never set out to make sure my son got an ACT score 2 off of perfect but on the other hand I didn't just toss him into school and wait to see how it turned out either. 

Those of you who know me know I have been directing every educational move he has made since pre-school.  This next year he will be doing his senior year of high school at the local community college.  It is a program our state has where students can earn double credit, high school and college, during their jr and sr year of high school paid for by the state.  It is an incredible opportunity, he will graduate from high school and finish his freshman year of college at the same time, something that I literally began telling Jake he was going to do when he was in kindergarten and have reiterated many times throughout the past 12 years. 

That is what you call building a foundation. 

I wasn't always sure I was making a difference but here we are in the home stretch with Jake and so far he is on track to become the godly man I planned and prayed for.

The view from above

All spring, back when I didn't know I was about to start working full time, I kept taunting my husband with my plan to build a tree house this summer.  I kept telling him Jake and I were going to do it.  We would build it with stuff in the garage.  He kept insisting we didn't have anything laying around the house to build a tree house.  It was a little thing we had going.  Of course he was scared because history reveals he really would come home one day to some loony contraption nailed to the side of one of our trees.  I am not about engineering perfection.  I am a "git 'er done" kinda gal.

Then I got a job.  And I had to admit I didn't know how I would build a tree house without John looking.  I figured my dream of a tree house for Isabelle would have to wait another summer.

I read the book, "Last Child in the Woods" a few years ago and I am obsessed with my children climbing trees, having tree forts and running through the woods risking life a limb to experience nature.  Just a little random trivia for you.

Somehow my wonderful husband must have sensed how serious I was about the tree house plan and how sad I was Isabelle wouldn't get one because that first week I was working I came home and found he had been doing this all day:

The Proposed tree house tree

Stuff that WAS laying around our garage!  I knew it!

Probably a more stable base than I would have built.

Just the right size for one little girl to sit and enjoy the view.

Loving every minute of it.

Soothing Fears

On Mother's day after telling my family the plan for John to go back to school in the fall I casually say something to my brother like "hey are there any full time secretary openings at your work?"  It turns out they need a new receptionist so I sent him my resume the next day, Monday, had a phone interview on Tuesday, went in on Thursday, had a second interview on Tuesday and was offered a full time job last Thursday.  Less than 2 weeks after sending my brother my resume I am employed full time!  Talk about moving too fast.  Am I ready for this?  Is my family?  We just decided to send John to school full time 3 weeks ago!

At first I was excited.  I put a little check mark in the "get a full time job" box on the "things to do before John starts school in the fall" list.  I thought about what new clothes I will need and spent some time working up a preliminary plan for Isabelle this summer.  Then as John and I were talking that night it all hit me.  I am going back to work FULL TIME!  I started crying.

I am not afraid to leave my home.  I am not worried about how the laundry will get done or dinner will get made.  I will miss my spontaneous morning coffee times with girlfriends but I will adjust.  I cried for my daughter.  I will not be there for every need she has, to take her places and experience new things.  I will not be the one and only primary care giver in her life.  I will not be the only big influence in her life.  And when we are together we will both be tired.  I will miss that awesome time right after school when Jake was so willing to tell me everything he knew.  Will Isabelle tell me everything she knows before dinner instead or will she be too busy with something else?  Or will I?  Who will influence her?

I was also praying last week about John's future job situation.  Once it became clear I was going to get my work figured out I wanted his work figured out too.  My goal here is not to become the primary provider of our family.  If I am working he should be working.  Right!?  Yet as I was praying about it God really changed my heart.  He showed me how John's more flexible work schedule will allow Isabelle to still be with the family this summer.  To be there for her where I can't be.  John will still have to work and she will still need to be in some summer camps and other activities but she will not be tossed out into the world to fend for herself, she still have us as her home base and will not be alone.

So the big question is, can I trust my husband to take on my role?  I mean, yes I can, but will I?  Will I trust him and embrace this new arrangement in our family or will I fight against it and be frustrated?

One of my girlfriends sent me another quote by John D. Rockefeller, "If you want to succeed you should strike out on new paths, rather than travel the worn paths of accepted success."  That is what we are doing.  We are striking out on a new path.  It is new in every area of our life.  Not just in John's work but in mine as well.  New for Isabelle, new for Jake.

Let's face it, at the core of my anxiety about going back to work and leaving Isabelle is FEAR.  I mean if I am honest I am afraid even when I am at home with Isabelle that I will fail her in some way.  That she will turn from God, that she will make poor choices.  But at least I am at home, in charge and under the delusion that I have some level of influence and control over her at this point. Then I remember God already gave me a scripture for fear in Don's cancer. Isaiah 43:1 "But now, this is what the LORD says—he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine."

So I remind myself what I always try to remind myself when I am fearful while raising my children; God loves them more than I do.  And if God is leading us to strike out on a new path, which it seems very clear to us he is, then I have nothing to worry about.  He will provide for my children exactly what they need.  He will provide me with that special after school connection somewhere else.  He will grow and mature Isabelle, call her to Himself and soothe her fears as He is soothing mine.  None of us will be alone.
 
I am not sure that answers the question of whether or not I trust my husband to take over care of my family but I do trust God and so does John so I guess it will be OK.
 
I start next week!  I hope I can find a few minutes each week to keep up with my blog as well.  My priorities are family and then blog.  Sometimes I admit I reverse those.  Is that wrong?

Identity Crisis

Once upon a time I worked full time.  Then I had a baby.  I know that for a lot of women, at least according to all the books on being a stay at home mom I read, it is hard to transition from being a working woman to being a stay at home mom.  You go from feeling like you have a purpose and identity to feeling like your life doesn't have purpose and you don't have an identity.  At least that is what I read about.  I actually did not experience that.  I felt relieved to be able to stop telling people I was an "account clerk" at a large bank and I was under paid and under appreciated and not at all using my brain to its full potential. 

I was proud to announce to people that I was at home with my child.  I don't even try to dress it up.  In fact the more fancy your job the more mundane I tend to make my job.  I personally really like the good old fashioned "homemaker".  It is funny how many people respond to me as if I have apologized for what I do by telling me what an important and difficult job I have.  As if I didn't know it. 

I love my job.  I am not embarrassed by it.  When I tell a CEO that I am a homemaker I feel like I am announcing that we have the same job.  We both have challenging jobs with lots of responsibility and are not always appreciated by the people we are trying to help.  But I don't feel compelled to refer to myself as the "CEO of the Home."  I feel good about being at home and I feel like the fancy job titles women give themselves when they are at home is just an attempt to justify something I don't feel I need to justify.  I feel important at home and it doesn't matter to me if you agree or not.

Maybe if I had been a doctor or lawyer or teacher or some other notable profession I might have struggled more with giving it up but I wasn't and I wasn't sorry to loose my work identity and gain a more noble title.

Now I am back working.  It is part-time but none the less work.  And when people ask me "what do you do?" I find myself having an identity crisis.  What do I do?  Who am I?  I want to continue to be a homemaker, and yes I realize I still am, but part of me isn't anymore and to deny that would be a lie to myself as much as anyone else. 

If I thought my going back to work was temporary maybe I would feel different.  But I feel like my going back to work is long term.  How long I don't know but I do see myself working for many years into the future.  And big picture I am OK with that, I like the thought even.  But short term, I am having an identity crisis.

I guess it will be a process, just as everything else is, to transform my own thinking and be able to redefine in my own head who I am and what I do and be comfortable.  I always said that it was the working women who weren't happy working that were the ones that scoffed the most at my being home, the ones that were comfortable with their own decisions tended to be just as comfortable with mine.  So the sooner I get comfortable with my own place in my life the sooner others will be comfortable and then we can all move on with our lives because really what I do doesn't matter nearly as much as who I am.  And that I am comfortable with.

The joy in their faces

 With my son just 16 months from High School graduation I have been busy creating a "this is your life" photo situation. I have nice shutterfly albums for all the years I have digital photos. Those photos are all on my computer in neat dated files. While I might not know exactly what is going on in all of them 15 years from now I will be able to tell you exactly how old we all were when it happened. Not so the paper photos. Although some do have a date on them I have a series with 12/31/89 on them which seems unlikely since it was 5 years before Jake was born and we are wearing shorts in some of them.  I did seem to occasionally jot down a date or at least year and occasionally the occasion but mostly I couldn't imagine I wouldn't recall every detail of my sons life for the rest of his life.

Turns out I can't.

 

 I did manage to get the albums in a somewhat obvious chronological order (hey I do have them in albums) but unfortunately I put them in the albums about once every 2 years and I just grabbed the pile of photos and started stuffing so within the albums there is no real order. And remember how we used to get doubles of all our pictures? I am finding repeats of pictures in different albums.

Having decided to do a thematic approach to Jake's life rather than a chronological approach, today I started pulling pictures out of albums and looking for themes. You know, like birthday, holidays, covered in mud, naked...You know, themes.

As I was going through those pictures of my 1-5 year old son and his 24-29 year old parents I was struck by how happy and carefree everyone looked. Are we all really that good at faking it for the camera or was I really that much more relaxed in my 20's?

 

I can see how easy it is to look back on the past with rose colored glasses. I see those happy faces and I only remember the happy times. The family trips, water fun in the summer, sledding in the winter, fishing at the farm, catching my little boy asleep at the bottom of the stairs, teaching him how to cook and letting him spray the hose on the driveway wearing nothing at all. Nobody was pulling out the camera on those dark days when I was depressed about not having a baby or feeling insecure about how I looked or going to battle with my 4 year old and loosing.

 

Of course I also have the perspective of hindsight. I know that young mom is going to be just fine. Her bills are going to get paid, she will eventually loose that weight she is gaining, drive a mini van just like her friends, take that trip to Africa she has been dreaming of, see her son become a wonderful young man and hold that long awaited baby in her arms. So I don't see the pain of the unknown but the joy of what is to come.

 

 15 years from now when I look back at the pictures of myself today will I see a woman who is happy and carefree or a woman who is tired of carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders?  Someone who can't see how it will all work out or someone who knows that just as He has in the past God will deliver her into the future blessing her with amazing gifts along the way?

Childhood is fun.  Adulthood is fun.  LIFE is fun.  Looking at the pictures of Jake as a baby reminds me of what a joy my life has been and how richly I am blessed.  I praise God for the opportunities I have had to learn and grow along the way, for never abandoning me and for the hope of the future as life keeps moving forward and I continue to enjoy every moment.

Buck Up Little Camper

Do we need to toughen up as parents so that our children toughen up?

As I further contemplate Isabelle's need to control her emotions I wonder. 

Here is a brief history of my parenting philosophy:

When I was pregnant with Jake I read a sum total of zero books on parenting or raising children.  I am not totally clear what my plan was but it never occurred to me that I needed to read any books on the subject.  I have always been a bit of a realist and combined with the fact that I was the first person I knew to have a child I really didn't go through a, "when I have a child I will be the perfect parent" phase.  I figured I would just plug forward one foot in front of the other and everything would be fine.  I never stressed about Jake's behavior problems because I always said I wasn't trying to raise a 2 year old I was trying to raise a Man.  Take the long range view of parenting when your kids misbehave.

Of course parenting is a little challenging so I did glance at a few parenting books over the years.  However, I hate being told what to do and really hate being told I am at fault for my child's behavior so basically I hated parenting books.

Finally I found one that didn't tell me parenting was a one size fits all pursuit and actually encouraged the positive reinforcement style I had sort of developed (and gave me the phrase "positive reinforcement" to describe my parenting style) while suggesting some structure around it. 

I also really believe in open communication with my children and will tolerate a higher level of what some may see as disrespect from my children than most as long as I feel like they are trying to communicate something to me and not just being mean, insulting or trying to manipulate me.

And I really think it is important to understand my child.  Each person is going to respond differently, be motivated by different things, be hurt by different things, need a different style of parenting.

All that to say I am not a very tough parent.  I am not super strict.  My children do get away with murder, they don't always obey and I often do nothing about it.

Just thought I would share.

So two things come to my attention recently as I think about my daughter and her emotional drama.

(As I side note I do realize that 5 year old girls are known for emotional drama and this is not a permanent phase but I just want to establish something now that will lay ground work for a lifetime of being an emotional woman.)

First of all:  I was with some friends recently, one of whom is a middle school nurse.  On her shoulders has fallen the management of several students who have panic attacks about going to school.  What struck me about it was she talked about parents who come and rescue their children as soon as an attack happens rather than making them work through it at school.  She felt it gave the kids the message that they could not work through it at school.  Now this isn't supposed to a commentary on the validity of mental health, I realize I am simplifying here, but rather a question about whether or not we are creating children who can't deal with trouble because we don't ever ask them to.

Second of all:  Have you heard about this new book by the tiger mother.  I imagine you have all heard about the woman who wrote a book about being a "Chinese mother" and the borderline abusive behavior she and other chinese mothers bring to parenting in order to get the high achieving results many chinese mothers get.  Here is what strikes me about that:  they don't wonder if their children are gifted or not, have musical talent or not.  They assume they do and just a good dose of hard, very hard, work will draw it out.  They don't coddle children thinking they need "down time" to recover from the hard work of 30 minutes of homework but are busy insisting on 3 hours of piano practice a night and zero social life.  I spoke with a woman at our church who was raised by a "chinese mother" and she said, "yes", it is real, that is how chinese mothers raise their children.  And A- is a bad grade.  I mentioned Jake's B's which while I wish were A's I am still proud of and she told me if her mother was there she would be giving Jake a lecture about his poor grades and what he needed to do to pull them up. (Which sort of made me wish she was there...)

I cannot tell a lie.  I am a coddler.  I still carry my 5 year old around like she was 1 year old and I did the same with my now 16 year old.  I can't remember exactly when I stopped carrying him places but I assure you it was til at least 5 years old.  I am thinking 8 maybe.  In my defense I don't have other children to carry so there is no obvious moment when I need to stop.  And it is WAY faster to carry them in than walk through a cold parking lot with a slow 3 year old or a stubborn 5 year old.  Just saying.

Are you still reading this because I am very close to my point...

Last night Isabelle came into our room, told me she had a bad dream and waited for me to roll over so she could climb in bed with me.  Now I do not parent in the wee hours of the morning so mostly I just roll over because I do not want to even wake enough to speak to tell her to leave and I know she will just bug me until I am actually awake if I try to ignore her.  But somehow in my unconscious consciousness all this struck me and I wondered if letting her get in bed with me after a bad dream rather than developing coping skills while laying in her own bed was really the loving parent thing to do.

I mean, yes, I remember laying in bed as a child in terrifying fear because of a bad dream or simply because I had worked up some crazy terror over the shadows on the walls.  And, no, I don't want my child to have to go through that torment.  But then again everyone goes through it.  So why does my daughter need to get in bed with me?  Why can't she be scared too?  I still sometimes wake up from a bad dream scared but I don't have to call my mom in the middle of the night to over come it.  I do what I did when I was little.  I pray and ask God to protect me and believe he will.  He always has. 

So I pulled myself out of my sleep stupor enough to tell Isabelle to go back to bed and pray about it.  She cried and I wanted to roll over and rescue her from that cry (or was it rescue my sleep from that cry?) but I didn't and she was in her room and back to sleep within a couple minutes, actually more like a minute.

OK so is there some sort of balance between the "helicopter mom" who rescues their child from everything and the "chinese mom" who pushes to extreme limits?

So what I am wondering here is this: Am I feeding into some of her emotional issues by not letting her learn coping skills on her own?  Am I so afraid she will learn unhealthy coping skills that I am keeping her from learning them at all?

I think a plan is starting to come together:

Step one: Teach her to tell herself the truth.
Step Two:  Be Joyful.
Step Three:  Buck Up.

Parenting is exhausting.

I want to go home

Several weeks ago during a control battle between Isabelle and I she suddenly announces, "I want to go home."  Hello, you are at home.  "No my real home.  Where I was born."  The idea that at 4 years old she had put together the tiny amount of information she has and come to the conclusion she used to live with Lauren was so absurd to me that I just had to laugh.  I decided she had no idea what she was talking about and ignored her but a week or so later I heard the same thing during another tantrum.  I had told her she had to eat one bite of her dinner or go to her room for the night.  She had been in her room for a while having her break down and I went in to assess the situation and see if I could convince her to eat.  She begins,

"I want to go home"
Me: this is your home.
Her: no my real home.  Where I was born.
Me: the hospital?
Her: No with Lauren
Me: Even if you lived with Lauren she would make you take a bite.
Her: She is having the same thing?!  Thats....Weird.

I was rolling on the ground laughing by the end of this conversation.  She said it all while crying hysterically.  I almost called Lauren on the spot to back me up on this food thing.  We did talk later and I told her if I ever called with a strange request like, "should Isabelle eat a bite of fish?" she should just go with it.  We laughed together at her comments and discussed the fact that neither of us are prepared for her to begin asking about this at such a young age.

Although I am very secure in my role as Isabelle's mother and in her love for me I would be lying if I didn't admit to having a little pang of sadness when Isabelle announced she wanted to live with Lauren.  I had to give myself a little pep talk to remind myself that this is all part of the process and part of what I signed on for as an adoptive mother.  I know that understanding Sam and Lauren's decision is complicated and difficult even for many adults and will take time for Isabelle to mature enough to accept.  Everywhere Isabelle turns and all the media that she is exposed to portrays a traditional family where the mother gives birth to a child she keeps rather than giving it to another mother to raise.  Guiding her through this understanding will be one of the most important rolls I have as her mother.

After the second comment which I was continuing to try to ignore I felt God encouraging me to talk with Isabelle about her adoption.  I simply shared with her that even though she was in Lauren's tummy that I have always been her mommy.  That I was there the day after she was born and brought her home from the hospital.  She has never lived with Lauren.  She actually hugged me and thanked me for telling her this and looked physically relieved.  It is amazing to realize that at such a young age her sense of security can already be under attack.  But I think if she didn't feel loved and secure she wouldn't feel free to say these things and ask questions.

So far these question have come up when she was being disciplined.  It came up again this morning after I sent her to her room for something.  I specifically remember during one of our early meetings with Sam and Lauren before she was born Sam telling us that if she ever called them because we were disciplining her for something and she wanted to get out of it that they would always back us up.  I think we were all envisioning a pre-teen or teenager calling them not a 4 year old but it is nice to know even at this age they have our backs.  (If she really knew what was going on she would run to Grandma and Grandpa, they are the real push overs.)

Never a dull moment around here.
-----------------------------------
Side note, I have finished labeling all my posts now so you may peruse all my thoughts by catagory.  Enjoy.

4 year old hormones

I have had a long week with Isabelle. Not that she isn't normally emotional, I am learning to accept this as a part of having a daughter, but it has been exceptionally bad this week and particularly today. As I put her to bed tonight even she commented on the fact that she had been having "a rough day". Yes indeedy she had been.

It started off fairly normal and so I didn't note the usual break downs that go with getting out of the house in the morning and we managed to have a fairly pleasant lunch with my parents (a pre birthday celebration since they will be out of town. I blessed them with a preview of my fabulous birthday present which I will reveal here this weekend.)

Then in the afternoon while spending a little time on my computer hanging out with her friends the Disney princesses she drops some pencil lead she found while rifling through my desk drawers into my keyboard and proceeds to pop off about 7 keys before I came upon this little scenario. I calmly asked her to get off the chair and step away from my computer and then proceeded to calmly assess the damage. She tells me it is an accident and then asks me if I am mad at her. Yes I tell her I am mad at her. Crying and carrying on occurs and she goes to her room for quite a long time. Now you might think it is remorse she is feeling but no in fact she is indignant that I would dare to be mad at her when it was an "accident". Eventually she comes out all red faced and we talk about it and she does seem to understand that she was wrong and apologize. In case you are wondering I did get a couple to pop back on but every time I type a B or V I have to put in a little more effort while J and and Alt key are completely unattached. Which actually seem to work better at times than the loose keys. My husband assures me he will be able to fix it.



Tonight as we are leaving for church she tries to race her 15 year old brother to the car and when he does not let her win I find her crying in the backyard. Move on with your life girlfriend he is 10 years older. Life isn't fair. It won't be the last time you loose. Losing is part of life. And so on as we are pulling out of the driveway toward church. I also made her congratulate Jake for a job well done beating her to the car. I am exhausted from a day of managing her emotions.

I relax briefly during the dinner the church serve while she plays with a friend. When it is time to go the friends mom calls and her daughter obediently comes while Isabelle throws herself on the floor crying because Emily didn't wait for her and she wants to keep playing with Emily and on and on and on. Once I get her moving she then DEMANDS I give her my bottle of water. The only reason I brought her to her class is because I really felt I needed my hour and a half praying with friends tonight. When I returned to pick her up my daughter who charms everyone she meets and so was wonderful during class, immediately started crying because she didn't want to go with me. After a few minutes of sympathetic chatting with the class leaders about having an emotional girl I was able to get her out without too much drama and get home.

More drama into bed where she was apparently feeling my pain as she acknowledged what a rough day she was having. She cried herself to sleep for reasons only she is aware of.

As I have had a few moments spread throughout the day to think about this behavior and how to deal with it and why I feel so overwhelmed by it when I felt so energized by Jake's bad pre-school behavior, I had a thought. It isn't that I can't deal with her impulsive behavior like popping off the keys on my keyboard. It isn't that I don't know how to deal with her selfishness or her sometimes unrepentant heart or her impatience or her competitiveness or her need for control, her bossiness, her demands, her smart mouth and the many other character and behavior issues that come up throughout a day or week. The problem I realized, the thing that is overwhelming me and keeping me frozen in my tracks, is the fact that so many of these issues come up in one day, sometimes in one sitting. How do I put a plan together to deal with every one of these issues?

My revelation is that it isn't one issue, it is many issues. And I can't come up with a plan for all of them but I need to take each one as it comes. As I think of it there are a few behavior themes that I could be thinking on but I guess with an emotional little girl the trick will be to not get stuck in one place but to be ready to switch gears and move from issue to issue. Luckily as a woman I am somewhat familiar with experiencing various emotions from moment to moment without clutching so I am well equipped to handle this parenting challenge. Do you think God planned it that way?

The wild child

I was reading a blog yesterday that was featured on the SITS web site and as I commented on one of her posts I decided that the topic was worth a post on my blog. This woman has 3 little kids and made the fatal mistake of going to the bathroom. She returned less than 5 minutes later to find her oldest had flooded the kitchen/living room area by holding the auto water on her fridge down the whole time, one child standing naked on top of her high chair having removed her own poopy diaper and a baby working her way out of the swing. While she was laughing about it she also questioned whether these behaviors were on the good mother list or not. The idea being that clearly if she was a good mother her children would not behave that way. I assured her those behaviors were definately on the good mother list.

When Jake was little that certainly wasn't how I felt, the good mothers had well behaved children and the bad mothers (me) had wild and uncontrollable children. While I wasn't sure if I was a good or bad mother at the time I was sure I was doing my best and that I could trust God to give me the wisdom I needed to raise my wild and uncontrollable son.

Now Jake and I are both older and wiser. He is so easy at this age and makes me look like a good mother on such a regular basis that it is hard to look back at those early years and remember that he walked to the corner store by himself when he was 2 wearing just a pair of shorts and a mac and cheese mustache, decided to go do some shopping at the Disney store on the first floor while I was checking out at Sears on the 2nd floor when he was 4, spun around in a circle while holding an open bag of bird seed, wrote all over his body with a pen (and I mean EVERYWHERE), went outside, dropped his pants, squatted down and pooped in our front yard, put the race car in neutral while pretending to drive and pulled it out of the driveway, brought the entire canister of sugar downstairs to eat while watching tv, then eggs and flour (which turned into cookie dough in my vacuum), smashed a hole in is bedroom door and of course no childhood is complete until they have written on the walls. I could go on but you get the idea. Did all this mean I was a bad mother?

Once in school I got a list of "off task behaviors" from the teacher which included the horrifying, chews pencil, crawls to circle time instead of walking and jumps over his snow pants when he is supposed to be putting them on. There were a few truly inappropriate things on the list such as grabbing his friends and pretending to chock them when he got excited about something (what can I say, it was a phase). Needless to say he didn't get invited over for alot of play dates.

Then one day he grew up and his "bad" behavior became more cerebral. Suddenly he questioned everything! Jr high was a battle of wits, I had to be sharp.

Now one could certainly argue that a little more structure and discipline in our house wouldn't be a bad thing. Jake might have gone on more playdates, he might have been able to play at the mcdonalds play place, I might not have lost him at the mall and our home and property might be in better shape. But he learned the life lessons he needed for the long term and is turning into a wonderful young man.

My response to this woman's blog post was that good mothers aren't made in what their children do but in how they respond to what their children do. When Jake did all those things I didn't ignore him, I didn't berate him, I didn't beat him. Each behavior created an opportunity for me to teach him, nurture him, guide him, listen to him and love him. A bad mother isn't someone whose children mis-behave, a bad mother is someone who doesn't care.


BONUS

OK John just came up and I was telling him about this post. His great insight is to think of the original parent and original children. No not Cain and Able...God and Adam and Eve. God was the perfect parent and yet his children, Adam and Eve, still disobeyed. If God's children can dis-obey I think we can give ourselves a break when our children do too.

Smoking Homework

Since school got out I have been asked by Jake to have friends over almost every moment that he didn't have a task, which since school got out has been almost every moment. Finally on Thursday night I gave in and agreed to an impromptu party. We went downtown to see my cousin's band "Pert Near Sandstone" perform and then went back home for a bon fire. Only one of Jake's friends was able to go to the concert but a couple more came over around 8:30 after we got home. At first it was a normal bon fire, friends chatting, roasting marshmallows, adding logs, etc. Then they got the idea to burn homework. Jake had just dumped his backpack and desk in the trash and it was full of schoolwork memories they were ready to rid themselves of for the summer. Then something went...wrong? weird? One of them rolled up a sheet of homework and lit the end. It seemed like a cigarette and the next thing we knew they were all "smoking" homework. It was beyond hilarious to watch and John and I just sat there laughing. I, of course, ran to get my camera because what else would you do?





Even as I was photographing I was thinking about my sister and how she would never understand this. We have had several conversations essentially about how the seemingly innocent experimentation of her youth became a stepping stone to actual bad choices and therefore she is very careful about what she lets her children be exposed to. While I certainly understand and agree with her thoughts for the most part, and I am in no way picking on her parenting here (she reads this after all), but it got me thinking about the choices we are making as parents of a teenager and what kind of relationship we are going to have with his friends.

As I am going into this stage of parenting (am I going into it or am I firmly ensconced in it?), I feel like more important than establishing our rules for both Jake and his friends is to establish relationships with Jake and his friends. Not wimpy relationships that accept any behavior to maintain the friendship but an actual respectful and loving relationship with our son that began long before the teen years hit. And a relationship with his friends that shows we care about them and enjoy them and do not fear them or their influence on our son.

The teen years can be tough and no mater what we do as parents our children will make a few bad choices. Some worse than others but nobody goes through life without making a few mistakes along the way. John and I would like to have a relationship with our son that assures us that when the mistakes happen and he is suffering the consequences we can be there to help him over come them and get back on the right path.

Of course as we laughed about the homework smoking we were able to ask them if we should be concerned. And while it didn't turn into a big anti smoking love fest they did express a disgust with actual smoking which made us feel much more comfortable.

It's like I planned this

You know how I wouldn't let Isabelle watch TV for a week this fall? It has been driving me crazy how much I let her watch tv, how incapable she seems to be about entertaining herself and how clueless I am about what to do about it. My main plan when we were not watching last fall was to come up with alternative things she could do. I sort of settled on coloring/painting and playdough. She needs me to set them up but they seem to entertain her for quite a while. So whenever I started to feel she was watching too much tv I would suggest one of these and she usually happily did them for a while.

Well all the sudden this week I am noticing that she is asking for those things over tv. In fact I was trying to get her to watch tv the other day so I could do some stuff and she didn't want to! Somehow we have turned a corner. She has learned to play on her own and enjoy her toys and really, really, really is obsessed with the new paints I bought her for her birthday.



This is what I remember from parenting Jake, you knock yourself out over a subject feeling like you are really just banging your head against the wall and then suddenly you look up and they have matured in the direction you were pointing them. It is funny how these lessons tend to stack up. I just commented on my SIL's weight loss blog this week about how the seemingly pointless one pound at a time all adds up and she will soon be at her goal. I told her it was an object lesson for parenting and a few days later here I am experiencing that exact lesson in my own life. It is these little triumphs that keep me going towards the bigger goal of raising godly children who will go out into the world and serve Him in whatever they do with their lives.

Up next: I tackle some 4 year old bible memory...Or teach her to clean her room...eat vegetables...stop whining...be patient...

Both Ends of the Same Stick

Some days you just have to laugh about having children nearly 11 years apart. Yesterday was one of those days that really reminds us of what we have done. The morning was spent with Isabelle at the community pre-school screening (which Isabelle referred to as "pre-school screaming") and in the evening John and I attended a parent meeting to learn how to register Jake for high school. (Tenth grade in our district.)

Isabelle was assessed to make sure she was progressing properly and would be ready for Kindergarten in a couple years. As soon as she heard me tell her where we were going she was beside herself with excitement. She went through each station doing great. Perfect hearing, perfect vision. They confirmed that she is short and thin. She sang the alphabet, counted to her mid teens, identified letters, repeated words, stacked blocks, identified colors and shapes. Then they asked her to hop on one foot. She can't do that, she can't skip either. She surprised me by catching a bean bag with 2 hands but just stood there watching it fall to the floor when they asked her to do it with one hand. I really wasn't surprised she couldn't do these things, she didn't walk until she was 20 months, this isn't her area of strength, and they weren't concerned about it either. However, I was a little surprised when they asked her to cut a straight line and she didn't even know how to hold the scissors. The very nice tester and I patiently watched as she struggled to get the job done, and done perfectly, despite the fact that she clearly had never been taught to use a scissors. Who knew this was a learned skill? I have been hiding the scissors for so long I forgot that she might eventually need to use them. Everyone tells me they learn this stuff in pre-school but home is her pre-school, so into my art drawer will need to go a scissors and some cutting paper.


John and I are always looking for fun and free things to do on date night so how perfect that the parent meeting landed on our usual night. We went from room to room learning about the options available to him for Math, Social Studies, Science, English and Foreign Language. Over coffee and tea afterward we discussed the pros and cons of AP level courses and which classes we wanted to encourage him to take AP and which classes we felt he could stick with the regular curriculum. Our school is a nationally rated school so they assure us that the regular classes are still challenging and vary only a little from the AP classes. Do you think all schools say that?


When I was in 10th grade I don't remember feeling like I needed to have an idea of what I was going to study in college yet as we sat thinking about how to proceed for the next 3 years it was clear that we needed to know. Jake actually has already informed us that he plans to go to seminary and become a missionary. Actually he is going to do ROTC for college and then enter the military as an army chaplain while fulfilling his requirements and then go on to the mission field. As much as it warms a mother's heart to think about him following through on this plan I realize the changes the next few years can bring as he becomes a man, however, hopefully it gives us a little insight into him as we make choices based on this current plan. He probably won't need particularly strong math or science skills to get into Seminary but likely will need some strong language and social studies skills. So these are the areas we are encouraging him to take the AP classes. He also wants to take a second foreign language, Latin. Also seems like a good one for Seminary. Unfortunately the language teacher said they have never had enough students sign up to actually have the class so he might have to take weight training as his elective class instead. :)


Pre-school and high school, all in a days work here with the Folly of My Youth and the Mid-Life Crisis.

Momisms

My sister and I enjoy quoting our mom. She has lots of little saying that got us through our childhood and now into our adult lives. She had the classics when we were kids like, "because I said so" but the ones that were just her are the bests. Two of our favorites continue to be in use today, "Well, I don't know what to tell you...". This is always followed by her admitting she did something that you are annoyed by. And, "I did what I had to do" which is usually preceded by her spending alot of money. Typically my dad hears them go together like this, "Well, I don't know what to tell you, I did what I had to do." And then she shows you her expensive new coach purse or tells him about the toy or outfit she just bought for one or all of her 10 grandchildren. (sorry mom I am telling your secrets.)

(I don't know what is wrong with my hair in this picture but sadly it was the best one I could find of us together.)

As fun as it is to use her momisms I have always wondered if I had my own and what my children would be laughing about when they were grown. Monday afternoon it hit me what one of them will be.

I had just gotten off work with Isabelle, it had been snowing all morning and it was time for lunch so we were getting a little grouchy. I had no food in the house so couldn't go straight home to hole up for the day but had to first hit the grocery store. I push the grocery cart into the parking lot and through the slushy snow to my car, grab a bag and go to open the door and start the car before putting Isabelle in. She starts yelling at me that I have forgotten her and she is still in the cart. (as if I could forget) I walk back to get her and say, "I am sorry but I can only do 12 things at once." Ha ha. That is it, "I can only do 12 things at once". I tell my kids that all the time when they are demanding things of me. I have been saying it since Jake was little. The moment it came out of my mouth Monday I knew it was one of my momisms.

So what is your momism? What do you say all the time? Don't be shy. Post a comment and tell me.