Learning to be hard working

Memorial day weekend is billed as a weekend to remember those who have served our country.  However, one trip to Home Depot will tell you it is actually national project-around-the-house weekend.

We have been TRYING to paint the exterior of our house for about a month now but it won't stop raining!  I am loosing my mind waiting to get it done so we can get our house on the market.  Today, despite the fact that it is supposed to rain all weekend, I insisted we start the prep work on the house.  I reason if we do that, the next time we have 2 rain free days in a row (which could be another week or more) all we have to do is slap the paint on the house.  The neighbors are used to seeing it look terrible, at least it will look terrible in a way that implies we might be planning to do something about it.  We were trying to hire someone to do it but at this point I don't think we are first in line to get painted and I cannot wait any longer.

That is my story and I am sticking to it.

My friend Jody who blogs at "even the sparrow" wrote a post this week about her work ethic, how she can't stop working and doing, projecting and accomplishing.  She needs to learn to sit and relax and let things go.  It was great and fun to read but I couldn't help but laugh.  I do not have this problem.  I never work too hard, push myself to far, nobody ever has to ask me to stop and relax, certainly not twice.  I wouldn't say I am lazy (well actually sometimes that is exactly what I say) but I rarely pursue extra work and am in no rush to get things done if no deadline is attached. However, knowing we have a lot to do I have determined to channel Jody this weekend and make it happen.

I went outside with my hubby and got started scraping the lower half of the house while he ran to Home Depot for a few supplies.  He wasn't back when I was done so I got up on the ladder and started working on the soffits which are where the peeling paint is really bad.  I kept working as he started taking down the storm windows and finding the putty for re-doing the windows.  But by the time I was 3/4 of the way around the house I was exhausted.  I went to sit down and watch him.  He was just running out of putty and preparing for his second trip to Home Depot.

We determined that cleaning up the paint scrapings needed to happen because he wasn't as convinced that the forecast from the local weather channel I was quoting was accurate and insisted it could rain at any moment. Sweeping up paint chips seemed much more doable than scraping paint over my head so I swept up the sidewalk and stoop.  Then I decided to pull all the weeds out of the garden next to the back door and then I pulled all the weeds from the vegetable garden I pretend to grow things in each year.  I thought this is what Jody would have done rather than sitting down and waiting for her husband to get back from Home Depot.  I was putting all my piles in the trash as he came home from the second Home Depot trip.  At this point I have been working in the yard for nearly 4 hours.

Now as John returns to glazing the windows I am asking myself, "What would Jody do?"  I am sure she would go and finish that last 1/4 of the scraping of the house and then grab the brushes and start washing the siding while the weather is still dry and the sun is still up.  I, on the other hand, want to pass out in a corner somewhere.

As I sit there watching John while wondering if I can ever move again I realize there is something else Jody is good at...taking pictures!  So I took a few to share with you.  Then maybe I will drink one more big glass of water and finish up the scraping.  And when I am laying on the couch in front of the tv tonight I can say to myself, "see, doesn't it feel good to lay around knowing the scraping of the house is done?"

The soffits were pretty bad.  I estimate the house hasn't been painted in 15-20 years.  Do not let your house get this bad!

Finally got all the weeds and last years dead stuff cleared up to enjoy the last days of my tulips.  

Random:  That towel hanging out of John's back pocket was a wedding gift.

This is the can where John puts the screws from the windows as he takes them down.  This makes me happy.

The front of the house where I have already scraped, the front isn't nearly as bad as the back.

From the ladder to the end of the house and then around the garage door.  That is basically all that is left.  I can do it!

While this spring has been a bit depressing with all the rain, I know it must be here because the back door is rarely shut now that the weather has warmed up.

This is my new gazebo free patio, not sure yet how to arrange the furniture.  Suggestions welcome.

What Isabelle is doing while we work outside. (she is holding our tablet, watching netflix)

Life is happening

I haven't posted in a while and I thought, just to keep everyone from leaving me, I would throw out an update on my life.  Because I know you just can't go on one more day without knowing what is happening in Melanie's life.

Jake:
The big update is that Jake is home!  Done with his first year of college and hanging with us for a few months.

I had originally planned to drive down on Saturday, stay overnight so we could attend Church of the Resurrection with him, and head home.  Rez, as it is called, is the church where Jake has been attending and the church which planted our church.  They just moved into a new building and I wanted to see it.  But then I get a call that he has to be out of his dorm by Friday at 5pm.  Finals end on Thursday!  I guess they don't want any loitering once they are done with school.  So we were on the road by 7am on Friday and arrived with the boxes to pack up his stuff about an hour before he was scheduled to check out.  He was running the vacuum through his room 5 after his check out time which I felt was pretty good.  We laughed at how well the school set up his roommate situation because they were both still spread all over the room when we arrived.  Dual procrastinators.  We lit a fire under them and made it happen.  John managed to use every inch of space in the back of the truck to pack everything.  So tight nothing could possibly move.

Jake is not returning to Wheaton next year.  In fact he is not going back to school at all next year.  While I am sad to see him leave Wheaton I realize at this point in his life it is the right thing to do.  We are calling it a gap year although it has the potential to be less or more.  We are hoping to better define this gap year with him this summer but right now its purpose is a little vague.

I am not going to lie to you, I am having to swallow some pride here.  It is so much more fun to tell people your son is going to Wheaton than it is going to be to tell them he is not in school at all.  But this decision isn't about me, it is about Jake and the choices he is making.  His need to find his purpose and figure out what he wants and where he needs to be.

Isabelle setting up her space for the drive to Chicago.

Mid morning nap, we got her up pretty early.

The last picture of Jake with the sign.

Yep he was wearing that kilt when we arrived and all the way home.

We are enjoying having Jake around.  He starts the first of what will hopefully become 2 jobs on Monday so we called this week a vacation week for him and I tried not to be too bothered by the number of hours he spent watching YouTube videos.  So far he has been fun to have around.  Last summer was a bit stressful so we are all calling this summer a do over.

House:
The house still isn't on the market but hopefully will be by the end of the week.  We were on our way to a spotless house a couple weeks ago but realized the carpet downstairs and the paint outside were both to a level beyond salvaging or overlooking.  So we threw it all on hold to re carpet and paint the exterior.  The new carpet comes on Monday morning.  The exterior is still up in the air.  We couldn't get it done last week when the weather was great and now it is supposed to rain half the week this week.  One way or another we will make it happen by next weekend and be on the market.  As I am watching the houses in our neighborhood I am confident it will be sold within 2 weeks, maybe less.

I have started mourning leaving our house in some ways but over and over I get confirmation that this is the right move for us.  The closer we get to selling and possibly moving into my parents house the more nervous I get about where our next house will be.  I love my parents and would like to still feel that way about them by the end of the summer.  A month or two sounds doable, 6 months would be a problem.  The houses in our price range are sort of all over the place and sell very quickly.  So likely our future home isn't on the market yet and won't be until potentially after we close on this house.  God is teaching me patience.

And just like it is more fun to tell people my son goes to Wheaton, it is more fun to tell people we live in a big house in an upper bracket community than I imagine it will be to tell them we live in a fixer upper in a bad neighborhood.  God is definitely working on my pride and humility this summer.

Car:
Several years ago, shortly after Isabelle was born, John took a desk job.  At the time his truck was on its last leg and so we started shopping for cars.  Since he was giving up his truck for a more practical car he wanted something fun to drive as a replacement.  He started looking at BMWs.  I humored him but was rolling my eyes wondering why I would buy a car 5-10 years older than anything else I could get in my price range with more miles.  Then he dragged me along for a test drive.  And I got it.  I still thought it was crazy and wouldn't buy one but at least I understood why he wanted one.  They are nice to drive.

As you may know, it is adventures in cheap cars at our house all the time.  Last fall went from 5 vehicles down to a reasonable 2.  Sold the broken plow truck, the plow truck that worked great, the work van and my mini van.  We bought an Envoy for John to drive around and I went into the 300M Jake had been driving.  With the extra money from the sales we did some maintenance on the 2 vehicles we had and kept about $600 to buy something for Jake to drive when he came home for the summer.  Being seasoned pros at buying cheap cars we figured we could buy something for $500 in the spring and sell it for $500 in the fall.  Just the cost of gas and insurance for the summer.

Of course ideas and implementation are two very different things.  So finding something for $500 that "runs and drives" was proving to be a little more challenging than we had anticipated.  We started looking up to $800.  John found a few worth looking at but nobody seemed in a rush to get back to him or have him out to look at the cars they had for sale. We were getting discouraged.  Finally Friday comes and Jake is planning to spend the weekend with a friend and then go to work Monday morning.  This would be impossible without a car because we each had separate plans as well.  So now we are on panic buy day.  But there, new listing on Friday, is a 5 speed, 96 BMW for $500.  John quickly calls, discovers 3 others are coming later in the day to look at it and goes running out the door with Jake in tow in an attempt to be the first one there.  They arrive, drive it, can't believe what a great deal the guy is selling it for and buy it.  Dream come true!  Jake  had wanted to learn to drive a manual, seems like a rite of passage when you are young, and John always tries to buy manuals when he buys new cars, he loves them.  So now, while Jake does get it for the summer, I suspect my car will be on the block in the fall and John will have the BMW he has been dreaming of for years.  Frankly, I have been trying to figure out how to get into the Envoy since we bought it so that works for me!

Super fun to drive

I am calling this car a love note from God.  As I look at houses in our price range I am essentially looking for a $500 car, they are out there but they aren't pretty, don't all run and drive and in general can be more discouraging than encouraging.  This little red BMW looks just like a beautiful valentine from God reassuring us that He is on the detail.  He will provide exceedingly, abundantly for us as we walk in obedience with Him.

And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.  2 Cor 9:8

My word of the year is "Watch" and this past week I really saw God work.

Isabelle:
She continues to be cute.  We are a month from finishing 2nd grade.  Life is good.

She always cracks me up.  Here are some pictures from mid April.  We were all desperate for a warm up.  So on this mid 30 degree day she was out barefoot.  It is good to be a kid.

I'm not cold.

These were here for several days after.  We thought it would never warm up and stop snowing in MN this year!

 Since the warm up finally arrived she has been outside quite a bit.  She learned to ride her bike in about 1 minute on Mother's day and has been riding up and down the alley ever since.  Life is good when you are a kid and nature is calling.

Me and John:
We continue to work hard figuring things out.  John completed his 4th semester with a 4.0 and will officially have a 2 year degree.  We are working on finalizing getting him into the University of Minnesota for the fall.  In the mean time we are both working hard trying to figure out how to make some money.  I have been doing a lot of training for my new real estate career and am itching to get out there and start making money.  John has a couple small projects lined up for the summer and is working on getting a job with an ER for the fall.  It is stressful some days but we are in it together and still excited to get up each morning and discover what God has for us.  "see I am doing a new thing!" 

It is a full life here but a good life. I am learning to appreciate the little moments and simply experience the life God has put before me.

Strength in Weakness

I've been thinking, which you know means trouble or at least a blog post...

I know my life has been stressful this past year, or two, or three, or...anyway, our life has been very full and we are in the process of making it even fuller for the next few months.  In my mind this move will make our life simpler and more relaxed. While it will do that in some areas, we will bring most of the fullness of life with us wherever we go.

This past week I was confronted with an interesting reality, other people have full busy and at times stressful lives too. It isn't just me.  Their stress may be different, what I am struggling with might be going just fine in their world while what they are struggling with is going just fine in mine, but we are all struggling. Somehow I find comfort in this.

When it is just me and everyone else is making it happen then my struggles feel like failures.  Everyone else knows what they are doing but I am screwing up.  I am lame and clueless and have nothing to offer in the world.  Big "L" on my forehead.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Cor 12:9-10

 In my weakness I have strength.  "When I am weak, then I am strong."  I don't know about you but that is very reassuring in my life.  Since I am weak a lot.  I mess up a lot.  Yet, "I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties."  In downsizing, in job changes, in parenting challenges, in car problems, in potholes in the road, in dirty carpet, in a day I never got around to combing my hair, in too much gossiping, in too much pride, in control issues, in undisciplined days, in missed opportunities, in mistake  after mistake after mistake.  I delight in my weaknesses, "for when I am weak, then I am strong".

How were you strong today?

It is time for spring

It is a lovely spring day to day in Minnesota.  Finally!  I have been thinking for a few weeks that if I shoveled away the snow I might find some tulips pushing through the dirt despite the cold.  Today I looked out and discovered they hadn't just pushed through the dirt, they have now pushed through the snow.

Of course I pushed aside some leaves near our grill and found out that the weeds have also arrived.  Why are they always so much more enthusiastic and resilient than the stuff I actually want?

This picture was taken on April 8th last year.  Not sure I will even see this by May 8th this year.

But who knows, upper 70's in our forecast.  My optimistic attitude is at an all time high today

Happy Spring!.

Family Collage

We are getting ready to put our house on the market.  I don't know what your house is like but for us this is a project.  I have a girlfriend who has sold several houses.  They spend one weekend straightening closets and cleaning and they are ready to roll.  That is not how we live.  Not that the house is dirty, there are just a few unfinished projects always lurking.  And we aren't great an preventative maintenance so there are a few rooms that need paint, leaky faucets that need to be replaced, and a couple cabinet doors to put on.  Plus, contractors tend to accumulate contract materials.  So our storage room/work room/garage is a little over run with hardwood flooring, old sinks, doors, paint, shower pans, etc.  Things we might want someday so we toss in the corner.  But now we need it all gone.  Or at least out of the way...So we are also looking at dumpster options.

Those things are on John's punch list and he is busy working through it.  My list is more about purging, straightening closets and packing up superfluous items throughout our house.  This week I was in Jake and Isabelle's rooms.  I try to let my kids rooms be a reflection of who they are.  

Part of the wall in Jake's room.

Jake was 8 when we moved here.  About a year before we bought this house I did a big room makeover at the old house including painting one of the walls to look like a cabin.  We were going for that nature room look.  It was great but a lot of work.  The new room was bigger and I couldn't get excited for that level of detail.  So he ended up with a similar paint color on the walls and some framed prints of wild animals.  There is his foundation.  Jake slowly started adding to his wall like it was a giant cork board.  I think the first thing he added to his wall was a group picture from a jr high camp he went on.  Then some scout patches that didn't go on the uniform.  When he started being part of school plays his stars and pictures from that went up, wrestling posters, and his Kenyan souvenirs.  His room would never have been in a magazine but I loved it, it was like a timeline of his youth.

No pictures of the door. :(

Isabelle's room was born a nursery.  It is still a dark pink color that I love and think has transitioned out of the preschool years nicely but she thinks is too baby.  Like Jake she made her mark on a room that started out perfectly styled by mom.  She discovered stickers and tape around age 4 and would confiscate pictures of herself and people she loved to tape to the wall.  One day she stuck an entire sheet of butterfly stickers to the floor near the door.  They stuck tight and became a fluttering entrance to her space.  And then there was her door.  It started with name stickers.  If she came home with a name sticker on her back it would likely end up on her door.  Then she discovered my label maker and the alphabet went up.  When she learned to spell a few phrases followed.  And then a sheet of pet shop stickers.  I believe some of her cousins helped contribute to the collage over the years as well.  And it became a door that announced Isabelle and put her mark on her space.

Those marks are gone, Jake's walls are bare and the many holes patched.  Isabelle's stickers have been scraped off and thrown away.  And I grieved a little as I scraped and packed.

I stood in Jake's room today.  Walls bare and ready for paint, all his stuff packed and piled in the middle of the room and was ready for a wave of grief to hit me, but it never came. I realized it was just a room.  We may be leaving this space behind but we aren't leaving him behind.

We raise our children to leave us.  To move out and start lives of their own.  While the releasing can be hard, seeing them go out into the world and begin a life of their own is the goal of parenting.  Leaving our home doesn't have to mean leaving our family or disappearing from our lives.

As Jake goes off to start a life of his own, John and I are going on to a new life as well.  

When I married and left home my parents stayed put.  Same jobs, same home, same life.  They did turn my room into an office but everything else from my childhood stayed pretty much the same.  My youth always sitting there waiting for me to go visit.  By the time my parents finally left I was well established in my own life and was ready to see them go out and have a new adventure.

As we were packing up the house I worried I would never feel at home in their new place, worried I was loosing home.  Yet from the moment they moved in it has felt like they have always been there, and the whole family has always been a part of it.  

It turns out it isn't about a place or stuff. It is about the people, family traditions and the unconditional, unchanging love for each other we take wherever we go.

Isabelle will follow us to a new home and make her mark. It won't be the mark of an immature toddler but of a maturing young woman.  She will tack the timeline of her youth to the walls of her new room.  Jake however probably won't make any significant mark on our next house.  He will be there, he will be with us this summer and hopefully a few more weekends and summers in the future but his room will only be a stop over place from now on, not a place to set down roots and make a mark.  Yet his presence in the house will be significant because no matter where he goes he will always be a part of our traditions, the life we lead and what defines us as a family.

So we may peel up the stickers from Isabelle's floor and take down the pictures nailed to Jake's wall but you can never remove the memories of their childhood from our hearts.  As we go forward we will add new experiences and create new traditions in new places.  Jake and Isabelle will find new walls to make their marks and post the new memories.  But in our hearts will be the full family history, past, present, future; a beautiful collage of who we have been, who we are and who we are becoming.

There is no rushing the end of winter

My mind is confused this morning.  I looked out the window to see it snowing.  I was watching hopelessly out the window when I saw a flash of light followed moments later by a clap of thunder.  Did that really happen?  A snowstorm and thunderstorm happening simultaneously?  Welcome to spring in Minnesota.

Winter is always a struggle here in MN.  It is long, cold and spring doesn't come til the last possible moment.  Most winters I try to create positive attitude momentum in the late fall to catipult me into the spring.  Cold Aprils are always a challenge but usually I muster a little hope and remember it isn't much longer.

This year a challenging fall sucked up all our energy and we entered winter without much momentum.  Thus I sit here in April feeling like this has been a very, very, very long winter.  There has been a lot of complaining on facebook and for some that may be helpful but I have decided to have something of an out of body experience regarding winter this year and simply refuse to acknowledge it good or bad.  I am in survival mode.  I am afraid if I do start complaining I will get sucked down into a hole so deep I might not notice when spring finally does arrive.  I'm not putting a fake happy face on winter I just refuse to engage in its bad behavior.

Basically I am just trying to patiently wait for it to be over. 

I was looking out the window at the tire swing this morning.  I have looked out the window at my tire swing many times over the years.  I have seen it trapped in place by snow that rose up to meet it, seen the dip in the snow where it pushed the snow out of its way as it swayed back and forth, seen it hanging over a light dusting of snow.  And I have seen it soaking up a summer sun, getting blown around in a spring storm.  My children have jumped off it into a pile of fall leaves.  I have gone out and let it rock me back and forth on a warm summer day.

When I look out the window on a day like today I don't just see my tire swing in its depressing state and feel despare, I see the summer that came before and is sure to come again.  It might not look good at the moment but it won't be long now.

And I think about life, about the ups and downs of life, the good and the bad.  Winter may feel long this year but it will come to an end.  I may want to go shovel all the snow off my flower beds and take the hair dryer to the bushes in my front yard encouraging them to start budding.  I want to DO something, take action, be in control of the end of this winter and the beginning of spring and summer.

But I can't, I have no control over the weather.  I can only wait, watch and trust God to turn all this waiting into something beautiful in perfect time.

While it is easy to see that I can't control the weather and so therefore take a stance of guarded but patient waiting, there are so many other areas of my life I struggle to accept the fact that I do not have control.  As crazy as taking a hair dryer to my bushes in an attempt to make spring come sounds, sometimes in life I try to do the same thing in other areas.

Right now I want my house on the market.  It makes me want to just rush through the process, move the furniture over the spots on the rug, shove clutter into closets and slap a sloppy coat of paint on the exterior of the house.  How can I hide and rush all these projects?  But taking short cuts now leads to problems in the future, longer waits for an offer and problems when inspections come.  Better to wait, do it right.  Move through the process and come to the end in God's perfect timing.

Same with relationships.  You can't restore a relationship over night or with one conversation.  You can't force people to like you or forgive you.  It is slow patient action one day at a time. I want to rush the process, and then I want to get mad when the other person isn't on board with me but, that isn't how it works.  There is no warming up the bushes in a snowstorm.  You just have to wait for it to be over and for God to naturally melt the snow and wake up the branches.

So this long winter is like many things in life.  Not exactly what I want or the way I want it but just what God has at this moment.  And just like winter eventually ends and is followed by the magical Minnesota summer, so those trials in life eventually come to an end and leave us with the blessings God prepares for us while we wait.

A Slave to Righteousness

Several years ago, a year or two before Isabelle was born, we went to see the Newsboys in concert at the Minnesota state fair.  The concert included Go Fish, before they were a kids group, and New Song.  It was a great and memorable concert although it didn't start that way.  When this outdoor concert started it was pouring rain.  POURING.  We managed to sneak up to some empty seats under the upper deck until it stopped but so many people sat in the pouring rain listening to Go Fish start us out.  I would have left.  Random about me:  The only thing that makes me crankier than being cold is being wet and cold.  Luckily I didn't get too wet and since it was August, once the rain stopped it warmed up and I dried off and managed to pull myself together.

We love all 3 bands and the whole concert was fantastic but the most memorable part was at the end of the concert.  The album "Adoration" had just come out and we ended the evening all singing the chorus "Holy, holy is our God almighty.  Holy, holy is his name alone." Over and over and over and over.  At first it was fine.  You sing it a couple times without thinking about it, then you are still singing so you think about it and acknowledge it is good.  But after that you are still singing and it starts to feel awkward, how much longer are we going to repeat this chorus?  Until it happens, you let go and let it become part of you and experience the power of God's presence as you sing of his holiness.

This past week I had the same experience with a passage of scripture.  I read Romans 6 every day for a week.   My friend Jen had written this post for Easter.  We had been discussing the editing process of the post and so she sent me her original draft as well for discussion.  In her first draft she had suggested reading Romans 6 every day for a week after Easter as one of her tips.  I like direction and had just finished reading John so I figured I would see what God might have to say in this passage.

I find that scripture speaks to me different depending on what is going on in my life. This passage is about the fact that we are no longer slaves to sin because of Christ's resurrection.  The first couple days I really had to concentrate on the readings because it made me think about other people who have sin issues!  Way easier to see others sin than my own.

The third day I decided to map it out a little.  On the one hand the chapter doesn't seem that complicated but on the other hand it is really complicated.  I kept feeling like if I could track the conversation better I would know what was going on.  Here is my summary.  (click here to read the passage in the bible first.)

1-We are no longer sinners because our sin died with Christ.  No guilt, we are forgiven and our sin is forgotten.

2-We are free from sin. It no longer controls us.  We are no longer slaves to sin.--yet for some reason we keep going back to it.

3-Because of the resurrection and our share in it we live with Christ.  Death does not control us, Jesus died for our sins, we cannot die again for them.  Our future with Christ is secure.

4-Therefore (As Chuck Swindoll says, whenever you see a therefore ask yourself what is is there for.)  Therefore (see 1-3), we offer ourselves over to God.  Don't pursue sin, pursue righteousness.  Don't let sin control you, sin is not your master.  I am under the law of grace.

5-We are not free to sin because we are forgiven through grace, we have chosen obedience to God and are now slaves to righteousness.--I realized here we end up slaves either way, will we chose sin or righteousness.

6-Offer yourself to God as you used to offer yourself to sin.  Sin leads to death but obedience and righteousness lead to holiness and eternal life.

That was day 3, the day I started thinking about my own sin.  And the day in the song progression where you have moved beyond just singing for singing and realize it is a good song.  But now you want it to be over, yet day 4 comes and I am still singing!  What else is there to say about this passage?

v13, "Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to Him as instruments of righteousness, for sin shall not be your master because you are not under the law but under grace."

On the surface of this verse, day 1-3, I don't think about offering my body to sin.  I am not a prostitute, I don't do drugs, only have the occasional glass of wine, I don't steal, I don't go seeking out sin, I am not standing on the corner asking sin to come my way.  Clearly this does not apply to me.  But then day 4 comes along and God has you just where he wants you.

On day 4 I was feeling a little stressed about a work situation and right here in my living room God nails me with the truth that my stress is the offering of my body to sin.  Really I was stressed because of fear I was experiencing at a maybe event in the future.  If I am now a slave to righteousness I don't need to fear because whatever happens God will be there.  As a matter of fact God repeated this message to me this morning when our pastor talking about saying to ourselves, "what's the worst that could happen?" said maybe the real question is, "how will God's grace meet me if the worst happened?"

v 16,"Don't you know when you offer yourselves to someone to obey you are slaves to the one you obey--whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?"

Point 5 above comes from this, we are slaves one way or another, do we want to be slaves to sin or righteousness?  Satan or God?  Personally, I choose God.

v20, When you were slaves to sin you were free from control of righteousness." 

Day 6 had me asking the question, "is this what our culture really wants?"  Freedom from control of righteousness?  This is the moment in that repetitive singing that God really became present.  Seeing the world the way He does.  Watching people choose to be slaves to sin because they think that is freedom when really our freedom comes when we choose Christ.  Paul, the writer of Romans, asks "What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death!"  What I see today is people who are not ashamed of their sin but proud of it.  Yet don't understand or won't accept that those actions lead to death.  How hard that is to see and accept.

v23, "for the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

What is my summary at the end of this week?  I am a sinner.  I don't want to be a slave to sin but I keep offering myself right back up to it.  As I thought about all the people in my life that look to me for encouragement, children, family, friends and strangers I meet throughout my day, I wondered how I, as sinner, could have anything to offer.  The truth is I have nothing to offer but Christ in me.  And the best way to ensure people will meet Him through me is to be constantly seeking to know Him better.  And what I realized is that the moment I start thinking I have this whole sin/righteousnes thing all wrapped up, I stagnate, I can't know Christ better when I refuse to see my sin.  Every day I must offer myself a new as a slave to righteousness rather than sin.

This Easter I heard a new song I just love.  The bridge is, "O Death, where is your sting? O hell, where is your victory?  I choose to be a slave to righteousness and death has lost its sting.  Alleluia.