I will sing with joy

I thought I would share a little update on our life.  This year my word is "joy".  I always think I will write more on the topic of my word of the year than I do.  I am easily distracted and even briefly considered changing my word a few weeks ago unsure this was the right word.  But as I reflect this has been a good word for our year.  We are nearing the 1/2 way point of the year, amazingly, and it has been a joyful year so far.  As we have transitioned away from the trials and stress of 2013 our joy and passion has increased.  We are more relaxed and happier than we have been in a long time.

That isn't to say there isn't still stress, but it is less and it is manageable and we see a light at the end of the tunnel.  Plus, who doesn't have some stress in their lives?  If I woke to find I had absolutely no stress in my life I would probably come to the conclusion that I was dead.  In this life there will always be tension because there is always a fight between good and evil going on around us.   But we can have joy anyway because we know who will win that fight.  We trust Him to take care of us as we walk the hard roads.

So we have joy as John continues with school.  After a rough start to his academic career at the University of Minnesota lasts fall, his winter/spring semester has gone much better, back on track.  That said we are going to look at him possibly transferring to a smaller school next fall.  There are pros and cons to making a move with only 1 year left until graduation.  We are also considering slowing down his progress a little next year to ease the schedule.  He is either looking at 2 very challenging semesters until graduation or 3 doable semesters.  And then on to grad school!  We are calling this the half way point of our education journey and we feel more committed to it now than when we started.  We also have joy because this is the first semester since he started we did not have one of those overwhelmed break down fights where we wonder if this is all really worth it.  We are working together now and becoming comfortable with the craziness of our lives.

We have joy because I am busy with work.  Both my part time self-storage job and my real estate are keeping me on my toes.  As much as I still lament the loss of days spent in my pj's until noon doing housework, writing blog posts and chatting with friends, I am enjoying the challenge of my days and learning a new routine.

We have joy because Isabelle has joy.  She is a happy kid enthusiastic about life.  She does have wild hormonal mood swings to keep us alert but overall she is fun and joyful.  I enjoy spending time with her.  It is interesting to raise a second child.  Jake and I were so much a like we had a very comfortable, easy relationship and I always felt like I understood him.  Isabelle is totally different and I practically never feel like I understand her, but it is so fun to be with her, to listen and figure her out.  I am learning to encourage, motivate and love her in a way she understands and appreciates.  Parenting is challenging but an invigorating challenge.  And as our life has been insane and our time together limited I am often surprised by how much she does love us and wants to spend time with us.  We are blessed by her presence in our life.

Mostly I have joy because each morning I get up and seek the Lord.  He directs my thoughts and my path, gives me strength and peace.  It is a habit developed over many years that I guard tightly because without it my days just aren't the same.

Ps 59:16-17But as for me, I will sing about your power.    Each morning I will sing with joy about your unfailing love.For you have been my refuge,    a place of safety when I am in distress.

O my Strength, to you I sing praises,    for you, O God, are my refuge,    the God who shows me unfailing love.

Morning Stroll

As I sit outside this morning I looked up to see a male and female mallard walking across one of the bridges in my courtyard.  It was an adorable scene that begged me to jump up, grab my phone and photograph it to share on facebook.  In this social media crazed world, which I truly enjoy participating in, our first thought is to share it with others.  And there really is something great about that.  About being able to share our lives with others, to be able to see and experience things with friends near and far.  Really, I want to be clear, I love social media.

But in that moment, as I was about to jump up and capture it for all to see I stopped.  Because the down side of becoming a reporter for the world is that sometimes we completely miss experiencing the moment for ourselves.  So I continued sitting still and watching these two companions come across the bridge, walk across the grass, pause on a path near a second bridge to enjoy the view.  They weren't in a hurry, seemed to have nowhere to be but here in this moment, in this place, together.  And for a few minutes I got to join them, share in their contented morning stroll and enjoy this place God put me today.  Eventually the waddled off out of my sight to carry on with their day and I had to get up and begin my day.  But for a moment, I got to stop the crazy of life with Mr. and Mrs. Mallard and just be present.

It was nice.  So, although I still don't have a picture, I decided to share it.  After I was done experiencing it.

God's Perfect Timing

Yesterday was Easter and it was sunny.  I have often noticed that no matter what stage of winter/spring we are having here in Minnesota, on Easter Sunday it is always sunny.  I think God does that on purpose.  Except last year, I specifically remember thinking, "Um God, Hello, it is Easter, where is your sun?"  But this year not only was it sunny but it was also WARM, which we really have not had for a long time.  6 months really.  Seriously, we have not had warm weather for 6 MONTHS.  But yesterday it was glorious, 70 degrees, beautiful blue skies.  I did not wear a coat, stood outside talking to friends while the kids did an easter egg hunt after church, sat on my parents deck after lunch, sat on my own patio until well past dinner time dragging myself in to feed the family.  Glorious.  If only every day the weather was that perfect...

This morning as I was writing out my prayer I thanked God for bringing the good weather in his perfect timing.  But then I thought about that.  While bringing perfect weather on Easter Sunday is perfect timing, couldn't we have had a nice ramp up to perfectly timed perfect weather?  While I truly believe that God makes everything perfect in his perfect timing, it just got me thinking about the wait before the perfect timing.  Because I think that a month ago the timing would have been pretty perfect too.

This was a LONG winter.  And that isn't to say that throughout the winter I didn't know spring would come, it always does.  Frankly, knowing spring would eventually come was what got me through winter.  But did knowing it would come in God's perfect timing make it any easier?  Make me long for the warmth any less?

Maybe it is just me but somehow when I think of the phrase, "All in God's perfect timing" I feel like the underlying message is:  Therefore stop being unhappy where you are at, stop wishing for something you don't have, stop thinking about the future, stop...just stop.  So as I think about spring coming in God's perfect timing this year and look back on how miserable I have felt about the weather the last couple months I immediately feel guilty for not being content and trusting in God's perfect timing.

But then I wonder.  Does knowing God works all things out in his perfect timing, in his perfect way, mean I am not allowed to be miserable in a miserable situation?  Does it mean I am not allowed to want for the better?  For warm weather, for improved relationships, for financial security?  Why do I think that because God takes care of everything I am not allowed to desire.  When it is ridiculously cold and miserable outside am I not allowed to experience that?

I don't think that is right at all.  We are called to be content in all situations but lately I have been learning that a desire for better does not automatically mean I am discontent.  I can work to improve my life without being discontent with where it is right now.  Or I can work to improve my life while being discontentment with where I am right now.  Two vastly different experiences will follow.  Somehow this truth seems so simple and obvious that I should have figured it out long before I was in my 40's.  Yet I continue to learn and grow...all in God's perfect timing.  So while I did have a couple days this winter of despairing discontentment over the weather, overall I was content to just walk through each day knowing God would work it out in his perfect timing.  Whether I liked that particular timing or not.

If you need me for the next few months you can find me here, feeling content, enjoying the blessing of warm weather and soaking up the joy of spring and summer to contentedly get me through another cold and miserable winter next year.

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Phil 4:12-13

"But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."  Is 40:31

Crazy Busy but Wonderful

When I was a homemaker I read a lot of books on planning, time management, organization, leadership, etc.  At the time it was because I was running a household, helping John run a small business, helping with church ministry, raising children.  I thought I was busy and needed to get control over these areas of my life so I could stay on top of everything. And really, I did.  If I hadn't had a plan it would have been a mess.

But now that I am working and running a household, starting a small business and raising a daughter, while my husband is in school full time and working I really need those books.  I have read even more books and web sites the past couple years on time management and organization from a working perspective.  And I am trying to figure out our life and how to plan so everything still gets done.

It is a juggling act.  I am slowly figuring out what is important and what can wait.  I am re-discovering the importance of a to-do list in keeping me on track.  However, what I have not figured out is how to re-arrange the schedule when something comes up.  I realize now how much margin I had in my life when I was a homemaker compared to now.  This week was a good but full week.  I had meetings, appointments, time with friends, time for paperwork and time to run a couple errands all scheduled in.

Then I got sick.

I am not really that sick, just a cold, but I wanted to be sure I slept well Tuesday night so I took some nyquil before bed.  I forget how sensitive I am to drugs, I should not have done that.  While I was sickest Wednesday I could have pressed forward, I have been much sicker and worked, but I couldn't push out of my nyquil fog.  I slept until after 1pm and it was another couple hours and some food before I finally was able to get in the shower so I could meet clients at 5pm.  I might have tried to run my errands after that meeting but we were having one of those not so unusual April snow storms and all I wanted to do was get back home.

The problem is I literally do not have another free moment to run errands again until Saturday.  And while we have food and John can wait 2 more days to shave his head, I had planned to buy Easter cards to send my son and daughter-in-law so they received them before Easter.  I could have sent them on Thursday and possibly still gotten them on time but Saturday...Definitely will be a late Easter gift.

Now this is hardly an end of the world problem.  I suppose if it was I would have stayed out in the snow storm wednesday night and got it done.  But what it reminds me of is how little margin I have in my life right now.

One day at a time as I slowly begin to get organized and make a plan I am seeing how all those books on being an organized homemaker, all those classes on time management I took when I had lots of time to manage are now so relevant and helpful in my life as I learn to find that time and create a little margin.  I am thankful for the stage of my life where I had time to learn to organize my time.

And as I am praying for revival in my family, starting with me, I love how even something like managing your time is a topic God has addressed.  Yesterday I was reading in Prov 16 (on April 16, get it?):

"To man belong the plans of the heart but from the Lord comes the reply of the tongue." v1"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." v3"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."v9"Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed." 15:22 (from the 15th reading.)

As I sit down this weekend to finally catch my breath, after running those set aside errands, and start making plans for next week, I am reminded to let the Lord look over my plans and continue walking forward with Him through this crazy busy but wonderful stage of life we are in.

Jonah and Revival

The past few weeks we have had a sermon series on Jonah at church.  Excellent as always.  It is a fascinating book which includes a fantastical tale of a man living in a fish for 3 days and 3 nights.  A man called by God who runs away from that call.  A man who sees there is no way out, confesses his sin, is released from his fishy captivity and goes to fulfill God's call on his life.

When Jonah gets there I really don't imagine a ton of enthusiasm in his message.  Nineveh isn't a place of God.  It is filled with sinful people living sinful lives.  That is sort of the whole reason God is going to destroy it and the whole reason Jonah didn't want to go in the first place.  I sort of imagine him wandering the city square muttering under his breath, "the end is near, the end is near".  No call to repentance since he did not believe nor want God to save them.  He wandered over to the temple, preached his message with no engaging stories or convicting finger pointing.  Just your basic, "you are all a bunch of sinners and God is going to destroy you" message and then sitting back down.  He did this while waiting for God to do the deed.  I imagine he planned to smile smugly at their destruction, knowing they deserved it, God said so, and head back where he came from.

But this crazy thing happened.  The people heard him, believed, and turned to God.  Confessed their sins and begged for mercy.  And then!  THEN!  To Jonah's horror, God accepted their confession, forgave them and called off the destruction plan!  Can you imagine?

So Jonah had a little tantrum, God tried to give him an object lesson and the book is over.

And we tell this story to our children in Sunday School lessons and in little story books and in veggie tales movies.

I sort of relate to Jonah.  I mean God makes a very big deal of sending him to warn Nineveh of its destruction.  He goes around telling everyone God is going to destroy the city and then God makes him look like a fool by changing his mind!

I hate looking stupid.  Seriously hate it.  So while I can look at this overall story and see how ridiculous Jonah was being about the whole thing, if I step in and stand in his shoes, I get it.

This week I have been thinking about times in my life where I really felt like I was following God's call and in the end things didn't go they way I expected.  And I am standing there looking a little foolish and wondering what I did wrong.  Did I hear wrong?  Do I know God at all?  I shrink back to my corner hoping nobody noticed and vow not to make any bold statements again.  Who am I to know the mind of God?  I will just hang back and watch life play out, no need to be a player, just observe and lick my wounds.

But maybe, MAYBE, it wasn't that I heard God wrong but that circumstances changed.  Maybe I don't know God's full plan.

I suspect that God's message all along, what He sent Jonah to do, was a call to repentance.  While he was prepared to destroy Nineveh His ultimate goal was to bring them back into fellowship with Him.  And the people fully did so. If Jonah had a heart for the things of God rather than being more aware of his own desires and actions, he might have seen the truth and been able to rejoice with God and the people of Nineveh.  If he was really paying attention and looking at his life he might have even put on sackcloth of his own and fasted and prayed alongside the Ninevites.

I am reminded that God's plans are bigger than my plans.  He sees the whole picture, knows the hearts of an entire city.  I can only see my very limited and earthly view of things.  Will I be like Jonah and hold a grudge against people never letting them change or reach out to God?  Will I go sit in the desert and demand God bring them destruction?  Or will I join God in his work?  Rejoice when I see repentance and trust that His plans, His ways are far above my own.

I have been thinking about praying for revival this week.  And I was reminded of a story I first read in the book, "The Circle Maker" of a man who drew a circle on the ground, sat down inside and asked God to create a revival inside that circle.  Revival starts with us.  Any revival I want to see must start with me.  And it starts with confessing our sins and submitting ourselves to God's purposes.

That is what I am doing this week because while I may relate to Jonah, I don't want to be Jonah.

Care to join me?  Here are a couple great articles I found to help get me started:

How to Have a Personal Revival
Preparation for Personal Revival

My brown Kitchen

This is a random post I should probably save for our anniversary but when I get an idea for a post I just go with it.  Maybe I will re-post it for our anniversary.

Weddings are wonderful for many reasons.  Love, family, celebration.  But on the practical side, they are great for setting up homemaking.  It would have been a challenge for John and I to buy everything we needed in the kitchen, bedroom, bathroom and general home decor. With a wedding and a couple showers we had everything we needed and more.  Many of our wedding gifts have long been used up, worn out, broken or gone out of fashion and left the behind.  We have slowly replaced bedding, towels, dishes, knives, utensils, candle holders, etc over the years.  However, as I wander our home I find a few treasures still here from that outpouring of love from family and friends on our special day.

I didn't pull out every single thing but you get the idea.  Pyrex lives forever, mixing bowls, cake pans of every size and pie plates continue to serve us well.  Almost all of them were clear.  You will also note the Chicago cutlery knife and sharpener (no that knife is not sharp anymore) and the brown visionware spoon that went with the brown visionware pots and pans we registered for.

The formal stuff.  I still love my china and yes indeed I do still keep the relish tray in its original box.  That crystal pitcher is so heavy you couldn't lift it to pour if you added water so it gets used mainly for flowers.

We had 2 precious ring bearers who gave us this after the rehearsal.  Reminds us 23 years later we can always be on our honeymoon.

When we were at Dayton's registering for our wedding we found ourselves unprepared for setting up a home.  Of course we didn't ask for help, we were determined to be independent and do everything ourselves as our own new little family rather than let our parents influence our decision.  Besides, what could they possibly know about buying new home stuff?  Their homes were full of old stuff.  We were going to be modern, not old fashioned.  Except of course we had no idea what that meant.

You know how some little girls play house and imagine what their future home will look like?  You know how as they grow up they dream of getting married and having a home of their own?  You know how they might have started with a decorating plan for their room?  My sister-in-law had already started collecting her wedding flatware and another friend had bought a set of dishes.  You know how girls are like that?  I wasn't that girl.  I should have been voted most unlikely to marry at 19.

I had literally never given any thought to getting married or how my future home would look or be decorated.  Not that I didn't want a decorated home but I had just never thought about to how you put everything together.  And, as you can imagine, neither had John.

So there we were wandering around Dayton's trying to figure out what we needed for the rest of our lives.  From a practical standpoint we were able to write down baking pans, measuring cups, mixing bowls, etc.  Back then they didn't have a scanning gun that let you chose the exact mixing bowl you wanted just the general category.  Then the tricky part came in, you wrote down your decorating scheme.  What are your colors?  Because of John's sister getting married the year before us and not getting any towels the color they registered for we happened to have given some thought to this one question.  Burgundy, black and gray towels came to us in many brands and shades.  Then we got to the kitchen.  What are your kitchen colors?  And I am sort of thinking, "kitchens have colors?"  At the time John was living in an apartment with bright salmon colored countertops that should have seen the end of their useful life a few years before.  I didn't know much but I knew I wasn't going to decorate around that color. Having absolutely no idea what to put down we finally wrote down "earth tones" thinking that means neutral and we can then put with whatever color we do eventually decide on.

Luckily most people decided against giving us kitchen things with a color because it became clear what a mistake it was when I started opening earth toned gifts.  Brown towels and potholders.  And a set of mixing bowls that were Orange, green and yellow.

 23 years later I am still using the ugliest thing we got for our wedding.

The Orange and Green have broke but the yellow bowl lives on.

In the following years as other friends got married it quickly became apparent to me that they all understood something about decorating and setting up a home that I had totally missed when doing my wedding registry.  The hottest look in kitchens at that time was bright white kitchens with cobalt blue accents. I never could work my brown towels and orange mixing bowl into that particular trend.  Over the years many kitchen color schemes have come and gone, our earth tones even had their day in the sun.  But I still look back and laugh about getting brown kitchen towels for my wedding.

I don't know if it is simply irony or if that experience actually played a role in determining our life work. John proceeded to go to school for home design and we ran a business in which knowing all the latest design and decorating trends, especially for kitchens was a vital aspect of our success.  People now come to us for advice on designing and decorating their homes.  We've come a long way from those two clueless kids sitting on the floor of Dayton's filling out a registry.

In case your are wondering what I dream of these days I thought I would put a few items from my pintrest page on for your viewing pleasure.


I do have a master bath that needs re-doing and this would look great in there.


Our new kitchen is a little more contemporary with gloss white cabinets and black appliances.  Would love to replace our carpet with dark wood floors.  Haven't decided yet if I want to do dark countertops though.  That sounds a little high maintenance.  Age has taught me to consider both design and function.


Isabelle's room would look great like this.  Although her and John and plotting to build a loft bed...


We have identified a corner of our dining room where we are going to build a closet with a laundry room behind it.  I love being able to visualize.  Also, love the black laquered doors they put on this.  I just saw black doors in an older home that had been remodeled to have a more contemporary design and it was fabulous.  Keep the trim white and just paint the doors.  Sounds crazy but totally works.

The other day I was talking to a girlfriend, one that thought a lot about her future home growing up.  She finally says, "I have to go, Lottie and I are re-wallpapering a room in her doll house."  I started to laugh.  Her 6 year old was already preparing for her future home.  I think I see a decorating project for Isabelle and I in the future.  I wouldn't want her to end up with brown dish towels.  Unless of course that is the current trend.

Embracing the Path Before Us

When Jake was 4 years old we made a decision.  We had been trying unsuccessfully to give him a sibling for 3 years and finally hit a wall.  While we hadn't exhausted every medical option that existed, we had exhausted every option financially available to us at that time. So with reality smacking us in the face we looked at God, acknowledged the path he had put us on and began to celebrate it.  God gave us one child.  A great child.  A child we adored.  If we were to be the parents of an only child we would embrace this path with gusto!

One of the first things we did was get a family picture taken.  We had gotten one taken when Jake was about 15 months but I had put off updating it since then because we were about to get pregnant and have another so I might as well wait until then.  Why waste money on a photo of the family that will be obsolete so quickly?  In an effort to put action to our resolve we went out and had family pictures taken.

(I would scan in that picture here but I am too lazy.  I will just tell you it is adorable and we all look young, fresh and energetic.)

You don't always realize how you are putting your life on hold waiting for something until you let go and stop waiting.  In the back of my mind I had avoided a significant vacation because our family wasn't complete.  I wanted our whole family to experience the world with us.  So we headed to Disneyland the following year. The truth is that we don't really travel all that much, not that we wouldn't like to but we just have never prioritized our money that way, so the next time we took a trip of any significance was almost 10 years later when we went to Kenya, but that Disney trip was a huge symbolic step to embracing and celebrating the path God had put us on.

With this appreciation of God's guiding in our life we have more quickly embraced the road blocks and changes that have come our way over the years.  Not seamlessly, not perfectly, our will still conflicts at times with God's plans and I do still fight it at times.  But we have learned to live our life amidst whatever reality is before us.

This past fall as we were house hunting for this downsized home we got to embrace a reality we hadn't expected to experience quite so soon.  Jake being gone.  When we started house hunting we were looking for 3 bedrooms expecting Jake to still have seasons at home with us.  But by fall he had joined the army and decided to marry.  Both those actions guaranteed he would not need a bedroom in our home again.  Moving our sights to a 2 bedroom gave us the option of prioritizing the needs of the child we still have at home and finding the perfect fit for our family.  Embracing the stage of parenting we are in now.

At Jake's wedding I returned to the symbolic action I first took when we embraced him as an only child, the family picture.  Our family has changed, in a variety of ways, and we now need 4 family pictures to represent who we are today.  We captured that change in the moment it happened.

A family of 3 once again embracing the only child lifestyle.

A new family created.

A wedding is a place where a family both multiplies and divides.

That only child God gave us has grown to become 3 beautiful children for us to love.

How are you embracing he path God has set before you?