Seeing the future

You know how at the end of a particularly challenging stage of life you are able to look back and see how it all worked out and how God took care of you?  And you know how you wish you weren't so stressed, full of discontentment and argumentative about the process but instead enjoyed the ride, enjoyed watching God put it all together and bringing you exactly where you needed to be exactly when you needed to get there?

Or is that just me?

So the other day I was feeling stressed, discontent and argumentative about the process we are in.  And I decided I HAD to cut down to 30 hours a week.  But of course when I looked at our budget it seemed more like I needed a second job than less hours.  And that made me feel a little crazy, trapped, frustrated, helpless, hopeless.  And frankly I wanted to figure out how to get out of this crazy path we got ourselves on.  Rewind!  I want to go back to the beginning!

I heard someone say once that if everyone put their problems in a pile and you could choose any problem you wanted out of the pile you would go back and choose your own.  I know my problem, I know how to deal with it.  I know how to be at home and broke, to struggle with self employment, encourage my husband to keep going through a bad economy.  I don't know how to be a working mom, and still be broke, and encourage my husband with his education and work, to help my daughter grow to be a godly woman when I am not there to observe her behavior and redirect.  I feel like I am having to re-define who I am.  I liked who I was before.  Even if it wasn't working for our family anymore.  Do I really have to change?

When I am in the middle of something I don't like I often think about the other side.  When we were waiting to have a second baby I would often imagine announcing I was pregnant or, later, telling people we had been chosen by a birth family.  I would think about holding her in my arms.  It reminded me that I was going somewhere and that this moment is not permanent.

And so it is with this, I often think about the other side.  When I am able to quit my job to run my little online business.  When John is a practicing PA.  When this short but important time in our life is over.  And since I have experience getting through these stages I know that when they are over I will wish I didn't fight it so much.  I will wish I had enjoyed the process more.

Yet as I talked with God I found myself justifying my stress because it caused action and obviously I needed to do something!  And I felt He challenged me to take action without the stress.  To trust Him to lead me to what I needed to do and lead me away from what I did not need to do.  And that sounds a little challenging.

OK as I am writing this I felt called to read my "Jesus Calling" devotion for the day.  Today is about being victorious in Christ.  Here are a couple relevant parts,

"I may infuse within you a dream that seems far beyond your reach.  You know that in yourself you cannot achieve such a goal.  Thus begins your journey of profound reliance on Me.  It is a faithwalk, taken one step at a time, leaning on Me as much as you need.  This is not a path of continual success but of multiple failures.  However, each failure is followed by a growth spurt, nourished by increased reliance on Me."

"It is through problems and failure, weakness and neediness that you learn to rely on Me."


See I told you this book was written just for me!  So I am thinking that instead of allowing my stress to dictate my actions I should allow my reliance on God to dictate my actions. (Act, my word of the year, is part of the word action.  Has anyone else noticed that?)

Today I am going to imagine going through this process relying on God instead of my own strength.

2 Cor 5:7 "We walk by faith, not by sight."

What a way to make a living

For the record, I don't remember anyone ever treating me like they thought I was stupid just because I was a stay at home mom.  I suppose there could have been an occasional comment but I don't remember them.  For the most part all the interactions I had before I started working were with people who thought I was intelligent and competent.

Then I got a job as a receptionist.  I realize you do not need to be a rocket scientist to do this job.  It is pretty basic, answer the phone, ask who is calling, intercom over to the person they are calling to find out if they want the call and then transfer or ask the person to leave a message.  Pretty basic stuff.  Of course I have other work and it is a little more complicated than that but really, my job is not hard and not particularly challenging.

But that does not mean I am stupid.

Yesterday when I asked a caller what it was regarding the woman on the other side told me her boss was an alumni of the same college as the man she wanted to talk to.  I acknowledged that and asked again what the call was regarding.  She then asked me if I knew what the word alumni meant.  Now she had already told me it was not a solicitation call, which frankly is what I think the word alumni means, so I was just trying to get clarification on why she was calling someone who did not want to talk to her because he had no idea who she, or her boss, were.  And since she didn't want to leave a message but instead wanted to know when to call back, at which point he still wouldn't take the call, I was now forced to assess what she wanted.  And apparently her strategy for getting me to put her through was to insult me by assuming I do not know what the word alumni means.

Really?

For the record, I also hate it when I am referred to as "the girl".  I am not opposed to all forms of the word "girl", I don't mind being referred to as "girlfriend" by my friends and I will often tell John I am getting together with "the girls" when I go out with friends.  I am talking here about phrases like, "let me give my name badge back to the girl" or when another woman is sitting at my desk and the owner walks by and says, "look at you girls working away."   

In my mind I want to have a sharp retort for all these comments.  I want to ask the woman on the phone if she knows what the word "regarding" means.  And when someone refers to me as the girl I want to tell them that my girl is at school, in 1st grade.

But then I try to remember.  This job isn't about me.  And my job is not to convince people I am smart.

Humility, that is what I am learning.  I am learning to be humble enough to do the job at the bottom of the totem pole without thinking it is below me.  To realize it is not about me, to remember that this job does not define me.  I am defined by who I am not what I do.  And who I am is a child of God, a follower of Christ.  And right now this is what He wants me to do.  And so I am obeying Him.

Proverbs 11:2 "When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom."

2011 Christmas Post

For the next month this post will appear at the top of my blog.  Scroll down to see new posts.

Is 9:6 "For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders.  and he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

Merry Christmas From the Hardackers!

It has been a Topsy

 Turvy

Upside down kind of year at our house

We have gone from a one income, mom at home family to a 2 income dad in school kind of family.  We have set a long term goal, have a vision and are taking action.  Because we are DOERS!  And we are doing it!

The year started out with us living our regular life. 

So we spent a lot of time driving all over the twin cities in the early winter dark to find various high schools and watch our son wrestle.  And we are back at it again this year, loving that Jake has found a sport he is so passionate about.

Isabelle turned 6 years old and John made yet another fun cake for our little artist.

My dad injured his back while in Florida and had to fly home so Isabelle and I flew down to drive home with my mom.  But not before spending a few days soaking up the PERFECT weather they were having down there and getting in Isabelle's first trip to the beach.  (A trip I am no longer free to make on a whim so my parents better stay healthy this year!)

Just as I am about to launch into a full time job I have a not so brilliant idea to plant a garden for the first time ever.  It didn't turn out well but the kids had fun watching all the ants run around after lifting up the board I had used to kill all the grass.

I have spent this first 6 months of working "releasing".  I have released myself from many outside commitments as well as releasing myself from expectations I have for myself and ideas I wanted to implement.  It has been challenging but God has taken care of all of us along the way.

John had some time this summer at home before he started school and spent a day starting the tree house I had wanted to build this summer before I learned I would be working.  He rocks.

Jake turned 17 in June a month after I started working.  I was exhausted but late one night we still made the birthday poster happen.  Proud of him and the godly young man he is becoming.

This summer Isabelle was also learning to adjust to my working and the schedule of sitters.  We cried together alot but in the end she had a great summer.  One week she went to camp at the YMCA and loved every minute of it.  A definite repeat for next summer.  Here she is wearing a the t-shirt they made and warrior face paint.

At last the day had come, first day of school for John and Jake.  Jake is doing PSEO for his senior year of high school which means he is taking classes at the same community college John is attending and receiving both high school and college credits.  He will graduate from high school and finish his freshman year of college at the same time.  Year one of college paid for.  Check.

I have loved seeing John and Jake studying together.  So proud of them both.  John was concerned about going back to school after so many years but he is doing great and enjoyed his classes this first semester.  He is now 1/4 of the way through the first 2 years of his 6 years of school.  (We have broken this journey into 3 mental parts, makes it seem a little less daunting.)

Then Isabelle started 1st grade!  She loves her teacher, tells us she is the best 1st grade teacher in the school, and is having lots of fun.  She loves art and music class, no surprise there.  When did our sweet baby turn into this sweet girl?

Of course Jake worked at the Renaissance Festival again.  He now owns a kilt and really looked the part this year.

I love that he has a job where we can go watch him work and it isn't weird when I pull out a camera.  He really is a pro at hawking and he loves it.

Jake also had the opportunity to go to Panama this year with our church youth group working with Youth With A Mission (YWAM).  It was a great trip for him getting the opportunity to share Christ with teens down there in local high schools and come to appreciate that people all over the world worship the same God who is at work in all our lives.  The group acted out a drama without any words and Jake played the roll of Jesus.  They did it for our church when they returned.  It was very powerful.  Here he is sharing his testimony.

The youth group guys.

And then this fall as the weather was getting cooler, John finished up the tree house.  We all love it.  Isabelle even went out there one day when she was mad at me to get away.  We didn't get in a tea party up there before it snowed but I see several in our future for next summer.

Isabelle's exciting news of the year was that she became a big sister!  Her birth parents had a little girl the end of October named Scarlet.  We went to a little baby shower before she was born and Isabelle was excited to show off the tutu she chose for her.

Unfortunately they moved to Japan with the military shortly before Scarlet was born so she will be over a year old before we are likely to see her in person.  However, modern technology is our lifeline so we got to meet her on skype and Isabelle and her sister got their first picture together.

As Isabelle would say, "isn't she cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

While this was a topsy, turvy, upside down kind of year we still managed to have fun, keep our family prioritized and rely on God to take care of us as he leads us on this crazy, fun, exciting new adventure in our life.

 

Can't wait to see what 2012 has for us!

 Ps 32:8 "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you."

 

Melanie's Must Read List #5

I think I bought this book for myself for Easter.  I like to buy devotion books at that time of year.  My sister had it and was raving about it and I had heard others say good things so I picked it up.  All the hype you have heard, true.  It is fantastic.  It is written like Jesus is talking to you and probably the biggest negative I can say about it is that I am afraid I will start quoting it like scripture.  I want to memorize a line or two practically every day!

I think the biggest theme I have noticed is Jesus calling us into his presence.  To be aware of His presence and live our lives accordingly.  It speaks to me every single day as if it was written for the specific moment and issue I am having in my life.  Amazing.  Then she adds 2-4 scriptures at the end to back up the theme she has written for that day and that is where I have gotten some of my guiding scriptures these past few months.  They give legtiamacy to her writing and create an even richer time sitting in Jesus presence.

I love a good devotional book.  One that is short and leads me to some scripture that I can then meditate on and further discover God's truths on my own.  And this book meets those requirements.  Plus there is a devotion for every day of the year, 365 devotions, so you won't have to find another great book anytime soon.  As a writer I often think about the time and work that must have gone into coming up with 365 different yet wonderful ideas for this book.  I am in awe of it.

In case you aren't quite ready to commit to a year long devotional book I also really loved "A Journey into Spiritual Growth" by Evelyn Christenson.  I have to admit that in the book store that title probably would not have convinced me to take it off the shelf but my sister had in on the shelf in her guest room so I started reading it and somehow it mysteriously jumped into my suitcase on the way home and I looked forward to my time with God every morning just to read this short devotional and prayer.  Like with Jesus calling I often felt each devotion was written just for me and couldn't believe the power of God to cause a woman to write a devotion years before knowing that I would be sitting in my gazebo reading it at the exact moment it was relevant for my life.

2 more books to check out.  I will add that I have added links to the books so you can click and order them if you want.  Or not, either way.  But I noticed you can get the Evelyn Christiansen book used for 1 cent which is not as good a deal as stealing it from your sister but comes pretty close.  I will make about .0004 cents on it so you will be helping build my empire.  One brick at a time.  Or in this case a tablespoon of the mortar to attach the bricks once I get them.

Take Action!

"The sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue to know the word and sustain the weary.  He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught." Is 50:4

I had a day off the week before Christmas.  I had a lot to accomplish and only a day to do it in.  I just prayed God would take care of all the details and launched into my day.  One of the things I knew I really wanted to do was spend time with the Lord, I probably should have started the day that way but couldn't wait and so I didn't get there until later in the afternoon.  I made myself a pot of tea and situated myself at the table where I could see my beautiful Christmas tree in front of me while my slightly mess kitchen was to my back.

I have to admit when I plan to spend time with God and listen to His voice I don't always hear anything.  I force it too much.  But that day God was there.  I had given my day to Him and he was ready in the time I had promised Him.

One of the things I prayed about is what this next year will be about.  What am I to do going forward?  I also wanted to spend time really praying about how to proceed with this business I want to start.

Just the day before I had written what one friend called my "caffeinated" post trying to figure out what my word of the year should be.  Yet once I sat down to listen to God instead of my own caffeine crazed thoughts it was so obvious and simple.

Act.

I have been doing nothing the past 6 months but release.  And in the past couple months I have started having ideas but wasn't sure what to do.  But now God says, "Act".  I can take action in pursuing my dreams to have an online business and work from home.

But this word came with other words, "listen", "learn", "obey".  My action is to come out of those things.

God led me to the scripture at the top of this post that day. "The sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue to know the word and sustain the weary."  OK I am interpreting that to be my writing.  God  has given me something to say worth saying. An interesting thing god revealed to me in this space was my insecurity with doing anything that might bring attention to me.  Of course I am afraid to fail and so classically want to give up before I start.  But I am also afraid to pursue something God is not leading me to do.  I often thing God just wants me to be happy where I am at and I shouldn't pursue more.  But in my time with Him I felt a strong nudge to go forward.  To not use him as an excuse.  So I go forward believing that God has given me this plan and preparing to walk forward together.

"He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught."  Most of what I write here comes out of my time with God.  My ideas and inspiration are all from Him.  So He asks me to "listen" and "learn" each morning with Him.  And then "obey".  Do what he reveals to me.  Take Action.

And if I have learned anything in my years with the Lord it is that when he tells me to do something I need to obey, to "Act" on it.

So that is what I am doing this year.

Look out 2012 here I come!

You're not bored, you're boring.

I hate the word "bored", as in "I'm bored". (I know, I know, I posted about being bored at work yesterday.)Sometimes the correct word for a situation is bored but I don't think any child has even a clue what the word means yet uses it so often you would think they spent their days sitting in the middle of an empty room with plain grey walls unable to move.

When Jake was little I had a friend who would tell her children, "boredom is the beginning of creativity".  So I used it on Jake a few times.  One time he came out of his room a little while later announcing, "creativity has arrived!"  But that only happened once.  However, he wasn't nearly as fond of the word as Isabelle is.

John has taken to telling Isabelle, "you're not bored, you're boring" and sending her to figure something out.  Yesterday she told me she was bored so many times I announced that from now on when I hear the word she gets a sad rock. (happy rock/sad rock is our behavior reward system.)

Why can't she just learn to entertain herself?!  We have a house full of options!

I shared about my outdoor childhood recently yet when I tell Isabelle to go play outside she looks at me like I am crazy.  What will she do?  Outside is boring too.

Now I fully realize and remember telling my parents I was bored when I was a child so I don't want to diminish the reality of children and bordom but, do you think technology has made our children more incapable of entertaining themselves than previous generations?

I think it might be time for some screen time limits at our house. 

Things I am thinking about.

Do I have ADHD or am I just Bored?

I have never lived in anyone else's brain so I can only speak for myself but I get bored easily.

Recently I sat in my desk where I must sit all day long regardless of whether I have anything to do or whether the work I have is of any challenge to me or not and I thought about my son.

Back when Jake was in elementary school he was a little wild.  And although he was doing very well academically his teachers decided there was something wrong with him.  Had to be ADHD.  I acknowledged that his behavior wasn't always appropriate for the environment but just did not believe ADHD was the problem.  Turns out I was right.  What I discovered was that he was just bored.  Like me he had to sit at his desk all day long and listen to the teacher and do the work regardless of whether or not it was of any challenge to him.

I remember pointing out his extremely high test scores to his 3rd grade teacher hoping to get some understanding of what to do with a child that was so bright.  She literally set the scores aside and said they were nice but...behavior.  I turned out to be right and the behavior was linked to his high test scores and boredom and I pulled him out of the lovely school that could not see beyond his boredom and he grew and flourished in an environment that challenged him.

And now I am sitting at my desk and while I have the maturity not to do anything inappropriate my brain is going in 20 different directions at once and I have to keep from distracting everyone around me who is actually working.  And honestly, I have never  had a job where this wasn't a problem.

So I am understanding my 8 year old son even more than I did when he was 8 years old.  And I hope I can find a solution for myself that is as wonderful as the solution I found for him.

(Do you like how I have subtly implied that I am brilliant in this post?)